i should be studying!!!!!

the title says it all. i should be holding a book and reading it instead of checking out the internet.
i did study last night. half of the second chapter of law 240. law of contracts. it's not attractive and interesting enough i shall say. i was wondering is it worth it, me coming back like this over the weekend? i think not. personally for me, because if i were in melati right now, probably i would actually follow my studying plan but the fact that i'm home, made my mom happy, that is something else. very happy i think. she insisted that i go back at night , and not at 3.20pm so that i can accompany her while she's doing her work. she's happy im home, minus all the irritatingness. hahaha. oh well, pros and cons being at home. i am having another migraine but im getting used to it nowadays. petang je pening. uhhuh, mlm ok sket. boring la. i cant wait for the holidays! alrite, i think i better stop here before i talk crap, as usual. but u know what, all the HSM 3 songs are playing over and over again in my mind. i cant find the STOP button. ahaha. not only the melody, but the images of zac and vanessa are there as well. haha.

=)

a wonderful discovery

today is a thursday. it should have been like any other thursday. but somehow, it wasnt.
i woke up at 12 pm. haha. something that i have not done in a while. and i know i shouldnt be doing it, oftenly. anyway, as usual, i cleaned up the house and all . did not study until late at nite. what should i do with all the notes? how am i gonna memorize all? all? nonsense. all the crap. i dunno. but something happened today. he came all the way from penang to see me. something that he would not do unless , i dunno. i am surprised and overwhelmed. certain action he did really makes me wonder, yes, up until this second. stagnant. not moving. hmm, i duunooo. i'll figure it out later. more things to come like finals, muet and other things! adoiii.

GO WATCH HSM PEOPLE. ITS GOOD!

tell me something, why am i not feeling well today? i am in alorstar as im typing right now.

WHY? im sorry ok. it didnt go well because i did not plan it.

i did not know.
so , on my part, im not saying im innocent but i guess i was so caught up and i didnt think about the effects of it and how it affected others that are extremely close to me.

how i wish people could actually feel my heart and think using my brain with all the

knowledge i have.

how low i have always felt being around you guys, how insecure i am, how intimidated i am,

just being around you guys, you guys make me proud like hell but,

being with the other half, they make me feel comfortable.

certain things are undeniable.

i accept myself the way that i am but you guys are so jugdemental.

i know, i know, you guys are far from perfect but i'm not the judge here today

who's perfect and who's not.

very pretty , ohh yess.

very smart, yes yes yes.

attitude wise? hmmm, let me think.

i dunno. i;m just saying.

dun put me in a very guilty position.

thats wrong.

SORRY. my deepest sorry.

flick r.

nana, me, mysara, iye and alyah abdam, abg ina, abg nadia, abg yeen, abg alin, shahirah , me , ablia, abg zada and oli.

appreciate what u have.

and so, i said earlier, my birthday kinda sucked? i take that back. hehe.
let me re-blog what happened on my birthday.

i had this big marketing presentation that took us weeks to finish it. so unfortunately, on the eve of my birthday, we had to finish up everything. my group had to make sure that our report was ready and the slides were perfect before the next day, so i was up all night doing it, till 5am. when the clock hit 12 am, my friends in college, came and sang me a birthday song. that was awesome and we hugged and borak2 like usual. so , i was waiting for my close kedah friends to wish me. i know, i should not have waited, hahaha, but still, you cant help it. i waited , waited and waited but none of the 8 ppl, wished me. i mean, lots of ppl wished me, thank you, but i was waiting for those 8 ppl. my precious 8 friends. i had to do other stuff to take my mind off off it. luckily, puteri wished me at 1 o'clock. she was studying that night so, ok la kot. haha. i was cheking my phone all night long waiting for those msgs but no, none wished me. ok laaa, ni panjang sgt. emo sgt plak. ahhahaha.

later that afternoon, we were done with our presentation, phewwwww, it went smoothly and my friends asked me to pick a place so that we can eat and celebrate my birthday and qaila's birthday ( her birthday is tmoro, so happy advanced birthday qaila. hehe) so i picked secret recipe. it was super fun because, the presentation was remarked as our last assignment for the semester. thank god! i had my meal and my cake. sedap nye ! there were like 11 of us (me, qaila, lynn, hannah, alia, mariam, fafa, pah, oggy, sal, syaza) thanks guys for the treat! we went back to the college and mostly , everyone went back to their home for 'study leave' uhhhuhhh. our super short study leave. bosaaaaannn btol.

