Wild Thoughts.

#C Part II

2012-01-29T11:53:00.001+08:00

Actually, I forgot the main significant reason why I chose the word choice for the letter C. By saying this would probably put me in a vulnerable position but I chose to maintain my curly hair for a reason. There's this one person told me that I look so much better with my hair being straightened and if only I would have done it permanently. Frankly, I think I look better with my hair straight, prettier indeed (Here comes the vain moment) but it is such a hassle to maintain such hair.

How ridiculous it may sound, but I am looking for that one person who is willing to take me as I am with my curly hair. If you can bear with my curly hair, then you'll enjoy the days where I would blow my hair straight and maybe curl it up a bit. Mom taught me more than just having good hair because nothing matters if you have an ugly heart. Maybe some day I'll just cover up my head, who knows but in the meantime, lets just enjoy whatever is in sight because I chose it with a reason.

#C

2012-01-28T17:36:00.001+08:00

Jaiho, eh I mean hello. I've been listening to Jaiho a lot lately for certain reasons. Ehem. No need to remind me that I forgot the dance step on the actual day. Haha. So, let's proceed with the next letter, C. Actually, I've done a post on the letter C but it's not that interesting and I figured, since I have the power to change it, might as well change it and be satisfied with it. For today, the letter C stands for choice/choices.

I make choices on a daily basis, you make choices on a daily basis. Be it to just decide on what to eat or to decide on what to wear for the day. The simple choices usually will make up for the big ones. If I were in Shah Alam with my friends, the toughest daily question to be answered would obviously be where should we eat today? And the question usually pops up three times a day, so imagine how frequent the question get asked. If I were in Alor Star, the question would usually be, "Mama bagi keluar ke ni?" I've got to choose whether do I want to ask her properly or just casually go out and just drop her a line or two on my way out like "Ma, Min nak keluar eh ni? Nana/Puteri/Aliyah/Iye/Sarah/Bear/Kery dah sampai. Bye Ma." Haha. In Ampang, the choice will usually be whether do I want to wake up early for a jog or not. Usually I don't but when the mood comes or in other word, when I feel super fat, I will automatically wake up and put on my running attire and run or most of the time, just walk around Taman TAR. These examples are the minor examples and the major ones usually give me nightmares or stomach ache.

Lately, there are a few normal question that pops up and sometimes, I just choose to either

a) Answer the question properly,

b)Change the subject,

c)Blame my parents first and say that it's their decision

d)Just laugh and laugh some more.

So, the questions are,

1) What are you going to do after this?

2) Boyfriend orang mana? *gile indirect soalan tapi macam zappppp*

3) Have you applied for jobs?

4) When are you getting married?

Simple questions with no specific answer. I do not know what I am going to do after this because the choices are not clear actually, I do not have a boyfriend ( Damn, rasa macam tak laku pulak O_o), I didn't apply for any jobs yet because my parents want me to continue and no, I have no idea when I am getting married. Semua tu kita serahkan pada jodoh Allah. Ewah. Jawapan politik gila. Kat sini politik la, bila depan mata senyum je la mcm kerang busuk. Hahaha.

I can choose but I don't have any choices right now. All that I know is, during the dinner, I chose to clear up one thing that has been bugging me for the longest time and that has got to be the best decision I've made for this year. I wanted to spend more time with my friends after the graduation dinner and after my final examinations but I chose to go back because my Mom needs me here more.

Yesterday, I was watching a talk show and one of the panel said something interesting. In life you should remember two things and forget two things. First, you should remember the good deeds that people have done to you and remember all the bad things that you have done to others. Secondly, you should forget the good deeds that you have done to people and forget the bad things that others have done to us. You can choose to do either one but I guess, if you live by these words your life will be happy and peaceful. I believe so or, I choose to believe so.

Dude, remember when you had to choose between us two? Hahaha, lame joke I know :P

But hey, let's put the past behind and I really mean it.

#B

2012-01-24T01:05:00.002+08:00

The second alphabet would be, the letter B. A letter with a significant meaning, that I have to admit because just a glimpse of that letter gives me a lot of feeling, with no closure. Alright, enough with that particular topic that will never end until God knows when. I supposed, the most appropriate topic for today is blogging. B for blogging.

Just the notion of holding a solid blue ball pen with a fresh crisp paper is just exciting rather than typing on this flat screen, actually but if one has a passion for something, technology will not or at least, should not deter one from continuing to do what he or she loves. When you write on a piece of paper and you messed up, you can just crumple the paper up and throw it in the dustbin and even that, can give you some kind of a satisfaction but with this, just pressing the backspace or delete button, you're just erasing it. So, this is not about blogging huh?

What I am saying is, I turned to this blog because it's a rare occasion for me now to pen out my feelings, thoughts and emotions on paper properly because it's just not the common thing anymore. For almost half of my time daily is spent in front of the computer, might as well let it all go here. For me, I guess its great that blogging seems the most ideal place to let it all out but there's always a downside to it. People tend to assume that I am emotional all the time. I am not, not all the time. Sometimes, this blog serves a reminder because when I jot down the events that I have went through, I can remember back all the great and of course, the sad memories that I've been through but hey, that's a positive way for someone to grow up and be mature too.

Once, twice or more, I'll browse through my previous post and I'll go, "Why did I do that?" and I'll say to my present self, with more experience and knowledge now, you should have known better and not to let yourself do that or go through it again. It should be a lesson for my present self. Blogging taught me that, or perhaps, writing did. There are some awesome blogs that I follow and most of times, how I wish I could write as beautiful as them, more melancholic with an indirect story line. If people have to think and interpret your story, that I take that as good writing because you are able to make them think and ponder.

Most of the times, I don't publish my writings because they are too private. I'd rather keep them at a safe place rather than being judged for being too open, too desperate or just too plain stupid. Maybe, one of these days, I'll post them one by one to spice up the blog a bit :P but one thing I have to bear in mind, this blog is for me express, not impress :)

Ps : I got a gorgeous graduation present from my Dad. I supposed its a way for him to tell me that he's proud of me for finishing my Degree. How I wish I could give him a First Class Degree of Accountancy but I guess it's too late now. How I wish I did study more because when I flip through one of previous entries in this blog, I did mention how lazy I am eventhough I know how badly my parents wanted that from me. If only.. but I guess I could repay all of my parents deeds in some other way. Perhaps by not failing my future ACCA paper. Let's hope I can. Anyway, thank you Papa for the present. I can never thank you enough <3

#A

2012-01-23T01:45:00.001+08:00

Hello Earthlings, I have this idea where I want to start writing random things according to alphabets and since this is the first day, I guess I'll start with the letter A. So many words start with A but honestly, the only word I can think of right at this moment is accounting. Perhaps, because I've been associated with the word so much daily but maybe I should go for other words. Maybe, achievement? Let's try.

The word 'achievement' has been defined as 'a thing done successfully with effort, skill, or courage:" A thing.. which means that achievement is something subjective. Everyone defines achievement differently from one another. I can say that my biggest achievement in life as of now, is that I've finished my Degree (InsyaAllah) but that kind of achievement seems so worldly. Sometimes, praying five times seem like an achievement for the day. It'd be nice if I can say that my biggest achievement in life is.. that I've helped someone changed his or her life. If I can achieve that one day, it'd be great. I'm not trying to sound like oh-I-am-the-world's-kindest-person-on-this-earth, no. It's just that as of now, I am 23 years old and I don't think I have done anything that can make me leave this earth with a smile. Some may say I still have a long way to go but if I don't start now, when will I start?

I've always wanted to open up a small restaurant that serves good quality homey food. If I am selling Nasi Goreng Cili Padi, then it be just like how ~~your mom~~ my mom cooks it. If I am selling chocolate brownies with vanilla ice cream, then it will taste just like Pillsbury's homemade chocolate brownies. So everyday, when you are operating a restaurant, you will have all these leftovers and I always ask, what happens to the leftovers? Can we give it to those who would need it? I know it's not nice to give people our leftovers but it'll be better rather than to just throw it away. So, I figured if I am the owner of the restaurant, I will have a say on how my restaurant operates right? I want to set up a connection between someone from the Reach programme or something and make a pact about leftovers food. If I do have a restaurant in the future and I forget about this, someone please print this post of mine and remind me about it, just incase I don't remember. Oh, back to the achievement. It'll be an achievement if I can do this. This type of achievement can easily triumph over my Degree anytime because at the end of the day, having a plain certificate doesn't define who you are.

One can have all the certificates, money and position in the world but if he doesn't give back, what's the purpose of him having it all? As for me, I hope that when I have reached my goals later in life (What goals am I talking about? I have no idea!) I hope that I will get back to earth and always stay on the ground, not floating on cloud nine. Lately, my personal goals in life is quite vague. How do I achieve such vague goals? The only clear goals that I have is, I want to meet Ashton Kutcher. Lame. I know. Thus, this is why I initiated this. If I can write my personal opinions regarding these 26 random topics during my holidays, it'll be a minor achievement, but still. It is better than none. Just to keep my head moving during the holidays.

Oh, today was a day well-spent, indeed :) Such an achievement for me. The letter for tmoro is the letter B. SUCH AN INTERESTING LETTER. HEHEHE.

Saya baku.

2012-01-21T02:24:00.000+08:00

Minggu lepas-lepas, ada sorang kawan sekelas tu mintak suruh tulis blog ni dalam bahasa Melayu. Macam kelakar tapi kalau tolak kata mengada-ngada pulak. Bukan mengada tapi memang rasa pelik tapi tak pe, sebab kita ni orang Melayu tulen, Jawa campur Acheh lagi kan, jadi tulis je la dalam Bahasa Ibunda tapi tak tau nak bahasakan diri aku ke, saya ke, Min ke, Miut ke? Eh susah la. Kalau Bahasa Inggeris, I je dah senang. Hmmm, ikot la apa yang kena ngan ayat tu nanti.

Peperiksaan akhir untuk semester terakhir baru je habis. Soalan betol-betol susah. Bukan main-main punye susah tapi betol-betol punya susah. Ye la, dah budak semester terakhir kan, mesti la nak tanya soalan kaw-kaw punya. Bila tengok soalan tu, rasa macam apa aku baca semalam? Asal tak kluar apa yang hafal semalam? Tapi sebab dalam hati tu ada semangat nak habiskan je peperiksaan tu, hati ni tabahkan je la, hentam je la. Soalan dah jawab, markah belakang kira.

Eh, cakap pasal peperiksaan ni bosan la. Ni dah kat rumah kat Aloq Staq, Kedah. Esok bole la pergi makan moi sedap kat Taman Pknk tu petang-petang. Tunggu Nana dan Iye balik, lepastu bole la mintak dua mangkuk sorang. Sedap tau. Haritu kitorang tengah duduk makan petang-petang macam biasa la waktu-waktu senja lepastu ada artis datang situ jugak. Tempat tu gerai je. Meja kitorang dapat dulu makanan, lepastu artis tu tengok-tengok meja kitorang macam "E'eh apa diorang tu makan tu? Macam sedap je?" Pastu kitorang pon senyum kambing kat artis lepastu cakap " Sedap, pesan la jugak. Hehe" Ye la, buat kat Kedah tak malu sangat. Kalau buat kat KL mcm jakun pulak.

Balik kali ni rasa la lapang dada sebab tak bawak balik buku langsung. Komputer riba ni pon bawak balik sebab tak kan nak tinggalkan kat rumah sewa. Ikotkan hati malas, tapi macam mana pulak nak berhubung dengan rakan-rakan untuk berkomunikasi tentang perkara yang penting. Contoh macam psal baju malam graduasi trek pantas pada 25 haribulan ni. Pening jugak dibuatnya. Macam ada benda tak kena ja ni. Aih. Susah la. Nak badan macam model Victoria Secret la. Kaki panjang, tak pendek. Badan cantek, tak gemok. Senang cari baju makan malam graduasi.

Haaa, ni la sebab tak bole tulis dalam bahasa Melayu. Merepek-repek tulis. Hasil penulisan tak dalam :P Hahahaha, okay baiklah. Nak tidur dahulu, nak dibuai mimpi-mimpi indah. Selamat malam kawan-kawan. Esok, kalau rajin saya akan mulakan idea baru saya untuk blog ini. Perlulah asah secebis bakat yang ada ni. Kalau bukan bajat pon, sekurang-kurangnya ada la minat kan. Eh, ayat ni macam mintak penampor je. Okay. Selamat tinggal. Kenang daku dalam doamu.

12 steps backwards.

2012-01-12T17:17:00.000+08:00

Time flies, no doubt in that. Sometimes, we feel like the time moves so fast that we barely have time to catch up. 2011 went by in a blink of an eye. Usually, I love to sit down and reflect on the things that I have been through for the whole year. It seems like the right thing to do, for you to sit down, reflect back on the things that you have done, the things that you wished you did not do and the things that you wish you had done. On one quiet evening, I tried to sit down and have a talk with myself. Alright that’s a lie. I do my thinking in the shower. Hehe. So I was perhaps shampooing my hair and I thought to myself, 2011 has been a year of flat experience. I enjoyed myself but it was more of a year that I just had fun. I absorbed everything slowly.

After all, I have learned that I used to look back, still checking on the rearview mirror to check on my past decision. I also love(d) to plan ahead for my future, some sort of forward looking method but I forget that when I look back, nothing changes. Those moments turned into memories and there’s nothing I can do to alter it and those future moments can only be left as plans if I don’t execute them, properly.

I don’t move on quickly. I don’t move on at a normal pace. It is not so much about me holding grudges but you know how those memories linger in your head and it is always at the back of your mind. That’s how my mind works, or I guess that’s how our memories work. At odd times, I’ll get flashes of images that I don’t intend to remember. It’s weird sometimes to be remembered of those wonderful memories but when you are so attached to the bad ones, then I do not know how to move on. Best thing about it is, those memories are reliving it self.

I like to imagine things forward. I used to have a concrete plan about my future as I seemed to be so sure about what I want in life but I have to remember that I plan and if God doesn’t approve my plans, He has all the power in the world to put a stop to it or to change it. At this particular moment, I do not know what to do with my life. Yes, I plan to pursue my professional plan after I'm done with my Degree. I am somehow not excited about this. I am just playing along with my parents' choice. I wish I did apply for work because I think I should do it part time so that I don't waste so much time. Then, one may ask, what am I rushing for? My answer is, I don't know but I believe that while I am young now, might as well use all my youth time, catch whatever opportunities in front of me, so that when I am on my deathbed, I don't want to have flashbacks of living a life I might regret.

Oh, I'm back to that boring topic. So, 2011 was a splendid-flat-lesson-learned year. I'm trying to make my 2012 more interesting but it opened its big curtain with my final exams. Tadaa. What a way to remember the New Year :) Hehe but fret not, I can see a bright future from here!

And oh yes, I haven't had those weird dream with you, you and you in it. Is it because I have been so busy that I haven't had a chance to sit and think about you? I guess so.

The truth hurts, always.

2011-12-28T01:04:00.002+08:00

Every where, everyone keeps on posting about the memories of 2011. I cannot believe that 2011 is coming to an end already. I have not fully enjoyed 2011 and if there's one word to describe this year, it would be an 'eye-opener'year. Or should I say that this particular December has been an 'eye-opener' month?

This past four weeks have been one hella of a month. I've been a lazy student, ignorant friend and a bad daughter. I just did not enjoy this December as much as I tried to. Okay chup, I should divide this post into two because I did actually enjoy my last day of class with my classmates but that's besides the point of this post.

I had deep conversations with two persons tonight. One is with my mother. Lately, I've been throwing tantrums at her with no reasons. Well, I've got my own reasons but I guess after hearing her explanations, I owe an apology to her. I should have been more understanding, I should have listened to her closely and put my judgement aside. I was being so stubborn that I wanted to win. It's not so much about winning but more to explaining what I am feeling. After I've let out my feelings, I forgot about how it would affect my mother. I said I am 22 years old, but tonight I realized I've acted like I am 10 years old. The only difference is I don't shout in the malls when I don't get things my way. I should have been more mature and yet I am not. So, I guess, I need someone to tell me off and let me see things from a different perspective. Frankly, I am so scared of having my own child because if I am a monster, then I would not want to be creating little monsters in the future. I should really think about this before I claim to be a 22 year old. I'm afraid that my actions are from the accumulation of resentments that I've had but on what basis am I having all these resentment and anger? I've got everything that I need. Maybe not what I want but mostly everything that I need.

The second conversation was with a dear friend. A friends that is willing to tell me something hurtful yet it is the truth. No one wants to hear something that is not pleasant to our ears but you've got to be brave enough to swallow the truth. I'm not brave enough to accept the truth, so I've been postponing any events that might lead me to hearing the truth. I avoid deep conversation that might get me into trouble with my own mind. I avoid them completely. Instead, I put in fantasy and fairy tales in my mind. Way better that way and I get to sleep at night. My problems are trivial, I know. There are people who can barely make it for the day. I need to feed my brain with these kind of images, so that I am more thankful for having such a life.

I told my mom that I'm thankful for every second of my life and for everything that I have in life. She replied "Yes, I know that you are thankful but sometimes, your actions show otherwise" or something along those line.

So, how's this to end your 2011? I need to sit and think deeply because this was indeed, a big tight slap on the face and I am not ashamed to admit it.

"You will always wish that you knew what you know now when you were younger. You will surely wish you acted upon the knowledge that you know now when you will be in the grave."

Over.

2011-12-19T02:00:00.000+08:00

I want to blog about a lot of things but it doesn't seem like its the perfect timing but I want to able to look back at this date and remember that this is my last week to go to class as a Degree student. Four and a half years of going in and out of class with the same faces, I reckon I will cry on the day of our departure :(

The start of a new year.

2011-11-28T08:28:00.000+08:00

A public holiday for all the people who despise Monday, truly its a gift for everyone. Slept at about 1am last night, I decided it should be an early day for me today. I woke up forcefully, prayed before the sun went up and went for a morning walk before it was too hot. Its 28th of November and here I am, in the middle of the semester. The long weekend went by like a breeze. We bid Saturday with the introduction of our Financial Accounting assessment and I bet we're saying goodbye to our 3 day weekend with the same thing. Awkward timing, bizarre encounters along the way. I felt a bit weird last night, I don't know where the weirdness came from but I embraced it. I tried to embrace it well. It's been too long for me to be affected by it. I've gotten a grip of myself, I've been cured. I got the message, it was delivered well. But, nothing will change.

So, have a great year ahead, Muslims. It's the little things that count. One, two and three. Read in between the line and don't make assumptions. Enjoy the rest of the year guys.

The 10000th day of going to class.

2011-11-17T10:02:00.001+08:00

Cool morning breeze.
Cold morning shower.
Messy bed and wrinkled shirt.
Hot iron with tangled strings.
Fresh radio sound and clear morning news.
Baby steps on the stairs.
Roaring sound of the engine.
Heavy traffic with hungry student.
Hopeful heart,scouting for that one spot.
There's no parking spot left.
You day ends there.
Back to the messy bed, sleeping with your wrinkled shirt,again.

#goodbyeonetreehill

2011-11-17T09:38:00.002+08:00

One can do so much.
One can think so much.
One can laugh so much.
One can cry so much.
One can sleep so much.
One can eat so much.

But can one study,love and pray too much?

Adamant.

2011-11-16T23:34:00.001+08:00

Definition found after two seconds of typing it on Google ; Refusing to be persuaded or to change one's mind.

In this case, its the heart. Not the mind. Adamant. Adamant. Adamant. The fourth time that I'm repeating this, it looks like Adam + Aiman = Adamant. Okay lame joke but if you say it out loud. Ay-de-men. Right? Haha. Adamant. Swear I don't know why I am so adamant about it this time around. Hard as a rock, adamant as it is.

Dum dum dum.

2011-11-12T03:11:00.001+08:00

This is how she looks like right now, or even bigger now :)

11th of November, I just missed it.

2011-11-12T03:00:00.000+08:00

12th of November 2011.

There goes my chance of writing something on a very beautiful date that comes only once in a hundred years. I spent the whole day complaining about my neck. I reckon it is due to the long hours of sitting in front of the laptop and the wrong sleeping position. I was too tired to care about the way I sleep. A bed. That's all I need. Other than that, I spent the half of the day in front of the laptop again, typing out my report of JIT(puke blood), mocking other people on Twitter and when the night arrived, I went out with my Mom and my sister. Later, I hung out with a few friends and came back home, straight to the laptop again. As I am describing this, I feel like I am a dork.

Coming back to a comfortable surroundings, there's nothing more lovely than this. At the beginning of my holiday, my parents made the decision to put a stand on my future. Oh yes, you read that correctly. My future but they are willing to sponsor me, so it just became our future. Haha. I don't see the reason why I should oppose to such wonderful idea. I get to touch, smell and read more books in the next one and a half year. Decision has been made. I shall only follow. Its a bonus points for me actually. I can postpone any thoughts about the future. Just delay off the important things.

But of course, things come with its own pros and cons. I might be jealous when my friends can spend their own hard earned cash and here I am, I have to ask my parents for everything, still. Ah, this is all still in the planning and I hope God will bless this simple plan of mine and make everything easy, or at least bearable for me to go through.

Grow up, that's the only way to go.

2011-11-08T11:44:00.001+08:00

It's the holiday! It's the holiday! Yea, one can keep chanting, only to find out that its already the 4th day of the holiday! We are left with only 5 day and tonnes of assignments to be done. YIKES! Pushing that serious matter aside, I hope it's not too late for me to wish Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha to all the Muslims out there, be it in Malaysia, or anywhere else in the world, especially to those who are performing their Hajj. They are lucky enough to be there :')

My family tradition on my dad's side regarding Raya Haji is a bit lighter, compared to my mom's side. We don't really comply to any tradition, food may be served differently every year, sometimes we get duit raya, sometimes we don't, and you can not wear baju kurung on the day itself. It's normal. At least, I think it is. But one tradition remains the same, whereby the village will always hold its annual korban celebration. I've been watching cows get slaughtered ever since I was small. I would go and see it live and back then, I wasn't so afraid and scared to see such things. Probably because I was young and careless. Now, I am not young and I care-more. True story, sad story.

Raya Haji is actually about sacrifices. What kind of sacrifices do you make? What kind of sacrifices have I made? Not an easy list to fill up, not an easy matter to think of. I sacrificed my wants, for others needs. Sure, I can say that but what have I done? I sleep less these days, to make way for more studying? Pfttt. Well, I sacrificed my sleeping time in class, to make sure that I listen in class and not to offense the lecturer by sleeping. Haha what kind of sacrifice is that?

To be honest, I've got other things on my mind lately. Probably I shouldn't write it, I know I shouldn't but I guess we are all big enough to face our problems, rather than sweeping it under the carpet and the dusts keep on accumulating. Bullying, and I mean, any kind of bullying. I am the second child, out of four and the eldest one is a brother, a 26 year old brother. Bullying, teasing and fooling around are normal in my upbringing. True. My brother calls me Gemok, Kerinting, Maggi and all other stuffs since I was small. I am offended by it? Sometimes but if I were to take it seriously, what's the fun of it? So, I just take it as a way of to communicate. Of course we don't go by everyday by saying, Oh, I love you brother. I love you sister. Dushhhh. No way but I guess by him teasing me, its enough to let me know that he cares. Weird. So now, the table is turned. He's fatter than before. So I call him fat. He gets really offended by it. The same goes to my little brother. Both of them are men. Not just boys. They gained a few kilos and muscles can be seen everywere. Fat, too. For them to be calling me fat, that's fine. For me to be calling them fat, that's an insult. PFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

Many other things that have been happening around me lately. Things that I cannot comprehend. Things that when I look back, I cannot connect the dots, somehow. It doesn't jive. You bully other people, that's fine but when it is your turn to be teased and bullied, you sulk all the way. Bullying is wrong, not matter what but sometimes, its a way for us to be close. It has always been that way. I guess certain lines of limitations ought to be drawn and sometimes, we do cross the invisible line. This is a very subjective matter. What hurts me, might not hurt you.

Serious matter. I hate it when I am being bullied especially by this certain someone. The mop is calling me. Chow!

When reality and fantasy don't mix well.

2011-10-23T01:37:00.000+08:00

With that small brain that we are all given with, I bet all of us have this perfect life that we have created inside it. I did create one, I still have it inside my brain but I know, all I can do is imagine, plan and pray that it all goes according to plan. My definition of a perfect life doesn't mean that I go through it with no obstacles but I hope to face those obstacles and make it on time for the next plan that I have made ahead. A concept that is hard to comprehend? Yes, but I bet some people do get the gist of what I am saying.

Lately, the topic about who do you want to be after you graduate has been lingering on every one's mind. Of course. You can't run away from this topic. You can delay it, by saying you're going to further your study again, by taking professional papers and such but when you're done with it, aren't you suppose to face the reality and start to think about your career? Unless, you're from a well-off family, money is no problem, and your parents are willing to support you till the day you die. But for most of us, we don't get that kind of privilege. Cold hard fact about reality. I don't hate auditors. That's a fact. Do I admire them? I do. Do I want to be like them? I do. Do I have the guts/courage/strength/such characteristic for me to even think that I can be one? I don't think so. Do I want to be a banker? I kinda like the idea of me being one. A businesswoman? Yea, I've been toying with the idea for a while. I want to work with a telco company right? Or any GLCs? Well, am I even qualified enough to be accepted in that society? With all these question in mind, I think I should just continue with my professional papers.

This topic sucks. Of course. But at the end of the day, I guess its just about who will accept you in their firm. I can tell you my ambition, my career path that I have planned out in detail but what if the company that I want to work with rejects me? So, my back up plan is to go back to my previous internship company but what if, they doesn't want me there? Oh my, I wonder where is my instinct at times when I need it. So, at the end of the day, its not so much about what you want isn't it, but its about what you'll get.

Just like in choosing a guy. You can list down all the physical characteristics, social attributes and personal skills that you want but when the right guy comes along, all you can do is just cross everything off from the list. I like guys with facial hair, straight hair, speaks good English, fair, dark features, jaw line, not calculative, someone that will be approved by my mother but then...... I don't think the guy that I like has any of these characteristics except...... but yea, the list is out of the window. Erm, this is out of the topic isn't it? Is it even related? Hahaha.

I was just in the mood to write. So, might as well put everything in one post. Sakit otak pikir pasal masa depan. Especially uncertain future. At least its something that you can work on.. Improve yourself. Oh, time to hit the books. Minggu depan exam. Haha.

Be there, be here.

2011-10-11T20:08:00.000+08:00

Sometimes when a friend needs to talk to you, she just wants to talk. Sure, some would want you to voice out your opinion on that matter but most of the time, if she doesn't ask for it, then she just wants you to listen to it. She just wants you to lend her your shoulder just in case, she needs to cry. Sometimes, by you saying something you may be provoking it. Maybe. Don't say hurtful things just to get even. Have some mercy. I'm just saying.

She's very beautiful.

2011-10-02T18:33:00.000+08:00

One says go North,
One says go East.
I am going up.

October, you were awesome last year.

2011-10-02T00:26:00.000+08:00

So many things to say, I have no idea where to start. So, I guess by posting this picture, I can summarize things up. So, its obvious now that I fancy guys with a little bit of facial hair. Just some facial hair. Not body/chest hair. So, I think I should start writing serious matter now. So, I'll move on to the next paragraph now.

One month into my final semester, things have been moving awkwardly slow. Other classes are complaining how busy they are and we can still run to the cinemas and karaoke lounges for some movies and singing actions. I guess it is how you manage your time. Kekeke. Or maybe not. It all depends on which lecturer do you get this semester. As for now, I am thankful for the timetable and the lecturers that we got for our classes, except of course, for one particular lecturer that teaches one of our core paper *cough killer paper cough*.

And oh! The most important thing that I would to share here is...... the lifts at the Faculty are mostly under maintenance, hence the morning-stairs-climbing activity in order for you to get to class on time. It's a good cardiovascular exercise I reckon but frankly, if one wants to do it, one would have done it with a proper attire like sweat pants and sports shoes. Not slippers, cardigans and 7.9kilograms worth of Audit and Strategic Management colourful and cheerful notes. Oh, you noticed the sarcasm. Pardon myself. I am just annoyed with the fact that I am jumping from reading class to another one but of course, sometimes, the calculator made its appearance and of course, on the days that the calculator is needed, I forgot to bring it to class. Thus, I am still not a satisfied student.

What else can I complain? Nothing much I guess. Life has been fine, with a few glitches, here and there of course.

Have a good weekend everyone. It's short but it doesn't mean you can't stretch it out :)

A bit of everything.

2011-09-08T02:28:00.000+08:00

I counted. I was home for 43 days and this marks my last night at home for this holiday. I like to do countdowns. Yes, I do. When I am happy, I count and when I am not happy, I still count.

And this is my last night at home. 11 hours before, I was beyond excited to go back to Shah Alam. The idea of going back to class makes my heart tingle a bit and just the thought of climbing the stairs of Menara makes me want to dance a bit, instead of cringe a lot. But that was 11 hours ago, before I realized that I am leaving my little sister alone with my parents. An experience that I didn't have to go through while I was growing up since I had my other siblings and my cousins staying with me. She was being an angel today as I am still a bit down with fever. I had a glass of water and I wanted more. Just when I was just about to open my mouth, she went down right away and got me a glass of water. She's going to miss me and I am going to miss her. I love you, Adek ;-*

I am still excited to go back, though. Its a start of 6 months before I hit the end. Sucks just thinking about it.

Raya was just like any other Raya but it felt like a really laid back Raya. We didn't go out to visit any houses around Batu Pahat but we managed to continue the legacy of sleeping after lunch. It was executed well as the ones at home had more space and the ones that slept at the hotel had air-conds. Haha. Alhamdulillah, my duit Raya collection exceeded its expectation and last year's benchmark. I guess, you ought to have a benchmark if this is your last duit raya :( And next year, would be the first year where I will be giving out instead of receiving it. Hmmmmm. There shall be a post on that one and how I feel about it. Hehehehe. Late night visits to Mamak and Ramly proceeded well and eventhough all of us have grown up to be tall and big, we still managed to fit into the same old Unser. Hehe. I'm so proud of all of you :) Other than finding out that I am allergic to squid this Raya, all other things are fine.

What else? The holidays have been a good one. I don't think I did quarrel with my mom. I hang out with my friends on the nights that were possible for me to hang out. I like our last hang out the other day on the 8th of Raya, though it was like a partial gathering.

It was a great holiday for me, indeed. This posts sounds like someone who was forced to write. I guess, I better write than wondering what did I do for the past 43 days. I did a lot of things, and some shall just remain in my memory :)

Selamat Hari Raya.

Keep your brain sane because it's gonna have to function well this Monday.

Peace!

Odd numbered night that fell on a Friday :)

2011-08-27T02:53:00.000+08:00

The internet seems to be having a love hate relationship with all the members in the house right now. It'll appear for 30 minutes and then, it'll just magically disappear. It's not funny when you have typed lots of stuff or especially when you're bored.

I thought we're leaving for Penang today but turned out, Mom still has got her hantaran to be settled. Hence, I am still at home. It's no surprise actually. Every year, Mom will be super busy one day before we leave for Penang. The house will be in a chaotic mode and everyone will be stressed out. I'm 22 years old now. I should be adapting well by now. The normal scene would be, Mom is still caught up with her craft work like Raya hampers, hantaran, flowers bouquet and sometimes, baby sets. Dad will just be like any normal dad. He'll be sending the car to the mechanic to check on the temperature, tires and stuffs. I will be handling the house, cleaning up, running all minor errands and the rest will just do their things like pack their stuffs and all. To bicker and argue or get scolded around this time, is a normal thing. People scream when they are tired I guess and especially when they are hungry.

I dare not go out of the house during these times, though I really want to. Thank goodness I did go out yesterday and I've met with everyone that is available in town and wished them 'Selamat Hari Raya'. We should have taken a group photo yesterday but everyone was so hungry that everyone gobbled their food in silent mode. We enjoyed our seafood in such tranquility. Haha. Except for the 4 guys behind us, they talked non stop. Later on, Puteri joined us for drinks but our main mission to start the fireworks did not come true because AlorStar has been raining non stop. Its so cold right now, I might have thought that we're in London right now :P

But all in all, it has been a great 26 days of Ramadhan. Up till this day, I haven't eaten any fast food for my buka puasa meal. How awesome is that? And oh, before I forget, I would like to wish Hannah a happy 22nd birthday. This girl will be leaving us again, for the second time for London, again. Again, dude? London is not that cool alright? With all the riots, I hope you take care and rent a huge big room for me to come over and visit you :P

Enjoy the rest of the Ramadhan, people!