anyway, i was waiting for my brother to pick me up pulak after maghrib. he came at about 7.45pm and i thought we were going straight to ampang but he said, we're gonna make a quick stop at my cousin's place for her open hse. i was like , ' ok, but im not hungry. i ate just now' he was like , ' its ok. i need to get her drinks anyway, so kte kne la pegi' . so during the journey, i didnt really talk much because i was tired. he kept on insisting that i actually talk. haha. abdam abdam. as usual, he was saying about this girl la, that girl la. hahahaha. dgr je la kan. singgah giant la die nak bli air lg.

when we arrived, he was hesitating his moves. i know he knows where is my cousin's hse because he's been there like a gazzillion times and he was calling her for the address or something. i played along la , because i've never been to her hse. i went in and everything was quite dark but i managed to see my cousins. they posed like mannequins on the glass wall. hahaa. i wasnt shocked because, oh well, they are my crazy cousins and i know them well. they can do silly and stupid stuff. haha. so , i continued walking and to my surprise, i saw my friends there, in my cousin's apartment!! my close kedah friends! ok, i was shocked, surprised and puzzled. i was like, What the heck are they doing here??! i walked in and they sang happy birthday and there was a cake with 19 candles. hahahaha. then only, it hit me, that it was my surprise birthday party. haha. my brother was like ' terror tak abdam plan? ' i blew my candles and felt like crying. hahaha. i was speechless. everyone ran towards the food because they were so hungry. hahaha. and iye said it was all my brother's plan. hmmmm, never thought my brother is actually sweet. hahaha. he had planned this like a week ago. haha. i was really surprised. so, basically, i wasnt mad at my friends for long , hehe, they did make it up to me. ahahha. we hanged around, took lotsa pictures and they went back at around 10 plus. i went to mamak's with my cousins later. hahaha. hmmm, it was a really fun and a memorable night.

like what my brother said, its not everyday that i turned 19 right.
thank you abdam for knowing what i really wanted for my birthday. i wanted a birthday party. hehehe. i love u so much, well, we have been quite close kan since i moved to sh alam. haha. blessing in disguise i guess and i'm glad to have a brother like u.
thanks to all my friends and my cousins for making it happened last night.

i should be studying now, ctu's on wednesday and i have more chaps to go. but the book is not interesting laaa! how?????? haihhh, i'll post the pic later, since i still dun have any of it yet pon.
i really have to go and study now. haiiihhhhhh. toodles!

happy birthday hilary!

loner

happy birthday jasmin anis. i was so sad last nite because i had tonnes of work to do. i slept at 5 am to finish all my presentation. i waited for my close friends to wish me but uinfortunately, none wished me at 12 am. how sad is that. gosshhhh. sdeyh gle kot. my mom wished me and asked what is it that i wanted.i dunno. i feel weird today. damn it. lets hope tonite will be much happier with my cousins. aaaaaarrrrrrrghhhhhhh! i need a hug laaaaa, mama

just because.

i need a break just because
i need my mom just because
i need to sleep just because
but i cant find seem to say i need to study just because....hahaha
it doesnt work that way i guess.
my bday is coming this weekend.
i seriously dont have any plans except for going back to ampang.
my mom maybe coming this weekend.
maybe, depends.
i was hoping a certain someone would come and cheer me up this weekend.
lets hope that certain someone comes aight.


i know my some of my frens are reading this.
so i should clear some things up a bit.
hahahaha.
that certain someone is nothing more than a friend.
i dont have feelings for that certain someone.
i tried to search for that feeling but i cant .dr pu3 agrees * testified*
that certain someone is my bestfriend and when i talk to him i dont usually feel satisfied but
at least i feel like somewhere, in this world, there's someone that cares bout me in a way that is very weird.i know...
im not in the modd to talk rite now. so i'll blog later laaaa.
mysara, you'll get your updates later babe ok? hahahaha!

i miss home badly............

after a while.