2011-08-25T02:03:00.001+08:00

Am I the only who is not excited about Raya? Sorry cousins, but I am not. Having to go through the journey of visiting 3 states in 3 days? God, it is tiring. The only part that I am excited and looking forward to is, meeting the family members but other than that, the cleaning part, I am not thrilled about it.

I guess I should not be all selfish and think about the time that I have now, to spend with both of my grandmothers. I am, but thinking about the other things, makes me restless.

Tomorrow will be the last day with my friends before I make a move and leave for Penang, KL and Johor. I hope tomorrow will be a splendid day as we are going to Kuala Perlis for seafood for buka puasa. The plan after that is to play fireworks. Let's hope it all works out well.

Hope you guys are having enjoying the last bits of Ramadhan and just in case I don't have time to wish you, here it goes.

Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin. I really mean it :) Have a good hari Raya!

You got me.

2011-08-25T00:48:00.004+08:00

Forever I will be envious of you,
To be getting a chance I never had.
To be his choice, when I was only his option.
To be his priority, when I was only his spare time.
To be his number one, when I was never even in his chart.
To be in his heart, when I was never even on his mind.
To be apart of his future, when I was only in his past.
To be apart of his days, when I'm only in it during the holidays,
And, to be apart of his plans, when I was never in it in the first place.

Envy, that was the word to describe all of it.
Happy, I really was happy for him.
Devastated, because I thought I was making him happy.

But, I never did interrupt. Never.
Forever I will be envious of you for being the lucky one to win over his heart.
Consider yourself lucky.
You had your chance but you let it slip.
So, just be thankful that you did
And stop blaming me for all your misery.
Because I never did.

God, things happened aeon ago.

I bet Gordo didn't know about this.

2011-08-20T03:45:00.000+08:00

Third post for the night, call me a freak. I don't mind. Last Sunday, Hilary Duff tweeted that it's her first anniversary with Mike Comrie and..... baby makes three! I basically grew up with Hilary Duff and this news means, Lizzie McGuire is pregnant. Hahaha. Some says she's a slut for being pregnant at 23 years old. Pfttt, the Americans. She's turning 24 next month. Get a grip of yourself. She got married first, the she got knocked up. Yeah, I am being defensive. It's Hilary Duff.

So, congrats Hilary and Mike. I can't wait to see your little baby :)

Ps : This is a compulsory post. Engagement, done. Wedding, done. Now, baby time. I feel like I'm going to be an aunt. A virtual aunt. Haha. What a way to show my bimboness. Woohooo! Pfttt!

Flipping through my old documents.

2011-08-20T03:06:00.000+08:00

"Here I am, standing in front of a mirror. Looking through it, transparently. Who I am now and who I was months ago, are two separate entities. I vowed to myself, with an open heart, that I’ll keep learning about myself. Not a promise I made to another soul, just a promise I kept to myself, quietly. A sense of independency I pride to have with less intensity in everything I strike to own. My pride is a priority in everything I do with an honor I hold on to, all the time. I am not willing to sacrifice my stands and beliefs. Rarely did I walk with a sorrow heart. My head held up high, always prepared for the undiscovered truth. Honesty does pay some days. Tightly, I grabbed those opportunity that stood perfectly in front of me, with no hesitation. I crumpled my devastation and threw it in a wide ocean. Little wisdom words accompanied me all the way in my journey of life. My heart stopped pumping a few times, due to some rare events. Never did I admit that most of the time, words eat me up slowly and deadly. My confidence level rolled like a ball. Sometimes it is way up high, but most of the time, it is downwards. The world goes round, without the slightest doubt. I posed myself as someone who can walk and stand tall but little do they know, I’m crying inside like a baby. The world doesn’t view someone smart as gorgeous. I am far from pretty but at least, I have brains to back me up. I adore material things but clearly, life’s more than that. It’s just a way to measure your greediness when the rest of the world is suffering. Life is so much more than that. Wish I could change the world but I’m pulling my strength just to get through a day of chaos. The pretty people have an invisible pass to stay on top of the game and the opposite, oh well, more towards the end. Call me shallow or dumb, that’s how the world works. I didn’t set the rule nor do I really play by the rule."

27 April 2010.

11.53am.

A broken heart can do wonders.

Time flies.

2011-08-20T02:51:00.002+08:00

2.36am, 19 Ramadhan.

Selamat berpuasa folks. Its a bit late, but at least we have 10 more days to go right? 10 more precious days to go in this holy month. Every year, I vow to myself that this Ramadhan will be better than the year before but I've been skipping my terawikh, I think I should be punished. I've got 10 more days to improve and I should be good.

Frankly speaking, this Ramadhan feels slightly different or maybe, a lot different. I am at home for 30days and not just a few days. For the past four years, fasting month means dragging your lazy ass to class, being extra hyper when you go to the bazaar with your friends, dragging your full tummy to the mosque, waking up your friends and yourself for Sahur and blaming terawikh for the unfinished assignments the next day. Haha. And of course, copying your friend's assignment in class, the next day.

I miss those times where we would drive to the mamaks and Nasi Lemak SS22 in PJ at the wee hours for sahur. I miss going to the bazaar with my classmates and not knowing what to buy on the 7th day of Ramadhan. I miss having gatherings during weekends with my family for Iftar. I miss seeing all the sleepy faces during Sahur. I miss having little gatherings with my Kedah friends especially since Ramadhan always comes around at the end of the semester, we are all tied up with work and to gather everyone is such a challenge but we always manage to pull through. I miss going to class and talk about what to eat and quarrel with my fellow classmates on who's turn it is to pick the restaurant. I just miss Shah Alam. And oh, I miss going to Masjid Shah Alam for terawikh and then we will all be swooning over the hot guys wearing baju Melayu and they all look so wangi. Hehe. Talk about killing two birds with one stone :)

So, I think you get the point. I miss Shah Alam. I just wish that I realized that the last Ramadhan that I had with them was actually the last one that I'll ever have with them. I mean, it's the last one that we have while we are studying because like it or not, we are not going to see each other as much when the next Ramadhan makes an appearance. Just a sign that we are growing too fast. Too, too fast.

Urgh.

2011-08-19T02:00:00.001+08:00

I am not in the mood because of the blog's layout. Should I make a new blog? But I love this one too much.

My advice to you;

2011-08-14T03:28:00.000+08:00

Please don't be a jerk when you grow up because with that look, you can break lots of hearts little boy. I'll hold your hands forever if that is a promise that you're not going to be one :P

Next destination; Seoul, Korea

2011-08-09T17:09:00.006+08:00

Never in a million years would I thought that I would want to go to Korea with my own consent, but it just shows the power of peer pressure! Hehe. I knew my friends were going as they have bought tickets since November last year and I did ask my mom for her consent in November but somehow I failed because at that time that I asked her, she was watching tv. So I stopped trying. Then, two weeks before they were going, Hannah said she wanted to follow and when I heard that, I freaked out! I wanted to follow too! I was still doing my internship at that time but luckily I had no work that needs to be done.

The sneaky little me did her magic on her brother and got to use her last FOC ticket with my friends in Seoul :D The funny thing about this trip is, ever since we all became close during our Diploma days, we have always wanted to go on a trip somewhere. First it started with Penang, then Kedah, then Sabah but nothing happened. The closest trip that we got was when we went to Sungai Gabai.

That was uber fun but we have always wanted more but to gather all 10 of us is quite a hassle thing to do and to think that this trip really happened, it is actually a miracle ;)

That night, we left the office at 6pm and I had dinner at MidValley with Cibi & Lyzer. We were taking our own sweet time and suddenly we realized that I was late for my 11.30pm flight. We rushed off to the airport and finally made it on time :) Thank you guys for sending me off. Let's not do that again alright because while you were driving Lyzer, I was actually making up excuses to give to my Mom if I really did miss the flight. Hehe.

Then, everything went smoothly and I touched down at Incheon Airport at around 7.30am. After a long walk to the arrivals, I finally saw a bunch of Malay girls, hiding behind each other. Funny. I was actually looking for a signage with my name ' Jasmin Anis' on it because they promised me that :( but turned out I got a bunch of wacko friends but I can't blame them for being crazy, they had to wake up at 6am to come pick my up at the airport to ensure that I didn't get lost. Thank you Aloyah, Hannah & Syaza. I don't think I will reach the hostel safely and sanely without you guys.

After going on 3 trains and 1 bus, we finally reached the hostel and I met with the rest of my friends, Salihah, Falihin, Hanis, Min, and Farah. On that day, they wanted to go to some of the tourist places, so I just tagged along and follow their plans. Took a quick shower and we went straight to Namsan Tower, The Teddy Bear museum and the Hanbok Village( I think so).

On the first day, I got to eat Cold Stone ice cream. I've been craving for this thing since we got back from LA last year, so to have this in Korea on the first day that I am here, I began to slowly like Korea :P

For me to wear the hanbok is really something weird because when I put it on, my friends will start laughing. I have no interest in it and I just put it on because they put it on but hey, I feel more 'cultured' now. Hehe.

Then we went to MyeongDong, a place where the K-Pop celebrity likes to shop. I like that place because its a street mall, rather than a normal mall. The brands are just the same like the ones in Malaysia but there are some of their local brands too, like SPAO. They forced me to enter the store and I got out of it with a pair of flipflop. Now I go around telling people that I got a pair of SNSD's slipper. Hehe.

I went around the city the whole day while trying not to fall asleep because boy, I was extremely tired from the travelling.

Came back home, fell flat on the bed and woke up the next day ready for the next adventure. Going into the second day, we both split into 2 groups. I should name one group as the K-Pop group and the other as Non K-Pop group. Its quite obvious isn't it? I don't fancy K-Pop so I shall belong to the latter group. The K-Pop group went to see all the K-Pop celebrities at the 63 Building( I think that's the name). That's like their little Hollywood where all the artists perform and have their shows there so, no. We are not interested in that. Haha.

So, we went on a shopping trip at Ide, World Cup Stadium and we visited the Ewha Womans University, which is a very modern and beautiful university. It's a nice place to study but if there's only girls in there, I shall never enroll in that university. Haha ;P

Later, we were supposed to meet the other group somewhere but due to some miscommunication problems, we went elsewhere. We ended up at the other side of the town and had Thai food for dinner! My tummy was very happy that night :)

On the third day, we met up with Yazid and we embarked on another cultural trip to the palaces and museum but the weather wasn't good that day and Mr Sun decided not to make an appearance. It rained quite badly so we didn't walk around the palace. Oh well, as long as I can see the palace from the museum, I can still say, 'Oh, I've been there' Hihi. That's the spirit!

At that time, I can still remember that I was asking Teh O' Ais from my friends because I was so thirsty and it has been two days since I last got my Teh O' Ais. Haha. Yes, very the kampung.

Then, we went on the subway again and stopped at the next station to go to the place where they sell lots of souvenirs. Yes, I forgot the name of the place but I do remember that we met some UiTM students who were on a holiday as well. *Hello guys!*

During this time, we split again. The K-Pop group stopped at this particular shop to buy all sorts of K-Pop celebrities merchandises for almost an hour, I could grow a beard while waiting, or maybe my hair will be straight. Haha. They were going crazy and the Non K-Pop group just waited outside while eating ice cream, snapping pictures and dancing in the rain :D

So, yes. The day proceeded well after everyone got their stuff :)

Moving on to the next day, they were keen on entertaining me ( I think) because it was my third last day and I still haven't done any massive shopping and so, we went to Dongdaemon and Namdaemun, which are the common place if you want to buy brooches, accessories, bags and Korean silk & cotton in bulk. Somehow we got to the places a tad too late and all the shops were already closing but I managed to buy some Korean cotton material for my Baju Raya and some lace for the neckline too! Yipppiiieeee !

And later we went back to Myeongdong because I wasn't satisfied with my purchase of the day. Hehe. The thing is, before I came here I had this material that I like and I thought there would be plenty of them in Korea. Lucky enough, there had a lot of it there but it was not as cheap as I thought it would be but heck, I ended up with 4 of the same top in different colour =)) Then, I was extremely satisfied with my purchases of the day. Haha.

On that particular day, we had a really nice lunch at the food court. We had ikan bakar with big, large, humongous bean sprouts but it was quite good.

But of course, not everyone loves bean sprouts! Hehe

On my second last day there, we all went to Nami Island where the shot Winter Sonata there. To go there, you would need to take the bus, change to subway, change to the train, get in the cab, ride the big ferry and tadaaa, you're there. Not quite tadaa actually, it'll take you around 2 hours but the journey was worth every minute of it.

The place is so beautiful, it'll take your breath away. No wonder couples like to go there. Its a romantic place and I bet if its during autumn or winter time, it'll be even more pretty as the leaves and the snow falls down to the ground...... You know, you would want to go there with your partner one day, one fine day :) We rented a bicycle for each of us and we cycled around the island. I would say it was among the interesting thing that we've done there because somehow it was a funny cycling trip.

For lunch time, we had a rice box set which consists of rice, egg and kimchi. Just shake it, open it and feed yourself well :)

Then, on our way back, Min(a crazy girl from Bangi) decided to go on a bungee jump. It was 55ft high above the water but she managed to pull it off. I.WOULD.NEVER.DO.THAT.In fact, she paid for it. I.WOULD.NEVER.PAY.ANYONE.JUST.SO.THAT.I.CAN.JUMP.OFF.A.CLIFF. Perhaps she found some kind of satisfaction by doing it, then good for her. LOL! But yes, she was our hero of the day! Weeeee!

That night, they let me choose where was the last place that I wanted to go, since I am going back the next day and I answered I wanted to go to somewhere that is beautiful and they suggested that we go visit the Rainbow bridge. I like pretty bright light and if it means that we have to walk for half an hour, then so be it. We will walk '-' but the thing is, after walking for 30 minutes, we waited for almost one and a half hour for nothing. We found out that the lights would only be available for public on weekends.

I was crushed but in a way I didn't really mind because I got to spend my last night, sitting in front of the beautiful bridge with my friends, with or without the light. All together now, auwwwwww... Hahaha but it was still pretty though. The couple next to us was so in love, they were staring into each other's eyes the whole time while eating sashimi and a group of aunties were lying on the ground, while having a pillow talk. It made us wonder whether will we still be able to have pillow talks when we reach that age? LOL!

And the next day, I went back to Malaysia. My flight was at 11.30am. Hence I had to leave the room at around 7am in the morning. This time, Falihin and Salihah sent me off because even after 6 days in Seoul, jumping in and out of the train, I still cannot read the route. Thank you guys.

Now I know that Seoul is so huge. Their subway route is probably 5 times bigger than London's tube route. They love to publicize plastic surgery because it is their culture there. They eat lots of veggies. There are not many good looking Korean people on the streets, probably the beautiful ones have been abducted to be the next superstar. They are very warm. When they are in a relationship, they like to wear similar clothes. Even though they are a big country, somehow they are very organized. I am glad I did this with my friends because this is actually our final year and I can safely say that I've been on a holiday with them and it was one hell of a trip :DD Thank you guys for taking care of me for 6 days. Hehe. I love you guys so much and by typing this, I really miss the trip :)

One significant person.

2011-08-09T02:11:00.002+08:00

Came back home this time around and I've been bombarded with questions that I don't have answers. Let alone be specific ones. If only those answers would easily come by flipping a book or just by flipping a coin. It's not and I don't have them. I can lie, sure I can but what do I get out of lying. Tell me one person who is not scared or worried about the future.

And then, come this one person. This one very significant person in my life, telling me how scary life is. Tell me how do I feel?

Or how should I feel now?

Talking about the future is a scary thing!

2011-08-05T02:28:00.002+08:00

People around me has been asking me what am I going to do after I've graduated? Some is reminding me that I am graduating soon and some thought that I have even graduated. I have one more semester to go and that would be my last semester. Sob sob. Btw, people, please take note that this is my last semester, which means that I am still a student and I am still entitled to receive duit raya. *cough cough* :D

So, back to the main topic. What am I going to do after I am done with my degree? If I were to leave that question to my mother, her answer would be taking another degree in Journalism. Alright, let's talk about that. I've made a conclusion that I don't have what it needs to be a journalist. My vocabulary sucks, I am still confused with verb and noun, I write when I am in the mood and to be a journalist was a dream only when I was 15 years old. I've outgrown those teenage dreams of mine and I think this small space of mine is enough to be an outlet for me. So, journalism, you should leave the train now.

And if I were to ask my father, his answer is to get a job. No doubt. I will get a job but in what field? I don't know but I know I want to be in the financial line and that's all I know. My father even asked if I want to continue my professional papers in UiTM and I straight away answered 'No'. My university is fine, I love it, of course but it would be great if I could study elsewhere just to get some fresh air but weird thing is, I don't feel like studying abroad too. I used to be so excited when this topic appears but now, it's like, I am over it but I am open to working abroad though. I don't mind going there to work but I have got this kampung mentality where I wouldn't mind going if I am married. Is that kampung? Or maybe I just need to make sure that I am all ready and secured, by all means.

And what else can I do? If I were to say that I want to go to the States and apply to work with Taylor swift, will I look like a bimbo? But everyone keeps on saying, 'Follow you dream, follow your dream' and I am being real now by saying, that is my dream. I want to work with her on her tour. Don't ask me what's my position but if it means I'm going to be the girl that does her hair, then so be it. I'll do her hair. I want to take a break but if taking a break means doing nothing and updating my blog with nonsense, then I'll pass. I'd rather have a job then.

This is all so confusing. Bottom line is, my parents are supportive in everything that I want to do except on that Taylor Swift part. Fine, I'll scratch that off my list :S Somehow, I wish I took up medicine or a course that will give me a job straight without me having to decide what I want to do in life. It's tough being a mediocre since everyone is one too! I should have pushed myself harder whenever I could and be good at something but now its a bit too late isn't it? All I can do is just sit, think, study hard-er for my last semester and get a good guy to marry. After all, it is a scary world out there.

I think, on my next post I shall give my 2 cents on marriage or more like, wedding!

July, the climax of 2011!

2011-08-03T02:57:00.001+08:00

July came in with a bang and I ought to do a post on each of the events, separately. I owe that to each of those special event :) but before I forget what happened in this happy month, I think I should list it down and look back with a big smile.

1st of July - 6th of July ; Celebrated the end of my internship in Seoul, Korea with my closest classmates. They ended their internship a month earlier. Hmph! So, it was my celebration. Hehe
8th of July-10th of July ; Went to Perhentian Island. Believe it or not, that was actually my first time going to an island, I mean an actual island (Push aside Port Dickson and Langkawi). I actually had to learn how to snorkel.
11th of July; Drove to Batu Pahat to pick up my Grandmother and after 5 minutes of reaching and loading her into the car, we went back straight to KL. All in all it was a 5 hour drive and that's actually my first time of doing it.
13th of July-27th of July; Sife preparation was during this period and in between those moments, I had to sneak out and find time to do other things as well and I think I succeeded :)
13th of July; Bought a last minute ticket to see Arsenal/Theo Walcott and it was all worth it :DD
15th of July; Moved out of our first rented house. I am officially a girl who merempats now but let's not worry anymore, we've secured a house, right in front of our old house!
16th of July; Volunteered for Graduan, a small career fair held at KLCC. It was tiring but somehow it opened my eyes to the corporate world. Like I didn't get enough exposure in those six months "_" and at night, Hannah had a farewell party and it felt like a small gathering. That was nice and I was very happy that day, indeed.
23rd of July; Mak Long's 70th birthday. After 2 weeks of not seeing any family member, it was definitely a relief to see them all being pampered with nice food and delicious cakes :)
24th of July-26th of July; Sife National Exposition. Another great experience but this year, we synergized all of our campuses and we are a really big team this year. So, we lost. Big deal.
27th of July; Came back home after 3 months or less of not being here. The parents are happy. Mom planned my holidays ahead and dad brought back lots of local fruits. He knows I like them, a lot.
29th of July; Big silly brother came back and we(minus little brother) went to Hatyai. There's actually nothing much there but we love the Tecso Lotus. We really do. So we practically bought groceries in Hatyai. Ha ha ha!
30th of July; Little crankly brother came back from his campus and we all went back to Penang to welcome Ramadhan with our grandmother.

And that is pretty much my July. That's the big events, I didn't list down all the hangouts with all the friends because that would be too tiring to do at 3am in the morning. Hehe. I still think I should do a post on each on them, just so that I would remember them but I'll do so when I am ready and not so lazy :P

6 months of learning outside the classroom.

2011-07-19T00:42:00.000+08:00

I wanted to join the Big 4. I wanted to know what was all the fuss about. I wanted to experience audit life. I wanted to know whether do I want to do it in the future.I wanted and I got it.

6 months of being clueless and nervous at all times is not fun but the experience that you get in return, is something that you can never trade it with anything else. I learned a lot in those six months.

* Gah, my writing is getting a bit rusty. I can't construct a simple sentence properly. *

With a few clients that I went to, I managed to learn about the routes available in KL. Going to work everyday seems like a new adventure especially if you're going to the office. Waking up at ~~six,~~seven in the morning, getting ready, having to go through the Federal highway traffic and then you park your car at Lot F. A big car park area made specially for those working around that area but for the firm that I'm working for, its a bit special because we have our own shuttle bus. Its not a fancy bus. It's just another shuttle bus. Then, going into the building, we tag our own card and work starts.. Provided that there's any for you (interns).. If not, you can just lazy around and see who's online on ST and just start to chit chat. If there's no work, its a requirement for you to update your BBM status and change it to "Melangut" so that your other friends who are working there will know that you have nothing to do and their reply will be " You kat office jugak?! Yey! Let's have lunch together! Btw, I tengah melangut jugak!" And your BBM status will change again, " Melangut kat office with XXX" Hahaha this was among the fun things that I did at the office. Muahaha, other than that, having coffee at level 15 is quite exciting because sometimes, you just had to run upstairs or cabut from your seniors just to go have a laugh with your friend for a while, provided that there are friends la in the building. Other than that, you do some administrative work and you run around, going to the typist and such. Well, of course I had to do other things as well but you know, work is work.

I actually intended to write a much proper version of my internship but God, I feel like writing it now but I am actually to sleepy. So, would I want to join the same company again? Frankly, I like the firm. Its a professional firm and when you tell people that you're from that particular company, they go like "Oh wow.." but I guess the reaction comes with a price, which means you work like a....... I mean, you work like crazy. Not that I had to work like crazy la the other day but you tend to observe and see the surroundings around you and you can't stop but ponder if this is what you want to go through in your future? After all, you only have one life. But then again, I actually like the nature of the work but I hate the formality of the work that comes along with it. I hate. And if I really want to join, then I know I have to sacrifice my time, a lot. But on the other hand, I know I need the exposure, the knowledge and the skills. I have none. I need some. I really do. So now, if you do see me at the same building in a year's time, you know why and probably that's the last and the hardest choice I had to make or most probably(the biggest possibility) because some investment bank turn down my application to join them.

That's why.

In between Sife and life.

2011-07-19T00:22:00.000+08:00

19 days ago, I was still working as an intern but today, I am just another student who is on her holiday, enjoying and savouring every moment of it, but I've got a long way to go before classes start in September. So, in the mean time, I am filling up my time with some Sife activities before I head home next week! :D

19 days ago, I was counting my days, day and night, week by week, month by month but now, I can't even remember what day and date it is, I just live.

I should make a new post about my internship now I guess because I don't want to forget it. Alright, jump to the next post.

Mandi is only an option.

2011-07-11T19:37:00.001+08:00

This is actually my first day of doing nothing since I ended my internship, precisely 10 days ago. I practically did nothing. I woke up at 6.45am to pray and then, dozed off till 11am and the lazy routine goes on and on. I ate, I slept, I ate again, I woke up, I watched some television, I dozed off again and here I am. I had plans to go to Sh Alam today but my car is overheated for some reason that I cannot/do not know how to explain, hence my laziness.

Anyways, I have 3 things that I'd like to blog about actually, my internship and my 2 holidays but I guess I have to clean myself first before even thinking of blogging right? I haven't even taken a bath since morning. Told ya, its the holiday season.

This is my favourite picture of my 6 days holiday in Seoul. Suits me best. Suits us best.
Sleeping. Anywhere.

Google, thank you. I'd love to work with you.

2011-06-23T17:35:00.001+08:00

And they say I don't write 'jiwang' material anymore. I googled the word jiwang and one of the definition is 'deeply in love' *face, meet palm*. They, who are they, sheesh, don't ask me who are they. So, my answer to that is, lately I haven't been inspired. So, they answered back 'Oh, all this while ade inspiration la?' or something like that. Bahahaha. That particular they, even munched ~~her~~ their Blackberry screen, just in case for future reference. Funny things that keep me laughing while I am driving (Oops).

I think it's quite obvious that I am bored and I am having a migraine attack. No food and drinks consumption since last night, due to obvious reason. (Read : fasting). I had to educate my associate about fasting. I told her I am hungry and I have a bit of a headache, she said 'Drink water laa'. Hahah. I wish I could. Hence, here comes my part where I have to tell her that we don't drink and eat from dusk to dawn, or is it the other way round, dawn to dusk. Wait, I'm gonna go google. Okay, got it. Dawn till dusk.

The other I had to educate them and (myself as well) about why women don't go to the mosque for Friday prayers. I was quite embarrased actually when I couldn't answer. I should have known why. So, a friend gave an answer through Twitter saying that it's because the mosque used to be small and limited, thus, the priority goes to the men. Wait, let me go ask Mr Google again. He seems to know it all :P

Oh my O_O The answers available is too broad. Seems like I need more time to do a research on this. As for now, time's up. Its 5.31pm. It's beyond my working hour :)

But hey, the core part of the post is still hanging ( At least I think so) about the jiwang part. The thing is, I can probably still write and the same person can still give me much inspiration. Just by looking at that person, can still give me like some kind of feeling ( Don't ask, I can't explain) but is it still appropriate to post it here?

They say ( Some other people, not the same they as above) that, the messages, notes and posts written but they are not being sent means a lot more. Hell, they mean a lot. Yes. Okay, I want to go back. Bye. That's the end of day 98709876097687 of my internship, Thus, 5 more days left. Toodles.

I have the biggest crush on you because you're dashing but that's just about it.

2011-06-21T22:19:00.001+08:00

The countdown has started six months ago, I just didn't think that we would actually come this close to the end. 9 more days left, 6 more working days & one day for clearance.

The book that I have closed long ago, is slowly re-appearing in my sleep. It's a lose-lose situation, not a win-win situation. I snooze, I lose. I'm freshly awake, I still lose.

If I could just reveal myself, I would. It would make my life easier and your life a living hell. I just don't want to ruin it because I don't want people to do that to me as well.

If I can pick any place I want to go right now, it would be London. I just need 4 days. One day in Bicester and the other 3 days in Oxford St. I'll come back sane, happy, an empty pocket but a whole new wardrobe :)

Maybe I should start reading a book but not fiction ones. My vocabulary is so poor that the other day, I had to pretend like as if I understand what my mom was talking about when I dont. I need to brush up on my English words( a lot of them).

Maybe I should start a new routine. For example, wake up at 6.45am and not 7.15am so that I dont miss out my Subuh prayers but its a lot easier to be said that actually being done.

But over the days, I learned that when you make time for God, God will actually make time for you. InsyaAllah. I learned that the hard way because He pays cash these days. In cold hard cash.

But I also learned that I am actually going to miss working. Boo me! But I don't think I'm gonna miss it that much for me to stay for another two months though :p

You say I'm being defensive, I say you're being offensive.

2011-06-14T23:14:00.000+08:00

Definition given by an anonymous. Thus, I am quoting the anonymous.

Mom worked on her magic trick again, last week.

She has been asking me to come back since last week. It's not that I didn't want to go back but a 2 day weekend is quite short and to go back and forth from KL to Alor Star is really tiring.

792km (392km x 2) in 2,880 minutes (48hours x 60minutes), is something.

BUT, when a mother asked you to do so, you will drag your lazy ass home.

To me, my mother's words are law as she speaks.

It's an unwritten rule that all four of us understand, in real silence.

Killer Instinct.

2011-06-14T23:13:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I hate my instincts for being right. It should have been a reminder to tell myself to do the right things, to make the correct decision and to live peacefully but sometimes, you tend to go against your own self just to test the water out. Perhaps you should not have done that. Starting tomorrow, I have only 15 days left in the firm, because as much as I complain, I know I am going to end up with a bittersweet feeling and mixed emotions. Today, I went back at almost 9pm, I think this is the longest I've ever stayed just to finish my job. Usually, I'll just leave but today, the senior that I was helping was really nice, sweet, helpful and very down to earth. It didn't feel like a chore to help her out, it just felt good but come 8.45pm, I became fidgety. I wanted to go home. Haha. That was the longest I can do. I will be happy to leave the work behind, happy to wake up late everyday but I will be sad thinking about how I can't just access the firm whenever I want to, well, not that I have any other purpose to do so, but you know, just having those options are better than, none! Hehe.

Yesterday was Sharifah Sakinah's birthday (Happy birthday babe :D I wish you all the best in life and I hope you'll get married soon :DDD. Haha) but 6 days ago was another friend's birthday which I totally forgot and I feel like a bad friend, because up until now, I still haven't wished her yet. I promise I will do it after I am done with this, but just incase you're reading this Liy ( I can't type your name in full because if people were to Google you, they'd find my blog... So, Liy is fine right...) Happy 22nd birthday pretty :) New Zealand seems so faraway right now but I know you're coming back soon :DD

Birthdays add up another year to our age, and so, a friend is living up to it by getting hitched this coming weekend. I am 22 years old (soon, not yet) and I've got a close friend who is getting married. I can't even find my other half yet, I can't even decide what to eat for dinner on a daily basis, let alone to take care of another human being, and more human being to come?! Ahhhhh, it's not my turn yet so Fafa, congratulations on your wedding :) See you on Saturday!

I play a scene in my head and within seconds, it happened.

Pictures time :)

2011-06-09T10:48:00.004+08:00

This is actually so cute. Mom brought her new little kittens to KL along with her last week. The kids were so excited and in this picture, they were staring at the kittens in awe, especially that little naughty boy, Elan. He wanted to get in the cage and cekup the cats and kiss it too! So freaking cute! :')

Ps : Mom is feeding them with little mini bottles. Its amazing how dedicated she is, because the kittens need to be fed every other hour, just like a new born baby. That's dedication Mother.

Last week we had our first SIFE BootCamp and we got these t-shirt that is HUGE and if you can't see what it says on the t-shirt, then there is something wrong with your eyes.. because it is really big..

Dinner with the working ladies at Sakae Sushi at the Curve and later, dessert at Chocolate something something, I can't remember its name but the dessert was so yummy, I had to rub my tummy :P

See this, the three of us had to squeeze in this little tiny space for 2 days but these are only some of the documents and files. Working with them was quite fun but they are workaholic, like really workaholic.

This was a nerve-wrecking day. It was our evaluation day, where the lecturer came to assess us and will decide whether we all pass the internships or not. I really hope that I pass though. Haha. We finally met each other again after 5 months of being at different locations with different tasks and seniors. After 5 months, we should all be a bit more experienced and wiser but I doubt that on my side. Am I much wiser? If I am then why do I feel like slapping myself on the face hard, today? Because I was being so blur and stupid. Oh yeah, I just got an email from the HR department, saying that we should do a few things before we close the chapter of internship in our life :) That should put a smile on my face.

Moja, Qosh and Salmah just graduated and so, they had a little graduation party at Fullhouse, Sunway Giva.
One is working with GE, one is currently doing her internship with Microsoft in Singapore and one is..err, still looking for a job but you'll make us proud, Momo. Hehe. These guys are the backbones of Sife and they are leaving us :'(
I wish you guys all the best in everything that you do and have a great future ahead of you :)
Ps: Had a great time with them as usual, then one of the alumni told us a little secret about ourselves just by a glimpse of our signature. Scary.. because it's quite true and accurate..

On the exact day that this picture was taken, I remember that I missed this particular cheeky boy so much, that I had to rush back home. He wasn't this quiet. That's why I had to hold him like that. He is slowly picking up words around him but he can't seem to pick up the word 'Aunty Min' !

We looked like yellow teletubbies. Haha. We got up at 7.50am on a perfect Sunday morning just to go see Faizal Tahir that sang only 2 songs. Okay, they woke me up at 7.50am so that they can see Faizal Tahir sings live at One Utama. He's good, like really good. They are big fans, I am just another girl who listens to his songs on the radio, when it is on. But most importantly, we got free milk and free shot glasses :)

Ohmyfreaking..