1. Are you smiling?

not really. i dont have a good reason to smile right now.

2. Have you ever kissed anyone named Josh?

nope. i dont think so.

3. What is irritating you now?

the ignorance in everyone. its bugging me me like hell.

4. When did you last eat pizza?

last nite, we had a pizza feast. they ordered in 6 pizzas from dominos.

5. Have you ever been camping?

yeah. during my school years for girls scout and when i was in national service, it was called wirajaya. i miss those times so much.

6. Do you have any friends who are famous?

urm, yes. juretoo , u are famous arent u? hahaha.

7. Are you any good at poker?

nope.

8. What do you want?

i want to sleep, i want a holiday badly, i wanna go to a good concert, i want blackberry bold, i want a new sandal, i wanna eat ice cream, i wnna hug someone. and ohh, i really wanna see bulan actually.

9. Are you tired?

yes, mentally and physically.

10. Do you like anyone?

now? i dont think so. other than that mysterious guy, no. and i dont even no him . so , no. i dont like anyone at the moment.

11. Can you play the piano?

nope. i cant play any instrument.

12. Do you ever throw up?

yes. it doesnt feel good.

13. Do you pee in public?

nope. disgusting.

14. Do you enjoy piercings and tattoos?

nope.

15. Taco Bell or McDonald's?

mcdonalds , though i really wanna try taco bell.

16. Last thing you said??

ade ade.

17. What are you wearing?

a t shirt and a pair of jeans.

18. How many abercrombie shirts do you own?

urm a few. shirts and t shirts. my favourite t shirt back then was a red abercrombie tee. i miss that tee.

19. How many Myspace views do you have?

one.

20. Do you want to be a princess?

at times yes . but princesses can be very bossy and bitchy, so i dun like it.

21. Do you believe dreams come true?

yes. dreams do come true.

22. Last song you heard?

crush by david archuleta.

23. Do you like Batman?

oh yes! i wanna marry batman if behind the mask, he is christian bale! haha

24. Who is in the room with you?

4o other ppl. im in class.

25. What are you wearing on your feet?

ipanema sandals.

26. What is your favorite pair of shoes?

my white flats. it is so cute!

27. Who was the last person you told you loved them?

my mom.

28. What was the last thing you ate?

traditional muffin from the cafe. haha

29. What were you doing before this?

went to the 7th floor to pray.

30. What is the closest item near you that is black?

my cardigan.

31. Who instant messaged you last?

alya.

32. Who's house did you go to last?

mak long's last weekend.

33. What do you wear more, jeans or sweatpants?

jeans.

34. What is the last movie you watched?

KAMI, a bit dissapointing.

35. Why are you taking this survey?

because i'm bored and i dun feel like talking. would rather type than talk.

36. Do your friends ever tell you to stop taking surveys?

nope.

37. Ever been to QuizPox.com?

nope.

38. Where are your parents?

in alor star. at work i suppose.

39. Where did you get the pants you're wearing?

in an outlet in san marcus. i miss those shopping trip.

40. Coach Purse or MLB game tickets?

coach purse. what is MLB?

41. Where was your default MySpace picture taken?

raya picture i thnk. so its in batu pahat.

42. Why did you pick your background?

its pretty and cute.

43. Who are you currently texting?

no one.

44. Are you happy with where you are?

can i say no. will u transfer me to elsewhere?

45. Is cheating ever ok?

nope.

46. Do you burn candles?

nope. but would love to burn one now.

47. Are you happy with yourself?

not today. i feel bloated and tired.

48. What was your entire schedule today?

do you really wanna know? i hav class from 8.30am till 6pm. not fun.

49. Do you want something you can't have?

yes. lots of things. for a start, i dont wanna be here.