2011-06-07T09:04:00.003+08:00

Oh my, I cannot access Facebook from here anymore....Then, it's gonna be so boring because I cannot access Twitter as well. It means that I have to do work...or nothing...I prefer nothing but I only have 23 days left here before I get to do nothing, so I think I should do work but right now, no work to be done, so I think I better stay here. Hehe.

The cousins are all hyped for our little Perhentian vacation on the 8th of July which means, they are working out like crazy as if they are running for a marathon or better yet, like they are the fattest kid that get featured on The Skinniest Loser of All. Crazy this people, I tell you.

But unlike them, for me, it was like I just joined The Food Channel or something, with Ian Wright. Food is everywhere and I can't seem to get my hands and mind off from them. Yesterday, I had roti bom with chicken curry in the morning, rice, fried chicken, kuah masak lemak and veggies, oh the dessert for breakfast was Molten Lava cake made by Fiza Khalid, then, bread with kuah sardine, then Molten Lava cake lagi. Then we went to Ikea and we had meatballs and Daim cake and we tapau-ed Currypuff for tea, of course I had that as well. We went back home and we had ubi kayu rebus with sambal, and for dinner we had char kueu tiau and later, I had KitKat for dessert. God, I'm tired just by writing this, I wonder how did I swallow everything in one day.

And the best part is, I didn't feel guilty. HAHAHA. And those crazy obsessive bunch wanted to go running la, go jumping la and all. I've been exercising, trust me but food is another category of exercising, that I actually enjoy. Haha. So, starting tomorrow, I think I should start fasting again because this is getting ridiculous. The things the discussed about are like monokinis and bikinis, and I was like, can I just wear a tshirt or something? Haha. Dang it! Need.To.Work.Out.As.Well.

29 days to go.

2011-06-02T13:24:00.000+08:00

Hello June, you look lovely but you started off roughly.

On the last day of May, we had a celabratory dinner to sort off 'celebrate' those who had just finished their internship while me, on the other hand, has got 30 more days to go. One month to be precise. Am I excited to end this thing? Hell yeah. Have I decided whether I want to venture into it again? Half-heartedly, yes. I don't want to join this line again, BUT, I know I will learn a lot and I know I should learn a lot and devote myself into this industry till I am at least, a bit smarter. One senior asked me the other day, how old am I, I said '22 years old'. He said, I should be enjoying life. I thought so too but the way I look at it now, there's two sides of the coins right?

I just know that I don't want to be waking up in the morning feeling miserable, like I am now. The routine now is, I'll sleep at around 12am, and wake up at around 6.55am. Sometimes, I'll take a long shower in the morning (I usually take a quick shower, like really quick and short but I still smell nice ;P ) just to prep me for work. I will try to cheer up but still, feels like I had to drag me feet, my hair, and my heart to go to the car and start the engine. Being miserable is not the way to live your life. Probably because I don't enjoy working in the current team or I don't know. My favourite team mate is on study leave, thus, leaving me with some seniors. Then, it is true about what you learned in Management class. The people around you does play a part.

Ignore this, I am going out with my cousin tonite for a sushi session. I'm fasting, so I am hungry :O On a side note, I am bored right now. Bored. I don't fancy anyone lately. Is there anything wrong with that?

Looking for that thing, that you took while you went away.

2011-05-27T01:27:00.000+08:00

My heart is all over the place tonight. All over, literally. My brain left me 3 days ago, it went back to Kedah while my body is still in Shah Alam.

I went to Petronas to check on whether there are any available tickets left for me to go back to Kedah but luck was not on my side, because the school holiday is coming up. Taking the flight is neither an option now because its just impossible to get the seat.

I am trying to cheer myself up. Looking for ways and tonight, everything seems wrong. WRONG.

I hate this feeling.

Big Flop.

2011-05-19T16:54:00.003+08:00

I wanted to start off this post with a peribahasa, I don't know which one is suitable but the meaning that I have in mind is like "......... memakan diri sendiri," Make sense? It's okay, let me re-cap what I've written a while back. Remember that time when I said I asked my manager about the debit credit question? So, I suppose that was not a good thing. No, I don't suppose so, but now, I know so. I thought, by asking, then I can avoid any kind of mistakes because you see, this is real life problems with the firm's prestigous name on the line and this is not just for exam purposes. If it was for my financial accounting paper, trust me, I'd leave the questions alone but I can't do such things. Responsibility has been passed to me, I ought to the thing that I have been asked, properly. So, to ensure that I get it done, correctly, I asked. Yes, I do think that I asked stupid questions sometimes but I have learned to certain extent, you'd rather look stupid than to make mistakes, that might not or cannot be amended later.

Sounds like I am angry, or maybe not satisfied, perhaps I am but I know my own capabilities. I know that I don't know much. I know and that's why I am there with the post of a Vacation Trainee, not an Associate. I am there to learn and develop skills. Like I said, manage your expectations. AND, how do you know I'm not willing to learn? Big part of the reason why I wanted to venture into auditing was to actually learn. To learn and adapt but to learn with the audit firm, takes a lot of time and the seniors are always busy. For you to gather up your courage and ask them a simple question, might actually interupt them. Then, instead of being the eager VT that wants to learn, you are becoming this annoying VT that wants to know everything. So, any other way that you are in, you're caught. Told ya, it will memakan diri sendiri right? As it is, I am already 'segan' with my previous manager because she's so smart. Really smart. Aihhh. Overall, this internship experience has taught me one thing. "Why did you study for exam purposes Jasmin Anis binti Noor Allam?"

So, if you're reading this, my fellow juniors, don't ask stupid questions or act blur, or dumb. Just act like you know, BE SERIOUS and adapt. As for me, for the first two months, I had to adapt to the surroundings that pratically ignored my presence there. Like I said, they speak Chinese and I stood there, like a stool. Safe and unsound, for about 2 months, yes but what did I get in return, precious experience. I think it's with them that I learned a lot, quite a lot. I guess, you just have to adapt.

Anyway, what I am trying to say in this post is, for the questions that I asked resulted a poor review on my technical knowledge but I do think I deserve it, parts of it. Haha. Whatever, let's wait for another review from another senior. Then, we'll take that one and give it to the lecturer tmoro. Haha :P

Ps : Serious font, for serious matter.

Getting it right.

2011-05-15T23:38:00.001+08:00

There was this one time, when I wanted something so badly. I really wanted it, I kept thinking about it and I know my life would be incomplete without me having it. So I kept it inside, I prayed slowly, asking God for clues and found it. I was going miserable thinking about it, and I think God knows how miserable I was then, that He gave it to me on the spot. How badly I wanted it, was beyond my personal understanding. I don't know why but I knew I wanted it and when I actually found it, then I understood the reason behind it.

Now, I wonder why were things so hard between us? Is God testing me to see how badly I wanted 'it', or just to tell me that things are not meant to be? I reckon its the latter one. I mean, I used to think that its the former one but now, I guess, it's the latter one. I have got to get my feet firmly on the ground. *slowly bringing it down to earth. Yea, it's on earth now*

What I'm trying to say is, when I want something, usually I will get it when I want it with passion but i sincerely thought I was passionated enough, no? Haha now I'm just a confused kid. Its gonna be that time of the month now, so yeah, all sorts of questions are popping up. Friends graduating, friends getting married, friends having kids (okay, not yet but if you're married, it's gotta be soon right?). Probably I'm just overwhelmed with the current events in life.

Written in the stars.

2011-05-11T12:20:00.000+08:00

Today, I am having dinner with Puteri.
Tomorrow, I might be going to the weekly SIFE meeting.
On Friday, I am going to the office for this year's assessment by the lecturer.
On Saturday, I am sleeping over at Upper East to help out with Eva's 5th birthday party.
On Sunday, I am going to Eva's 5th birthday party.

Everything is quite planned out, but they are all short term plans.
What are my long term plans?
That's beyond my control but mom keeps on reminding me that everything is written.
Sometimes, I think I don't have to make any decisions then, because it's written right?
Weird.

Short & sweet.

2011-05-11T12:01:00.001+08:00

It's a ~~lovely~~ heaty Tuesday morning. Waking up with your hair wet from your own sweat is never a good way to wake up. Usually I would dread going out of the bed but this morning, the thought of the cool & breezy aircond at the office made me jump out of the bed. The horrendous weather lately might be a way for the mothernature to tell us something perhaps? Something horrible? Maybe, who knows.

Ps : Short post to test out the new layout :)

It's an invisible button but you managed to find it.

2011-05-06T12:08:00.000+08:00

This week has not been the best week. It's one of those week that is just draggy and you can't wait to finish it up but for it to end, the days need to end first. Luckily it was a public holiday on Monday, thus, the other days went by so quickly. Still, I don't like this week. It's either I was just worried sick about something, or I was just too sleepy to work, or I just don't feel like waking up in the morning, or I was late for work, or I don't like the job given, or I was just brushed off by someone that has changed lately. I know, many or(s) there. I don't mean to complain but I know I am.

Going in into the 5th month of internship, things are bound to change, bound to happen I guess. Being exposed to the things you have never seen or been through, maybe. I don't think I've changed into something worse. I'm not talking about me. Nevermind, but whatever it is, I was offended. That's all. You've seen the world, but you haven't been through it yet. Not just yet.

I went back home last weekend since it was quite a long weekend. I reached Alor Star at about 4.45am, and my Dad came and picked me up. In the car, he asked, "So, berapa lama lagi keje?" and I answered, "Dua bulan lagi," and he said "Lamanya lagiiiiiiiiiiii......." This is like the 100th time that he asked ('____') and my answer will always roughly be the same. I've got two (2) more months to go, YEY ME! But nah, it's not that bad actually. At least, I wake up every morning with a strong valid reason ;P

To you its just a house, to me its home.

2011-04-18T22:28:00.002+08:00

Second post of the night. Wohoo. Do I have anything important to say? No, but can I just write freely? Yes. Thank you. This blog has never let me down. Hehe.

So, what do I have in mind? Nothing. I am in Bangi tonight, I went to check on the new house. Mom wants me to make sure that it is "danger-free" when the tenant comes in next month. It breaks my heart a little that someone else will get to live inside the house first but its just not practical for my parents to be moving now and none of us wants to live it in, not just yet. To leave my house in Kedah is another matter, my heart will be shattered into millions, gazzillions and trillions of pieces. I grew up there. I grew up there. Alright, I just wanted to stress that out, I grew up there. Growing up, explaining to people where I was from was almost a problem. My parents came from different states. My dad was born in Kedah but he grew up in Penang while my mom was born and bred in Johor. I was born in Kuantan and then we moved to Kedah when I was three years old. I speak Malay with normal KL slang when I am at home because my mom banned us from speaking in Kedah slang when we are at home. Thus, we can only speak bahasa Kedah when we are with our friends. So, now, when anyone asks me where am I from? What should I answer? I am almost 22. Haha but this question, it is never an easy one. To explain the whole thing is quite troublesome, but if I say I am from Kedah but I don't talk with the slang, then it's like I am 'belagak' or something like that. I don't know. To explain about my cousins would be another set of different stories lah. Haha.

It's not a serious matter, but its a small matter that can be very confusing. I will miss the house that I've been calling home for the past 19 years, when I leave it behind. I miss it more now, as I am typing it. Mom is missing me, I can tell you that. She missed me a lot. I miss you too, Mummy.

Ahh, the house in Kedah means a lot. A lot.

Click it like you mean it.

2011-04-18T22:08:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I click a link without thinking, like I just did. I clicked the 'Open all' link from the history and all the recent links popped up. I am so used to that. I do things without thinking. Sometimes with just a mere thought, sometimes with too much thoughts of it, and most of the times, without none of it. Perhaps, I am immune to it. It, being anything available at the moment. Random, I know. Lately, time has been moving so slowly. If you ask me three months back, every thing happened in a blink of an eye but now, it seems like God wants me to enjoy every moment of every single thing. He wants me to breathe the air with passion and let it go, freely. I am, taking every moment into consideration, but of course, most of time, without thinking. I just think about the moment, the fun I can suck out of it but seldom about the consequences. When I lay things on the invisible ground I created, I can see all the things I don't want in life clearly, but I can hardly see the things that I want in life anymore. ~~I am a girl with so many dreams and wants in life,~~ I used to be a girl with so many wants and dreams in life but now, I feel like all the dreams and wants are hanging on a cliff and I am ready to let it go at any second now. Give me a pen and a piece of paper, let me list down all my needs and wants in life but, I will just write it down for the sake of writing it down and not because I really want them. Anymore. Three months back, I will give you a definite plan when I am down with my Degree. Leave everything behind, go to US, take a bus to Nashville, go see Taylor Swift's management and ask for any kind of vacancy on her tour ( I swear this was a definite plan), work with Starbucks, let loose for a month or two, make myself happy even if that means I have to use all my savings. That was the plan but now, the plan needs to be reconstructed and I need to figure things out. God, this sounds so serious. I know. Probably because the environment that I am in right now. Right now. Maybe ( I hope so ) when I leave all of this serious environment, I will be in my jolly mindset again.

But, oh come on, nothing is so serious now. I am easily amazed with life. Just that right now, I have no definite plan to fall back on to. Everything and everyone is moving forward. I don't wanna be kept in the past, even if I am. I am slowly catching up and I am slowly bringing the past forward, to the future. I will.

Ps : I am going to Justin Bieber this Thursday. How serious can I be?

5.30pm, off we go.

2011-04-13T20:42:00.000+08:00

I guess I do make it pretty clear that I like/want/will go back at 5.45pm or 6 plus-ish. It's not that I have made any kind of statement but I think it's quite clear that I intend to go back at the normal intern/VT time. Its not about the amount of pay that I get, I can claim for overtime, but I've never done it before. I've got only one reason behind it. I will stay back and work for real, when the time comes, provided that I join them in the future. Truth is, I like what I'm doing minus the dead lines. I like it because it is truly what I am learning in my university life. It's like I took my book and translate them into the working paper. It's the same thing and I feel worth it. Worth for all the learning that I did, even if I don't remember them (most of it). So, if any of my seniors are reading this ( I really hope not), this is why I am keen on going back early, on time. I will try to finish everything that you guys give, all the tasks and all the work between 8.30am to 5.50pm (max, or more, I am quite flexible. Hehe). I wouldn't mind staying longer if I am a permanent worker. When the time comes, I will work just as hard.

But, if you guys are wondering, I've gone back at 8.30pm. That was the longest I've stayed la because the next day, I took a 2 day leave for Ms Swifty :) Hehe. But yeah, I am flexible but given a choice, I choose my social life because right now, I still have a choice. That's why.

Different set of people gives me different views in life.

2011-04-02T12:15:00.000+08:00

I couldn't sleep properly last night, thinking about what time should I wake up. Should I wake up at 7am or perhaps, 11am? ~~Sleeping,~~ thinking and worrying all at the same time. Why did I even sleep in the first place? Oh yeah, I have been so tired this week. I am trying to see how it is if I was working and trying to have a social life at the same time. Pfttt. During the week, I carpooled with Aqilah Ratna, Nazreen and Sharifah for 3 days, which was very entertaining as always. We rant and vent in the car about work most of the time, how everyone is still shivering when they talk to their superiors. I found some funny things while I was being 'passed' to another department this week. I am as nervous as hell when I talk to my manager, then I never thought that I'd seen her as nervous as I am when she talks to her boss. Haha. It's like, finally, we were going through the same thing yeaaa... Haha.

Then, on Wednesday night, we ( Me, Intan, Aloyah, Erks and his classmates ) went out all the way to SS2 Kelana Jaya just to eat durian. Boy, I've never seen that kind of dedication. Haha. I mean, the boy can really eat his durian eh. Terror ah.

And my parents came in the middle of the week because my uncle was admitted on Wednesday night. I hope he gets better soon. We are all praying for you, Pak Kar.

Anyway, I better take a shower now. The little sister wants sushi and I have to take her out for it. Toodles guys!

"Managing expectation"

2011-03-24T09:33:00.000+08:00

Quoted from my green midget friend, Lyzer. There's so much meaning to that simple 2-word phrase. Are you managing people's expectation towards you or the other way around? One thing for sure, right now, my senior needs to expect less from me. So, dear senior, please manage your expectation towards me. Haha. God, I am blur, or I have been blur since I got in here and I thought by learning more and more each day, my knowledge would accumulate itself and be more enhanced. Boy, I am wrong. Somehow, the knowledge remained static but my nervousness keeps on accumulating.

oh crap. shes here. bye! hahahaha

No way out.

2011-03-19T14:47:00.000+08:00

48 hours or less, that's what I needed to recharge myself, to gain some kind of sanity and to just breathe. Coming back home used to be so different. I long for the days, when I come back home, my room still feels like my room. Everything that used to be mine, is still intact to the place that I placed them and my bed, would still be a double bed. Everything is not the way that it used to be. My bed transformed itself into a single bed. My cupboard automatically found itself a twin. My dressing table is now, Mom's dressing table. I am not complaining. I knew at some point, the room will no longer be mine. It is mine, but more like a store for me. But nonetheless, this house is still a home for me. I'd still drop everything to just be here. I literally did. I asked for a leave at the beginning of the week and left, at the end of it. I came back home.

But I realised Mom is much more relaxed now. Gone were the days where we would have to clean the house day and night and still, the house would be messy "___" My girlfriends are not around. I guess because I came back during the odd days but one friend is here. He's always here :) Glad that he is and somehow, seeing him here gave me the much assurance that I needed, that I am truly home.

Why am I making such a big deal about coming home? I've been moving from point A to point B to point C. At some point, I need my stability. Truly, being in Shah Alam is when I feel closest to home actually, because I've got my stuff there. I don't think it's about being materialistic, it's about having some ground to call your own. My car is filled with my stuff, and it seems like it's half a home in there. Being in Shah Alam feels like a norm for me but its quite a distance from my family. Hence, I will always crawl my way back to Ampang.

Doing my internship teaches me a lot of things. Heck, a whole lot of things. I got a glimpse of the real world and makes me realise how much I miss going to class. Waking up in the morning, getting ready to go to class, fighting for a parking space, buying breakfast and of course, meeting my friends and oh yes, the most important thing is, of course, listening to the lectures, even though I hardly do. Haha. I truly miss all of that. I miss the free time I have, I miss the free time I had to just blog and tell the whole world what's happening to me.

And by me writing this, I think I am showing my appreciation towards the little things that this experience has thought me. My dad asked me how many more months to go and he kept asking me everytime that I see him. Haha. This time, I answered, 3 more months to go and he said 'Eh lama lagi'. Yes, lama lagi.

As at 17th March.

2011-03-17T20:06:00.000+08:00

1. I am going back to Kedah, within minutes.

2. They are reciting the Yaasin right now, to thank God for the recovery of my aunt. Alhamdlulillah. (Urm, I'm a girl, so.....)

3. I haven't been going back since January.

4. I've been waking up at 7.30am every morning. That's late. Really late.

5. Stumbled upon Puteri while crossing the small road on my way back to the office :) What a coincidence!

6. Elisha is in India, Deanna is in the States and I will be going back to Kedah soon. Seems like everyone is at their right places right ? :P

7. I don't enjoy work. I just don't feel like going to work lately. Never felt that way when I was with the previous team.

8. Elan is getting naughtier by the minute and yet, getting more and more adorable by the second.

9. First thing I'm gonna swallow when I reach home is Nasik Yasmeen.

10. Someone asked me a simple question " Why don't I read the Harry Potter book collection?" I can't find the right answer. Why eh? Simply because, I don't understand it. I really don't. I am not a wizard. I prefer having to read literature stuffs rather than wizard stuffs.

11. Or maybe, I prefer to interpret lyrics rather than interpret a spell. Hehe.

That should be it for today. I actually miss blogging. Eh wait,

12. Zakian texted me today, telling me how stressed he is but because he knows that I've been there, done that, he knows that I get it. 24 credit hours for one semester. By the end of the week, you're not breathing anymore. You want to but you can't but hang in there, buddy :) I did fine, we all did fine and so will you!

At the end of the day....

2011-03-13T15:41:00.000+08:00

I've been hearing lots of things lately. I've been listening to lots of tales lately. I hear them, I listen to them. I absorb, I swallow, I let go. They enter the right side of my ears and they leave the left side of my ear, subsequently, without having to be told or anything. I listen to orders but I leave out insignificant details.

I don't know whether it's just me or what, but as I grow older, the things that used to be fun when you were a kid, doesn't interest you that much anymore. You observe people, you take care of the ones that you love, you change your priorities, you get rid of bad people in your life and you keep the good ones. Petty things will just be petty things, left at the door when you enter the house.

I still do not have the slightest idea of what I really want in life but I do know what I don't want. I don't want to live a miserable life. At the end of the day, you can't please so many people, if you, yourself is not happy and pleased with yourself.

Ps : Arsenal lost last night, against Man U. I don't really fancy football but I care about Arsenal especially about the guy who is wearing the #14 jersey. He's got the smile of an angel. I don't want him to lose that smile but oh well, when you're up against Man U, it's better to let them win because if not, the fans will go crazy. HAHAH

Stop frowning.

2011-03-12T22:33:00.000+08:00

I browsed through this dusty blog of mine, I realised that I have nothing interesting to update about. Then, I paused for a while and took some time to think. 2010 was really exciting and to compare it to 2011, this year is really dull. I try not to make it dull but I guess, there's nothing really adventurous has happened.

I wake up around 6.45am, get ready for work, by 7.40am, I'll leave the house, reach the office by 8.30am, work will start right away, lunch is around 12.30pm, in between these hours, I'll look for a plan for dinner, deciding on whether I want to go back to Shah Alam or not, then by 6pm, I'll leave the office if there's nothing else to do, or I'll stay a bit longer if I have things to do. I'll have dinner with my friends, my cousins, my family and I'll watch a movie or the tv and get ready for bed.

That's the routine everyday and no, I don't see anything exciting or interesting there but things do become exciting if the people you encounter in between is exciting enough. Lunch is alright. I try to make dinner more interesting but when you're tired, then nothing is actually.

Before, I was excited as hell to go see Taylor Swift, then it happened and it happened so quickly. And now, I am not that excited to go see Bieber because it'll just be like Taylor Swift's concert. It went by like a breeze. I need to do something exciting so just I can write about it. Haha.

But oh well, my life is not that bad. Just not as emotional as before. That should be a good thing I guess rather than talking about the same old topic around the same old boy but wait, I still do that. HAHAHAHA. But more like for fun :D

Ahhh, life is good. Life is alright. Don't fret.

We are all trying to grab the title of......... "Super VT"

2011-03-10T23:27:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is the 11th of March and if I can still remember precisely, I started going to the client's office two months ago. The night before I went in, I could hardly sleep. It was supposed to be the first day of my career, ever. I did not know what to expect but still, I ventured into the field with an open heart and mind. I remembered calling my manager, asking her where to park the car and whom should I go see. I came in, looking blur as ever, I passed a document that I brought from the office to another senior and my work started. I learned how to operate the photostate machine properly. I had to remember a password to do so. Then, I had to make a copy of a bundle of files, which in total was almost as thick as 3 Oxford dictionaries. The client looked at me like as if I was one of the auditor. They were perhaps.....impressed. I wasn't. Little that they know, I was the auditor's....little.....helper... Haha. Two months later, I still am and glad to be :) Anyway, when it was already lunch time, one of the junior auditor came to me and asked to stop and join them for lunch and at that moment, I kept thinking to myself, "Wow, they really take care of their interns," Well, they take care of each other. They make sure everyone eats their lunch. We walked outside and since then, we've been crossing the road together in order to get to the other side to have lunch. I eat my Malay food, they eat their Chinese food. I don't sound racist here, I am telling the fact, but we eat at the same table. They talk, I listen. Sometimes they ask me a question, I replied with an answer or two. Day in and day out, it was just the same, casually but in terms of my experience professionally, I learned a lot. I can now use Microsoft Excel, excellently, though they will disagree, my friends will agree. Haha. My friends know how much I hate handling papers, and that's the reason why I messed up on my first day. I messed up pretty bad but luckily, one of the junior auditor came to the rescue. Of course, I did stupid things along the way. I did many stupid things indeed. There was this one time, I asked my seniors about some simple debit and credit matter. It was so simple, that she had trouble trying to simplify a simple matter. I asked frankly, and she answered nicely, but of course, they made fun of it later by saying "It's interesting right since she taught you the debit and credit part of it" Ha ha ha. In order for you to get the documents, of course you have to talk to the clients. I hate that part. You have to play nice and smile all the way AND you have to know what you are talking about. I failed miserably at this. I became all sweaty in all the wrong areas. I mumbled slowly, but you have to do what you have to do. One time, the senior wanted me to be a spy for a certain bank. Suddenly, when I knew I had to call the bank to get the confirmation, I started to sweat drastically and my ears became hot. I wanted to run since there was the Director in the room, together with a senior and my manager. I dialed the number slowly and they started laughing and listening to me curiously. I was shy but it went okay, I guess because I got what I wanted. Of course they found many other ways to bully me, but I honestly do it sincerely because I know I have to learn and I don't see any other easy way to do so. I don't love the job but at least, I like it and I admire them in so many different ways. We think they don't have a life but hey, if that is their definition of life, who are we to say anything? I admire the fact that they are so clever. I suppose it comes with experience and time. Where else can you learn to act calmly when the original document got eaten by the feeder? Where else can you learn how to tally up the figure to the cents? I actually like it when there's a lot of work. My brain functions efficiently, without having to go through the heart. Hence, there's no conflict. Hehe. My other friends who are working at the same place get to go to different clients frequently. I've been attached to the same one since I enrolled in. Only there was this one time where they gave me away on loan to another company, but that was only for a day and a day only. Other that that, I've been with the same team for the past 2 months. I learned a lot from them and I will forever be grateful to them for being so patient with my never ending stupid questions, slowness and blurness. Hopefully, when I move on to another senior, I can show them that I am a Super VT! Hahaha

PS : Now that I am writing this, I realised that I don't have any picture with them :( I've got one more day to ask them tomorrow, but I am too shy....

"Thick as thieves"

2011-02-17T15:28:00.000+08:00

Location : One Sentral, Level 9.

Position : Sitting down on a spinning chair while staring into the screen and typing as fast as I can.

What have I done all day long? I helped my manager to prepare some accounts and I learned how to print, efficiently. Minor thing, yes but if you know me very well, you would know that as much as I love the computer, I hate it just as much. I loathe Excel but now, since I am slowly mastering it, I began to actually like it. Lunch was exciting today, since I went out with a bunch of people I know. One classmate, one person I met in the shuttle on my way to the building, one girl I knew from my brother and a few seniors from Uitm. I can understand what they talked about. That's important.

My days and nights are all over the place right now. I can be in Shah Alam for a minute then, I might be in Ampang the next minute. It's not about whether I want to go to those places so much, but more of a responbility. I can stay in Shah Alam, but I'll be alone most of the time. If I were to stay in Ampang for long, I don't really have a room to call my own and all my things are not there. Shah Alam feels like home. It's the closest thing that I have right now.

Sleeping has been never been a problem but lately, I can't just sleep whenever I want. I can't. That's sad and devastating. I want my sleep back. I want to put my head and rest in ease.

Wishlist#24 ;

2011-02-15T02:36:00.001+08:00

It should have been like this.

~~Wishlist #24 ; Go see Taylor Alison Swift live in concert, anywhere in the whole wide world.~~
Check.

She was awesome. She's got lots of pimples on her forehead. She sings better now and even better than in her album. She is tall. I mean, tall. She cannot dance. She is an entertainer. She let us down by going back straight to her hotel and left us waiting there in mad crowds. She didn't sing her old songs. She didn't sing Last Kiss ( my favourite song ). She is the best.

I would like to see her again someday, in concert again.

December, thank you for everything.

2010-12-30T02:30:00.002+08:00

Puteri's 21st birthday :)

Barbecue, just because :D

Christmas in Singapore :P

The month of December; The month of doing nothing :)

All kinds of thinking were kept to its minimum,

all kinds of entertainment were stretched to its maximum.

I had a blast this holiday, regardless of everything.

I am thankful for it, Alhamdulillah.

December. The month that I did nothing but lazed around town.

2010-12-28T19:48:00.001+08:00

It's dark in here but I feel the sudden urge to write things here. Twitter can only swallow 140 characters and sometimes, we need more than that, you know. Right now, I need a pen and a paper or perhaps, a keyboard. I got the latter one. I'm good. 2010 is coming to an end. I don't know what about others but I close down my years with a big curtain. A good year should be remembered just the way that it is. A few good trips to the hospitals, never ending hang outs with good friends and family, great lessons and experiences here and there, flew around the globe to get a first hand experience on amazing things, rekindled some friendships and whatever kinds of ships, fell out of love ( I think and I hope so) and managed to stand n your own without the presence of your parents for a month.

I remember the years in my life with events, the ones that I've captured in my mind, the ones that I have engraved in my heart. I'm not a computer, I forget a lot of things but those things that touched you shall always be apart of you. I'm no angel like someone has said to me, sarcastically. I do sins and I pray for forgiveness from Allah. I have flaws and every year, or just every day I learn to improvise them. I am far from perfect. I can't walk on water. I don't float around on air.

2011 will be just another 365 days for me to look forward to. There will a new journey that I'll embark on the very first month. I have no idea how it'll be like but I will try my best to do it, gracefully. I shall complain but perhaps, I will understand the real world better.

Enough of rambling, pictures will be posted soon to show how my December looked like :)

Grey.

2010-12-28T19:35:00.000+08:00

Calm as you always are, you stood there coyly, in blue.
I sat there watching you, reading every line that I could.
I couldn't.
It was as easy as that.
I painted the holidays with every colour I could find.
But, I refused to paint it grey.
I can't interpret that vague little ordinary colour.
Perhaps, or just perhaps, I am tired of interpreting it.

Like a firework show.

2010-12-16T01:54:00.001+08:00

I've written many posts that once I'm done with them, I'll just hit the "Save" button because I feel like I'm telling a story that is not important, that doesn't bring any meaning to anyone, even none to yours truly. So, sometimes, even when I've written more than half a page, I'll just delete them. All I needed was an outlet to let them out, if anyone reads it, that's a different matter. Just an outlet to speak up.

I am left with 17 more days before my holidays end. Should I be worried? I guess so, but I am focusing on making the best of the last few days of this amazing year, 2010. When I say amazing, I mean amazing. Great stuffs happening at the beginning of it, in the middle of it, and now, we're reaching the end of it and I'd say, things that I didn't expect to happen, did happen. I don't wanna start emphasizing on what great stuff, but take it as I wrote it. Great stuff indeed :) No, I am not getting married. No, I didn't get a 4 flat. No, I didn't get an Audi.

So, guys, enjoy your last bits of 2010. I managed to turn it around and had fun this year. How about you?

It flutters around.

2010-12-13T02:50:00.000+08:00

It flutters around and kept making the sound, that sounded like nothing.

Those butterfly flew around freely, some in a garden, some in a building

and some flew frantically in someone's stomach.

I saw a white butterfly with black little spots,

I caught it with my bare hands,

and I swallowed it.

So, now I have a butterfly in my stomach.

Does it flutter around in there?

I guess so and if only I have the guts to kill them, I will do so but sadly, no.

I love 'em butterfly.

#oldstuff 1

2010-12-10T23:43:00.000+08:00

Put your feet on the ground and lift up your head high.

Keep your eyes straight and fix it right to the sky.

Forget your past and move on with your future.

Live it up to the greatest moment in your present.

Leave the past that gave you heartaches,

Leave the past that made you cried,

Leave the past that brought you down,

Leave the past that made you feel low,

Leave the past that ate you up inside and left you only sore bones,

Leave the past that made you felt a loser,

Leave the past that made you go haywire,

Leave the past that made you lost your appetite,

Leave the

March 6th, 2009. I can't even finish the sentence back then.

I feel like I owe this blog a few posts. I can't write anything now, so I think I'm gonna start posting things that has been in my laptop for a while.

Batu.

2010-11-28T01:42:00.000+08:00

Had a bucket full of rocks, I throw it all away.
Before I did, I browsed through it one by one.
Found one that I really liked, I kept it.
Carried it around everywhere in my pocket.
One day, I found a hole in my pocket.
The rock was gone.
The rock was gone.
The rock was gone.
If only I can find the same rock again.
I would kept it in another pocket.

Now, too many rocks in one paragraph.
They sound weird when you repeat it again and again,
but then, all word turns out weird when you repeat them again and again.