50. What makes you smile the most?

television, watching things i like.

full of bs.

and so, all the responsibilities keep on piling up, all the reasons for living are so obvious and the only way out is to deal with it. i'd rather act on it than complain and do nothing. i wanna act seriously during a certain period of time. last night, someone ticked me off. talking too much without giving much input for the project. talking about things that dont matter. i was mad last nite about lots of stuff. i cant really say it but yes. im mad. if i could run away now, believe me, i would.

the stability that i am feeling right now with you, felt really good. after a while, i really need it. thanks .

we are two separate parallel entities and we're doing fine.

i'm in taxation class now as usuals. i'm having a terrible migraine and the stereo is blasting off with hujan's song. no i dont like it when i'm having headaches, i cant handle noise. last weekend i went to the doctor and i got lots and lots of ubat. painkillers, migraines, some medicine called caffox and some other migraine medicine. for somebody who has a problem with consuming pills, thats a lot. probably cause i'm so stressed out nowdays. too many tests , quizzes and presentations to do and the time is running up. mama said why dont i do it with no pressure because with or without the stress, all the things are to be done jgak. i know but i cant help it. today is my mom's bday. HAPPY 46th birthday mummy. i love u so much and i pray that you'll age gracefully. i know you will. hehe. she wants us, me and my brother to come back this weekend for her bday. its kinda impossible mummy with the workloads im having now. sorry. will make it up to u later okeyh. since i'm having this terrible migraine, i cant eat dairy products. i like em alllll!!! milk, ice cream and everything!

i can hardly wait for the holidays. i waiting patiently for it. i have all the plans lined up! i cant decide where am i going this holiday. i wnna go to the us badly, but whre am i gonna stay? if i were to go to london, i cant stand the winter. puterrrri, faster la. cpt la abes a -levels. so that we can go on a hliday together! yey! ahahah.

i lost it somehow,

i really wanna write something now but it is being blocked. i am numb.... i wonder why... i need it back, ASAP.

anyway, since everyone is listing down their work, i wanna list down mine too. hehe

test mkt,
test law,
test maf,
quiz far,
prsntation mkt ( a big one!)
prsntation law,
asgnment bola baling,
asgmnt mkt,
term paper bel,

i think thats it for now, i cant remmber nemore.
i know, i should be studying and finishing it rather than complaining but i am so malas.

not looking forward to it.

i woke up early this morning with a mission, to go back to sh alam. hahaha. unfortunately, i had a bad stomachache this morning. i was so sick that my mom forced me to stay at home for one more day, so that i could just take the flight first thing tmoro morning. i was not happy because i have FAR's quiz at 8.30am tmoro. something that i had prepared during the holidays. so now, i have to study again. damn. there are only 24 days to finals and to tell you honestly, i am not prepared. from a-z, i'll rate my knowledge at around d. that's how bad it is. and ohh, my muet is on the 23rd of october. at least , it is not on my birthday. but i think that is around the study week. uitm is giving us 4 days if i'm not mistaken for study week and i know for sure its not enough. i need to divide my time carefully and stick to it. 7 subjects to cover in 24 days. i'm dead. hmm. but i cant bring myself to the books for some reasons. i met up with puteri and bear last night. how long since i last saw her?! haha. oh well, raya do gathers evryone up. i cant think about anything else right now other than, finals. finals again, damn. i dont like this.

plus, tmoro, i'll be taking the flight, then erl and ktm. urggghhh. i hate that journey. it is so fucking long. nevermind. i'll cope with it. gdnite ppl.

praise to the mighty Lord

God has planned our life perfectly. it may not seemed like it is well planned but it is. The things that are not what u expected now will be what they are supposed to be later in life. He has made reservations for years to come by booking it now. He makes it seem like as if life is cruel enough to punish you but at the end of the day, he just wants you to learn, to suffer and to pray to him. Praying makes you a different person.i believe so. there has got to be a reason why i am here in malaysia and not in a place where i'm dying to be, there must be a reason why i look more like my dad rather than my mom, there must be a reason why God gave me 2 annoying brothers rather than just giving me one, there must be a reason why he showed me K and then took him away from me, there must be a reason why i am doing accounting and not some other courses. we can all live life optimisticly if we just keep our spirits high and just believe that things happen for a reason. the reason may not be as concrete as we like it to be but if you look deeper you'll find it the inner meanings to it. for now, i'm trying to look things on the bright side and not look back.

there must be a reason why am not happy right now.

ps: i may be less happier now but i am sane enough to know that i got back the 2 precious people that i love and i needed them all along.

raya'08

finally, my family.

a bit of a chaos.

half of the girls. we have more of theseeee

that is my beloved papa. hehe

my first duit raya for the day!

a special meal after solat raya.