Thankful.

2010-11-28T01:35:00.000+08:00

It's 1.28am with the sound of the fan accompanying me through out the whole night, along with Yuna singing 'Decorate' in my ears. It's been quite a day for me and quite a night. Here in Alostar, the night time comes at around 7.30pm or so, and up till the next morning, it'll be dark. My night was alright until around 9.30pm. It didn't need much words, just maybe one punchy line or so and the deed was done. Getting tired of it, its getting pretty old.

I keep reminding myself, be thankful, be thankful, be thankful. God knows, how thankful I am, but maybe I don't show it enough but please do know, I am more than thankful to be born into this amazing world and I'll always be forever thankful for that. Just some times, when you think you've given everything, you know it'll never be enough OR maybe, I haven't given the best. I don't know. Like I said, its getting pretty old. I am getting old, day by day.

Just a dream..

2010-11-23T12:33:00.000+08:00

Everyday, my goal is to wake up early. As early as I possibly could but I know those are just goals and dreams because I slept at 4am last night. Not that I had much to do, but catching up with friends, listening to new songs, watch any new videos, and played some games of Facebook(THAT boring Facebook). I know this is how my holidays will be like, since I have no proper holidays plan to go somewhere. I can't really say I love it to be doing the same thing day in, day out but I'm not hating it either.

I woke up at around 11.13am (not saying this with a proud tone) and had one of the most amazing dream, after lots of very plain ones, this was the climax of it all. So, I payed with phone and looked for ways, not to get out of bed. I lingered around till it was 11.56am. God, that was how lazy and happy I am to just lay around doing nothing and now here I am, looking for ways to enhance my days and make it more productive. Bet mom has got some chores for me to do, some errands for me to run for her. Wish I could be in Shah Alam right now, attend the SIFE AGM meeting. I miss the people in Shah Alam, oh God. Ahhh, one can never be satisfied right? When I am in Shah Alam, I crave of being here at home, but now I am in Alor Star, I wanna be in Shah Alam, but when I was in..... nevermind...

I forgot to bring my swimming suit, hence, no swimming activity for me. I brought back my running shoes but that seems like a big task. Hmmmmmmm.

I better get my ass downstairs and start showing my face to Mom before she screams my name. Hihi. Those out there, who are sitting for their SPM, Goodluck girls & boys. You can do it!

I'd rather be a beast with a heart than a beauty with none.

2010-11-22T00:43:00.000+08:00

FIll me in with workload, I need my mind to be occupied rather than thinking about things that I am not supposed to think about.

2 nights in a row with thoughts that bug me like hell.

It changed my mood, it changed my perspective towards.... Life.

If this keep on going, this holidays would be nothing but fun.

Funny Readers.

2010-11-17T20:35:00.001+08:00

And so I have funny readers, like the sitcom Friends kinda funny. Okay maybe not THAT funny but funny enough to make me smile reading it, or maybe burst into a laughter. So I wrote a post on how I feel about leaving my student life, then I thought okay, I better stop now because it's getting kind of heavy. Then I typed the word WEDDING there and the rests of the words, VANISHED!

They couldn't care less to to comment on my feelings :( but they were so excited about the wedding and I think I'm gonna write a post on it but right now, at this particular moment, mom is cleaning up the kitchen and she's waiting for me to sweep the floors or something. So I don't want to interrupt my wedding moment with a mop or a broom. So, this is me saying good bye, stay tuned and Selamat Hari Raya Korban :)

Long Live!

2010-11-16T00:44:00.000+08:00

I let out a big sigh, the holiday has begun. I should be happy. I am. Don't get me wrong. I am happy but just not, deliriously happy. During the finals, all I can think about is, this is the second last time I'll be sitting for my finals. I should be happy about it, with the fact that I am leaving all the thick books behind, all the notes and all the assignments behind. Of course I am happy about that but the fact that when I am done enjoying myself with the holidays, I am up for a big challenge. I'll be working at a firm. That sounds so serious isn't it? I am scared, terrified and mostly sad that I am leaving the comfort zone of being a student. That is what I am afraid of. Everyone keeps on telling me, enjoy your student life. That's when you have all the fun and excitement. I am having fun. I really am. Life is sometimes added with stress but most of the times, I am just happy to go through it with the presence of my family and friends. I will miss that. Everyone keeps on reminding me about the real world as well. So, where are we living now? The fantasy world? Don't think so cause in my fantasy, my hair is straight! Haha.

I don't think about this all the time but the thoughts come and go. They popped up in my head and refused to leave me alone until I set a certain goal or target in life. I can set them but only time will tell with of course, God's willing. I am taking it one time at a time. I don't expect all the answers at one go. I guess, I just need to breathe in and out.

I miss you guys!

Alright, this is a heavy post. Ni baru pkir psal future in terms of career wise, I haven't started on the wedding part. Haha. God bless us all. Aminn.

Take me home, please.

2010-11-08T20:06:00.001+08:00

I've always had this little plans that I would like to be executed on the next day of my life. I plan things like this when I go for cold shower, for a swim, a drive to nowhere, and sometimes just anywhere, doing anything. So last night I planned things inside my little mind. I wanted to run errands, as many as possible. I needed to go to the bank, fill up the car petrol for the car, go to the post office, check out the US currency at the money changer, read at least 4 chapter of AIS, surf the internet A BIT and go hang out with my friends when the clock reaches 9.28pm. True enough, I did go to the ATM, I did fill up the car petrol, I did read one chapter of AIS and I basically surfed up the Internet the whole entire evening and of course, the crucial part of my day starts at 9.28pm. I want to go hang out with my friends. I need that after one chapter of AIS. Haha.

I still haven't learned my lesson from planning the day. All the plans will just go down the drain, or most likely, down the bed with me, in my dreams. I was planning to go swimming on Saturday evening but other plans sounded more amazing than swimming. Swimming was postponed till the next morning/afternoon and I did swim for like 4 rounds and then it started raining. Blame the rain. Not me.

Speaking of the rain, my hometown just went through a horrible event of flood. I never thought that my house will be part of it but apparently, the whole town was involved. Luckily the water didn't go inside my house but still, no one could get out of the house because the road was covered with nothing but water, up the ankle. I bet all of this is not a good thing but my sister said she enjoyed her first flood experience and it was exciting "_" Now I feel like going back home, just for the excitement of it but frankly, I am sad. Wish I'm home to help my mom clean up the house, maybe go around town (by boat, or rakit) to help those in need. People are always helping other people in other countries when they are in need but what about helping out our own community when they are REALLY in need? I wanna go back.

I really do.

And I hope and pray to god that there will be no second wave coming around or anything. Its too much for Alostar to handle but if God is really testing us, then probably He'll get us through isn't it?

He can't be in all 17 countries.

2010-11-04T08:36:00.003+08:00

I've been wanting to blog about it since it happened but I was so swamped with non important things that I forgot what I initially wanted to write. So, this morning, I was up first in this big house, which is so rare, due to my inability to wake up first daily. Haha. WAKE UP PEOPLE. Its already 8.20am.

So, what is the important thing that I really have to blog about? Everyone knows by now that I am a huge/large/biggest fan of One Tree Hill and to be more precise, I am a big fan of Julian and Brooke or Sophia Bush and Austin Nichols. I really am :) So the other day, we were all busy studying for our Corporate Governance paper on Tuesday evening. God knows how I dreaded the paper. The amount of effort you had to put in remembering all those procedures, oh God, we should be given the rights to bring that one text book in. It was so thick, it's just impossible to even remember anything. So, since we were so bored to death, Izrin and I had a little game that we played on Twitter. Izrin asked Lisa Surihani's for one good luck wish and lucky enough, her wish was granted. I wanted the same thing so I just retweeted it and wrote, 'Nak jugak. Exam yang sama!'. Too bad she didnt reply! Haha. We've met you know, Lisa. Anywayyyyy, Izrin said, go ask Fazura for the wish, and I was like, 'Nah. I'll go straight to Hilary Duff' and I did but a few moments later, her sister tweeted about how much fun they were having since it is Halloween Night and I thought, no way she was gonna reply that, she's drunk. Haha. I continued studying after that while slowly wishing that Lisa Surihani would reply. HAHAHA. After 5 hours, still no news from her.

I ignored the whole thing and continued studying and sleeping at the same time. When it is already night time, I was playing with my phone and saw Austin Nichols actively tweeting about some BP, the oil and gas company that he was against and some other stuff and I know how nice he is. Hehe. So I did tweet him saying that if he replied my tweets by wishing me Good Luck, I'll try my best to ace the exam (UHHUH) and I will fight against BP with him. I clicked the 'Send' button and continued reading endlessly. After like 2 minutes, my phone showed a Direct Message notification and lucky enough, it was from him. Him as in Austin Nichols, as in Julian Baker, as in Brooke's fiance and Sophia Bush's real boyfriend. He was so sweet before and now he is much much more sweeter. I have this new level of respect and love towards him. HAHA.

Here's the proof. My sister doesn't believe it. Hehe. Trust me, I can lie about anything and make it seem real but what's the point? HAHA :))

Ohh Austin Nichols, thank you for uplifting my spirit but let's get real, it is all words and not numbers. Not my most special areas but I did try and I will inform you on the results. I guess I was really touched because he took the time to write and send it through Direct Message. I mean, I am just a tiny percentage of people who tweeted him and I bet you guys will be saying, its Austin Nichols and he's no Brad Pitt. Haha. I don't care. Go watch One Tree Hill and tell me what do u think of him? Hehe. And as for the little game that we played, I called Izrin to inform her about it. So, Lisa Surihani WHO????? HAHAHAHAHA.

I want to believe that this is God's way of repaying me for missing HILARY DUFF, TAYLOR SWIFT AND SOPHIA BUSH !!!!!!

Goodbye October. You've been nothing but a blast!

2010-11-03T00:17:00.000+08:00

Hello people of the bloggerworld. I know its been a while since I last updated this little diary of mine. *blowing off all the dusts* The month of October went by so fast, I had to force myself to take a mental image of everything but now I am regretting it because I miss every single moment of it.

I went to the place that I've been longing to go again, each day of my entire life and so my wish was granted when I joined SIFE. A little organization in UITM that made such impacts in my life.

Anyway, I think I'm not gonna let words describe how was LA, but I am gonna let one picture of the scene I had in my mind to describe it. This is how I see LA, and this is how I wanna remember it. Nice and pretty.

The month of October was beyond amazing. I had an awesome birthday. My cousin, Fiza did a great job on writing it on her blog. Check out her blog if you wanna see it :)

Its November now, so you know its STRESSED UP time, where finals are the biggest hurdle of all time.

Truth is, I don't know how to start writing again, for now. Life's been good to me that I don't have anything to complain about :DD

Re-living-it-again

2010-10-02T03:03:00.000+08:00

"Things happen for a reason"

That's the line that I plant in my head to keep me going and thank god, it helps but till what point does it help?

I don't feel like writing right now but everything has been going smoothly in life :)

I hope everyone is enjoying life right now, despite everyone seems to be having loads and loads of assignments and tests. Good luck for everything!

Raya is more than just an annual celebration.

2010-09-15T04:02:00.000+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya, I wish to all the Muslims readers out there.

Blessed, that's how I felt during the last day of Ramadhan and the early days of Syawal. Blessed with loving family members, blessed with great and lots of food, blessed with the amount of Duit Raya I've gotten, blessed with all the laughters and joy we had over a few days. No, we didn't celebrate it in Batu Pahat or even Penang. I celebrated my first day of Syawal in KL and glad to say that we did that because that way, we didn't have to endure the long hours in the car while going through heavy + massive traffics on the highway.

I see my cousins all the time, and as cliche as it may sound, meeting them during Raya is so much different. Everybody seems to be in a jolly happy mood and everyone will be talking, laughing and eating non stop. Probably because everyone is on a holiday, I reckon. We had a karaoke session last Raya, and this time we decided to catch a movie at the Cinema. The movie was so good, the HERO was just too good looking, I didn't want to leave him alone at the cinema. Haha.

All in all, I had an awesome Hari Raya and perhaps, certain things that I didn't expect to happen, happened anyway. It was good stuff coming from other people, but I am just not too sure that the stuff coming out from my side, was as good, or probably as sincere. I hope I was at that time. Took me 3 hours to pull up some guts and hit the green button. It's been too long. Too long.

Anyway, Selamat Hari Raya again everyone :)

2010-09-06T14:31:00.002+08:00

Happiness.

At one point of my life, I thought I could never achieve that. For me, it was an overrated word but only few could really tell what it was, or maybe just feel it and be content. I thought to be at that state, you need another person to complete the puzzle. That was my thought, mind you. Perhaps, 9 months back. I was under the pressure of needing the other half to make my life feel complete. Boy, I was wrong. Truth is, I can be happy on my own. I know I am much happier back then, but thing is, I am happy now, as well. I don't think of the things that could have been. No doubt, a year ago, life was exciting but it consumed a little too much of me. I carried my name all around town, but never did I live up to it. I had a body, without a soul. Now, I am a body, with too much soul. Hence, I learned that happiness is a word that only you, yourself can define with different meanings and definitions. Believe me, I was happy then but I am much happier now, on a different level of course. Just that I haven't made it to cloud 9. I hope some day I will because probably, that will be a much a higher degree of happiness.

A milestone.

2010-09-06T05:36:00.003+08:00

For the first time, I am accepting the fact that everything will change at some point. Be it for the better or vice versa. Sometimes, we can't change a thing, or an event but we can certainly change how we look at it, but I doubt that we can change how we feel about it. What I can tell you is, I am still the same person that I am when I was 19 years old, 10 years old or maybe 6 but how I view things or think may be different. Bear in mind, the values I hold remain static.

Tonight, I reached my limit and I think, I need to really be more appreciative and take time to absorb things slowly. I neglect some of the things, or persons I really care about and deep down, I am so guilty, its just too much too handle. If only, I had taken the time, just a minute or two to sit down and have a conversation with a dear friend, who was in pain, probably, I wouldn't be sitting here, spilling out my guilt in sentences. My heart would be at ease, knowing that I took a tiny portion of my daily hours to just create conversations, a meaningful one.

I learned something new today. I learned that I need to reciprocate more and I will. Pardon myself, I haven't reached 21 yet.

With sincerity, of course.

2010-09-05T13:34:00.003+08:00

Holiday season kicks in, AGAIN! We really need to count our blessings on the amount of holidays that we get each year, or even month. I know I am :)

But of course, along with the holidays, assignments will tag along, excessively.

And gatherings, be it family or friends. I love gatherings and all, don't get me wrong but having to go from one place to another, is sometimes, a hassle.

But this special time drops by only once a year in the calendar, so why not make the most out of it?

Apart from that, everything else just kinda falls into place, perfectly. I'm loving it, Alhamdulillah.

Anything else? Oh yeah, I dreamed of Hilary Duff last night. Haha.

And of course, Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan for the last few days :DD

What's with the face?

2010-08-27T00:11:00.002+08:00

I know you're saying/asking/mumbling things like "Why do I have to post this picture?" and my answer would be "He is so cute. Period. Its my blog anyway." HAHAHAHAHAH Now I feel like having whatever that he is sipping there. Oh man, you don't know how badly I wanna see you. So bad.

Lightnings don't strike the same place twice.

2010-08-26T20:50:00.003+08:00

I am looking at everything in a bigger picture with a wider scope. I don't know whether it is a good thing or not but because of this view in life, I tend to forget about the small things. Small by definition would be things that are not significant but its the small things in life that will make up for the big things in life, isn't it? I need to knock my head once, against the wall and get my feet back on the ground. Life has been floating itself towards the direction that I want but its pulling everything away from me. Literally. Literally speaking. I know its like I am speaking French to everyone right now. French, a language that I am supposed to at least, understand a bit but heck, I don't.

I am looking for signals, for hints, a couple of it maybe. Signals, for me to know that I will be fine one day. One fine day. I need things to fall into place because God, everything seems so good right now, the wheel might turn around one day and I don't wanna be at the bottom again.

4 and a half hours later, here I am.

2010-08-26T04:28:00.004+08:00

Oh hi there. Finally, I stumbled upon a map that led me here to my own blog. How long has it been? Long enough that I need to make a few shout-outs here.

1. Congratulations on your magical wedding, Hilary Duff & Mike Comrie. I know this is a tad too late but please do know that I feel like as if I was present at the wedding with constant tweet from fellow HilaryFans as well. I got tweets saying things like 'The wedding is now' Haha. Ooo, of course I was there at the wedding but I missed the cake ceremony :P Anyways, I can see how happy you are now that you're married, you said things like you can.....bicker? Oh wow, you have to get married to fight now? Haha. I love you, being single or married. Haha.

2. Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan. ?? I know, it's the 15th day of us fasting already but it's never too late is it to at least wish, or at least fast? Haha. This is my first time fasting and sahuring at home today :) Athirah wants Nasik Goreng Cili Padi for sahur. Yummeh! Anything that mom cooks will do :)

3. Since I am at home, no more Nestum for sahur, for breakfast, for lunch or supper for me !

4. I guess, busy is my middle name now. I don't know is it whether I don't know how to divide my time properly or what, but one minute I'm here and the next, I'm there doing something else. I am risking my second last semester of studying properly but I hope it's all worth every second of it. Keeping my fingers crossed :)

5. I still haven't gotten any placement for my internship next year, starting January and slowly, I am freaking out. Its already August and September is stepping in real soon. I need things to fall into its place. Soon. Real soon.

6. I am at home. I am happy.

Crime Offender.

2010-08-09T02:41:00.002+08:00

Waking up early everyday is not an easy task and yet, it is the task that has to be performed every single day, for the past one month of my life. I can't remember the last time I get to see the clock hits 12pm when I open my eyes. I would like those moment to reappear so that I know, my life is as normal as it has ever been. With hectic days and schedule, balancing out my studies and social life I can't entirely say that I am not enjoying it because I am. Suddenly, it hit me that this is my last semester before I venture into internship and we will all be busy as hell and we won't get to spend enough time with each other and sometimes I feel like I am pushing my family, cousins and friends ( Alostar Friends) for a while but please do know that I miss you guys so much. I look forward to every occasions or gatherings but time is never enough. How I wish there's at least 36 hours in a day and that we have a stop and resume button so that when we want to pause and take a deep breath, we can just do so. We can't and that's just too bad. So, what we have is now, and what I do have tomorrow is reading test for french and a quiz for my accounting subjects. Nice. Last weekend was nice as well. A getaway to Port Dickson with almost all Sifers :) Perhaps the place was nice, but it was the people around it that made it 'funner'.Our class BBQ was supers as well. I think I ate half a goat on that day. Haha. It was extremely delicious. Unfortunately, I didnt get involved in the camwhoring session which had a total of 700 pictures as the outcome. Haha. BBQ may seemed like a simple thing to do, a sleepover may seemed like nothing but we are running out of time now, and all we can do is grab every second of it and cousins, if you are reading this, especially Elisha and Deanna, I would love to meet up with you guys this weekend, provided that UITM has some sympathy for me :)

ps : Thank you everyone for the lovely days, that I've had since the past few months :)

Wake me up, when it is dark outside.

2010-07-31T04:09:00.003+08:00

Like it or not, it has been a month since the new semester has started and this is the first time that I've stayed up to finish up my assignment. Life has been a bit hectic but I prefer it this way. Today, my classes finished at 6.30pm but I was actually contented with the fact that I had class up till 6.30pm. Perhaps because it was such a relaxing class but still. The lecturer was so kind, she ordered tea for us from a caterer and we got long breaks in between and that was such a nice change, after a while. Then, I jumped in the car and started the ignition and wanted to go back to Ampang right away but clever me, picked the wrong route, at the wrong time. Basically, a journey that could have taken about only 1 hour, was stretched up to 2 hours plus. I guess I needed a wake up call, from the metropolitan city. It says "Wake up, and be awake!" I am awake now, wide awake. I am picking up the momentum now, sliding into the fast pace of life because if I don't do it now, no one will catch me later. And I am not even talking about my studies, I am just talking about general things. Sometimes, my brain is still intact but not my mind. Its not anywhere. It just floats around, waiting for me to call it back and plug it in, inside my brain, physically. Yes, I am being influenced by the concept of Inception.....NOT!

A note to yours truly.

2010-07-24T22:57:00.003+08:00

"I passed by the road that leads me to your house and once upon a time, my hands used to shake and shiver, my stomach felt like its gonna blow out and my heart, my heart was in my throat. I drove along that stretch of road again tonight and all that was gone. No shiver, no nothing. One thing that I know is, if I ever go forward, I move forward. I don't go backwards but sometimes I can make an exception but let me know if I need to make any. For now, I know I don't but who knows what will happen later in the future. A heart with no passion feels like an empty heart but they say a broken heart is a heart that has felt the intensity of love, perhaps. I can't always count on what 'they say'. I need to know what I say. I say there's no more you and I hope I am right, for now. I keep using the word for now because I don't control the future. If I were to be the one who is holding the controller, you and I would have always stayed together. I don't have to go through stupid drama. That, is if I had the controller. I don't. This feels like a letter to you. Oh well, I have so many letters that were never sent to you. Do you want to read it? Or will you ever read it? Read them? I have plenty of them. I can even number them according to numbers or simply according to title. I think you will not read them, or even read this. So I feel safe posting this. If ever I were to see you again, I don't know what to say to you but I feel like saying, "Do you care to read one letter? One love letter? It's long and each meaning will hit you right inside. Do you dare to read that one letter? It's just one letter. No harm." No, I can't be saying that right? I won't. No worries. I feel free yet I feel cooped up. I feel strained by the time line, yet I know I still have a long way to go. Thank you for making me feel this way. You were the one who commenced this feeling, I think you should take the opportunity to end it as well. Obviously, this thing should stop here before I start to talk about things I shouldn't. This is normal. I am here, at home. I see the surroundings around me, and nothing else is significant enough to stay permanently in my mind and maybe, my heart as well, but you. To see the bright things in life, I'd say you had enlightened me to see that there's more to life that I haven't seen :) "

Door.

2010-07-24T10:59:00.002+08:00

What do I really want in life? I don't know. It's as easy as that. I can tell you I want to live a happy healthy life but who doesn't want that? I can say that I want an easy life with not problems but what will I become when nothing is a challenge? Yesterday, I was walking towards the office to send my resume and at that time, I had already made up my mind on which company I would like to serve for but right at that moment, I passed by something that made me want to change my mind but I hold on to my decision. I don't want to think about the irony of it, because if I were to do it, then i have to revamp my life, because as it is, life is full of irony.

This internship thingy really makes me feel old. The future is uncertain. I don't like this.

Of lately.

2010-07-22T07:40:00.002+08:00

7.41am and here I am blogging like there's nothing better to do. Truth is, I miss blogging and those words that I had to say but time has not been my friend lately. So many things to do and last night, I had to brainstorm my brain trying to get ideas for my resume and that is tough. Resume. Resume. Resume. Its tough to find something to write about when you have nothing to talk about. Talk about getting old nowadays huh. Urghh

Exhaustion.

2010-07-18T19:32:00.002+08:00

Right after I touched down on KLIA, I made no reservations for any kind of rest. In my mind, I had all kinds of activity planned out. I reached KL on Monday, I went to class on Tuesday at 2pm. That night, I had dinner with Maisara and Wan. The next day, I had a full day. Classes started from 8.30am till 6pm and I ran to Damansara to pick up the kids and we headed straight to Bukit Jalil to meet the man of the night, USHER!!!!!!!!!!!! Then, we still managed to have supper at Murni. The next day, I wanted to go back to Shah Alam, but my cousin pursued me to stay back and watch Eclipse and all I could say about Eclipse is, Disappointing! The next day, I went to class again and on Saturday, we all had a surprise birthday party for my cousin and on Sunday, all Sifers had to go to PWTC. Oh yeah, in between those sequence of events, I had to squeeze in some time to go to Intekma up till 2am or more, to support my other Sifers team mates. On Monday, we had the National Sife Competition and I am excited as hell for that because its my first time and of course, I truly loved it. It brought out the UITM spirit in me ;D Anyway, WE WON! So, what the heck. We're just going to LA je. MUAHAHAHAHAHA.

Okay, so now, the conclusion of these all, I fainted last week due to exhaustion. I ignored my jet lag, I ignored everything. My cousin came to the rescue and of course, Mama dearest was so worried, she came down to KL as well. Love you so much Mama and of course, thank you to all yang angkat masa jatuh tu jugak. Haha.

Hangus.

2010-07-01T05:15:00.002+08:00

A bundle of words in my mind, a string of sentences and the only thing that I can type now is, 'Dinner hangus today and it is my fault and I am guilty for it'. I am too tired to talk and definitely too tired to think. I hope everything will fall into places when I come back. I hope. I really do.

Thank you, Govt.

2010-06-28T06:10:00.003+08:00

Everytime I reach those precious ages like 16 and 18, I will always have that something special that will make me remember those years, accurately. I don't think I count my blessings enough for those magical things in life. When I was 16 years old, I asked my mom for a birthday party. I wanted a special birthday party to commemorate my 16th birthday, just like how they do it in the MTV Sweet16. HAHA. That party will always be my favourite party among all the parties I've had. And when I hit 18, let's not go there. Let's just say, I've seen the ups and downs of life. I've seen the highs and lows of life. I thought I had the world at my finger tips, and only to find out that I did not own the world when I turned 19. And now, 21. You are legal when you are 21. You get to do a lot of things when you turned 21. But this year, one great lesson that I discovered a few days ago, is that, hell, I don't want to get married when I hit 21 years freaking old. You know how you always say, 'Eiii, kan senang klu kawen je, takyah pkir ape dah' DEAD WRONG! I mean, if you have a child or two laa. It is hard. So, now. I shall enjoy my life, my single life with all the pleasures in the world. Other than that, I had a bumpy flight coming out here and that's the first time I've ever encountered with such turbulance. It was so scary that I think I had my life flashed right in front of my eyes and I only see the sad part of it rather than the good happy part. I see myself hurting over the psat years and I don't like that. My life is not all about sappy feelings. I don't wanna look back and think that, oh when I was 19, I got my heart broken and yada yada yadaaaaa. I want to be able to look back and see the happy faces of the people I love and care about. I swear at that particular moment, I was scared to death and I prayed really hard and can only hope for the best. God loves me enough to let me enjoy this life, still but there's another flight going back home. I am scared now.

Along with the face, he's a smart ass.

2010-06-22T14:06:00.005+08:00

He posted that. He tu sapa lagi laaa, Ashton Kutcher laaa.

Climax!

2010-06-22T00:34:00.004+08:00

Holidays are meant for you to clear up your brain a bit, and make it breathe for a while after a few hectic months but they are also meant for you to think about certain think deeply and wisely. I think about nothing, about nonsense things, about my so called future, my present life and so on. I think a lot, when I'm busy and I think more when I'm free. My thoughts can run freely and of course, wildly. I mean, not that kind of wild. Wild, as in it go to the future, and it can 'gostan' and connect to the past. Haha.

I wish I can say a lot of things here but a blog remains a blog. Sighhh

Colour.

2010-06-21T14:18:00.002+08:00

To everyone its just a phase, to me its not. I know it's not a phase because I don't see any replacement.

I need more glue.

2010-06-21T14:01:00.003+08:00

The last time I went, I went there to search for myself. Search for that little pieces that was left and I was trying my best to attach it back but back then, even when the glue is right in front of my eyes, I can't see it. I couldn't see it, because I didn't want to. Now, not only can I see the glue, I can see the gluestick, UHU, gam gajah and glue gun. I'm all attached to myself and this time around, when I go, I'll look after some other people, or some other kids. And I will try my best to not lose the kids. Haha.

Random Frandom.

2010-06-18T13:23:00.003+08:00

Randomly writing. I like this holiday. This particular holiday. Randomly speaking. You are out of sight. Randomly thinking. I will be out of the country next Tuesday. Randomly. Given a choice to ever pick something that I truly want, I'd say I want a time machine. For now, I want a time machine to actually go forward because everyone says something will eventually happen in the future. Don't think now, think about the future later. Bring me to that 'eventually'. Bring me to that 'later'. Bring me there, take me there and I'll decide if ever I need to go further. Thing is, I am happy now. Happy as in, I am happy. Period. I don't need to explain why I am happy but frankly, I am and if you were to ask me, that maybe I can be more contented than I am now, I'd say yes. I can be much more happier than now, but I am happy now. I guess I can be happy by having certain things that I used to have but there must be a reason why things are the other way round isn't it? I am not here to clarify why I am happy but I guess by repeating the word 'I'm happy' indicates that I may not be happy as I think I am. HAHAHA. WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT?

Did you guys watch Killers? NOW THAT IS WHY I AM HAPPY!

Time Spent In KL

2010-06-16T14:49:00.003+08:00

How my holidays went along in KL,

for most of the part, I remember Lukas to be part of it, very much. In fact, I met him first when I reached KL. He went back to Cape Town already. I miss you, Utas Apim! This time in KL, it feels like a real school holiday. I spent each minute with my family and I did spare some time with my friends ;)

My Last Night.

2010-06-08T01:31:00.002+08:00

The clock striked 1am and I still don't feel like packing. To pack is one thing, but to pack for 3 occasions is exhausting, mentally. You have to figure out where everything is, the location of it, the reason on why you need/want to bring it, and to make sure that you don't leave anything behind. The fact that I am not ready to leave just yet, is not making things any easier. I spent almost 30 days, day in and day out doing nothing and truthfully, I don't regret any single minute of it. Everything was just laid back and nothing was in a rush.

We didn't really do any stupid thing this holiday. The most 'happening' thing we had done for this month is *drumroll* tengok wayang. That was it, and of course, the endless-almost-every-morning-trip-to-Kopitiam for breakfast. Oh, wait, the most 'happening' thing we did might be the hot air balloon but by the time we reached there, it was sooo pathetic. I woke up at 7am for nothing but sweats, sweats and more sweats but I met a lot of people there, so perhaps that's the good thing out of it?

But the most unforgettable event happened on Sunday night. HAHA. That will be something that I'll always treasure and miss ;) Ahhh, I better go and pack now, even though I don't feel like doing so.

If dreams come true at the very second you wished for them, then what's the point of even dreaming?

2010-06-06T01:09:00.004+08:00

June stepped in, very quickly and I didn't get a chance to greet it properly. So, hello June, please be good to me. May wasn't that friendly but I hope May didn't pass its negativity on to you, alright. You see, I had to go through those bloody hell finals, an operation, a cancelled trip to London, and I don't know what else but those are the major things I can remember. I can look at it as bad things, or I can look at it as things that forced me to grow maturely, physically, emotionally and mentally, as much as I don't like it. So, please hear me out June and be nice ;)

My girls, my baby sister and I went out to see Lagenda Budak Setan in Alostar Mall today. We bought tickets a day earlier ( Thank you, Maisara and Kak Nuha ) since we thought that the queue would be too long, since its a Saturday but surprisingly, we were the first person to buythose tickets. Oh, surprise surprise. Haha. I read the book, or should I say the dictionary of Ahadiat Akasyah, back when I was in Primary School. Maisara influenced me to read a Malay novel and I thank her for that, but heck, I remembered nothing when I was watching the movie. Frankly, trying to capture thousands of pages and fitting it in a 2 hour movie is kinda hard, don't you think? You can't emphasize on every detail and of course, the results shall never be as satisfying as reading the fiction novel, word by word, but indeed, it was worth a try. The actors and actresses can act but except for one, but much kudos should be given to Que Haidar. HE CAN REALLY ACT! But if anyone wants to watch the movie again, I don't mind following them, again. Haha.

I hope I didn't give too much away. I didn't tell any of the plots kan? So that should be fine. We are left with about 30days before classes start again and I really want to do beneficial things, like reading a book that I don't understand so that I have to flip through the dictionary to get the meaning, or maybe Google it or BING IT! Haha. I really want to because I've been reading love stories all this while and I don't see how it will improve my static love life and so, I think I should read on non-fiction story like, biography or something. You know, so that I can improve my life, without having to find another party to get involved in it. HAHAHAHA.

Or maybe, babysitting perhaps? That should be beneficial yeah? I think so. Hehe.

This should do it now, I gotta sleep early, I'm waking early to go for breakfast with the seniors tomorrow.

Ps : Some people can see it too, so I am not the only one seeing this empty vision.

ASSurance.

2010-06-03T01:31:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I just have to reassure myself that I am fine, when I know I am not. Reassuring is tough when you've got no support. This is by far, the most boring holiday I've ever had. Probably it's getting better soon. Soon, or more like in 2 weeks.