"Managing expectation"

Quoted from my green midget friend, Lyzer. There's so much meaning to that simple 2-word phrase. Are you managing people's expectation towards you or the other way around? One thing for sure, right now, my senior needs to expect less from me. So, dear senior, please manage your expectation towards me. Haha. God, I am blur, or I have been blur since I got in here and I thought by learning more and more each day, my knowledge would accumulate itself and be more enhanced. Boy, I am wrong. Somehow, the knowledge remained static but my nervousness keeps on accumulating.

oh crap. shes here. bye! hahahaha

No way out.

48 hours or less, that's what I needed to recharge myself, to gain some kind of sanity and to just breathe. Coming back home used to be so different. I long for the days, when I come back home, my room still feels like my room. Everything that used to be mine, is still intact to the place that I placed them and my bed, would still be a double bed. Everything is not the way that it used to be. My bed transformed itself into a single bed. My cupboard automatically found itself a twin. My dressing table is now, Mom's dressing table. I am not complaining. I knew at some point, the room will no longer be mine. It is mine, but more like a store for me. But nonetheless, this house is still a home for me. I'd still drop everything to just be here. I literally did. I asked for a leave at the beginning of the week and left, at the end of it. I came back home.

But I realised Mom is much more relaxed now. Gone were the days where we would have to clean the house day and night and still, the house would be messy "___" My girlfriends are not around. I guess because I came back during the odd days but one friend is here. He's always here :) Glad that he is and somehow, seeing him here gave me the much assurance that I needed, that I am truly home.

Why am I making such a big deal about coming home? I've been moving from point A to point B to point C. At some point, I need my stability. Truly, being in Shah Alam is when I feel closest to home actually, because I've got my stuff there. I don't think it's about being materialistic, it's about having some ground to call your own. My car is filled with my stuff, and it seems like it's half a home in there. Being in Shah Alam feels like a norm for me but its quite a distance from my family. Hence, I will always crawl my way back to Ampang.

Doing my internship teaches me a lot of things. Heck, a whole lot of things. I got a glimpse of the real world and makes me realise how much I miss going to class. Waking up in the morning, getting ready to go to class,  fighting for a parking space, buying breakfast and of course, meeting my friends and oh yes, the most important thing is, of course, listening to the lectures, even though I hardly do. Haha. I truly miss all of that. I miss the free time I have, I miss the free time I had to just blog and tell the whole world what's happening to me.

And by me writing this, I think I am showing my appreciation towards the little things that this experience has thought me. My dad asked me how many more months to go and he kept asking me everytime that I see him. Haha. This time, I answered, 3 more months to go and he said 'Eh lama lagi'. Yes, lama lagi.

As at 17th March.

1. I am going back to Kedah, within minutes.

2. They are reciting the Yaasin right now, to thank God for the recovery of my aunt. Alhamdlulillah. (Urm, I'm a girl, so.....)

3. I haven't been going back since January.

4. I've been waking up at 7.30am every morning. That's late. Really late.

5. Stumbled upon Puteri while crossing the small road on my way back to the office :) What a coincidence!

6. Elisha is in India, Deanna is in the States and I will be going back to Kedah soon. Seems like everyone is at their right places right ?  :P

7. I don't enjoy work. I just don't feel like going to work lately. Never felt that way when I was with the previous team.

8. Elan is getting naughtier by the minute and yet, getting more and more adorable by the second.

9. First thing I'm gonna swallow when I reach home is Nasik Yasmeen.

10. Someone asked me a simple question " Why don't I read the Harry Potter book collection?" I can't find the right answer. Why eh? Simply because, I don't understand it. I really don't. I am not a wizard. I prefer having to read literature stuffs rather than wizard stuffs.

11. Or maybe, I prefer to interpret lyrics rather than interpret a spell. Hehe.

That should be it for today. I actually miss blogging. Eh wait,

12. Zakian texted me today, telling me how stressed he is but because he knows that I've been there, done that, he knows that I get it. 24 credit hours for one semester. By the end of the week, you're not breathing anymore. You want to but you can't but hang in there, buddy :) I did fine, we all did fine and so will you!

At the end of the day....

I've been hearing lots of things lately. I've been listening to lots of tales lately. I hear them, I listen to them. I absorb, I swallow, I let go. They enter the right side of my ears and they leave the left side of my ear, subsequently, without having to be told or anything. I listen to orders but I leave out insignificant details. 

I don't know whether it's just me or what, but as I grow older, the things that used to be fun when you were a kid, doesn't interest you that much anymore. You observe people, you take care of the ones that you love, you change your priorities, you get rid of bad people in your life and you keep the good ones. Petty things will just be petty things, left at the door when you enter the house. 

I still do not have the slightest idea of what I really want in life but I do know what I don't want. I don't want to live a miserable life. At the end of the day, you can't please so many people, if you, yourself is not happy and pleased with yourself.

Ps : Arsenal lost last night, against Man U. I don't really fancy football but I care about Arsenal especially about the guy who is wearing the #14 jersey. He's got the smile of an angel. I don't want him to lose that smile but oh well, when you're up against Man U, it's better to let them win because if not, the fans will go crazy. HAHAH

Stop frowning.

I  browsed through this dusty blog of mine, I realised that I have nothing interesting to update about. Then, I paused for a while and took some time to think. 2010 was really exciting and to compare it to 2011, this year is really dull. I try not to make it dull but I guess, there's nothing really adventurous has happened.

I wake up around 6.45am, get ready for work, by 7.40am, I'll leave the house, reach the office by 8.30am, work will start right away, lunch is around 12.30pm, in between these hours, I'll look for a plan for dinner, deciding on whether I want to go back to Shah Alam or not, then by 6pm, I'll leave the office if there's nothing else to do, or I'll stay a bit longer if I have things to do. I'll have dinner with my friends, my cousins, my family and I'll watch a movie or the tv and get ready for bed.

That's the routine everyday and no, I don't see anything exciting or interesting there but things do become exciting if the people you encounter in between is exciting enough. Lunch is alright. I try to make dinner more interesting but when you're tired, then nothing is actually.

Before, I was excited as hell to go see Taylor Swift, then it happened and it happened so quickly. And now, I am not that excited to go see Bieber because it'll just be like Taylor Swift's concert. It went by like a breeze. I need to do something exciting so just I can write about it. Haha.

But oh well, my life is not that bad. Just not as emotional as before. That should be a good thing I guess rather than talking about the same old topic around the same old boy but wait, I still do that. HAHAHAHA. But more like for fun :D

Ahhh, life is good. Life is alright. Don't fret.

We are all trying to grab the title of......... "Super VT"

Tomorrow is the 11th of March and if I can still remember precisely, I started going to the client's office two months ago. The night before I went in, I could hardly sleep. It was supposed to be the first day of my career, ever. I did not know what to expect but still, I ventured into the field with an open heart and mind. I remembered calling my manager, asking her where to park the car and whom should I go see. I came in, looking blur as ever, I passed a document that I brought from the office to another senior and my work started. I learned how to operate the photostate machine properly. I had to remember a password to do so. Then, I had to make a copy of a bundle of files, which in total was almost as thick as 3 Oxford dictionaries. The client looked at me like as if I was one of the auditor. They were perhaps.....impressed. I wasn't. Little that they know, I was the auditor's....little.....helper... Haha. Two months later, I still am and glad to be :) Anyway, when it was already lunch time, one of the junior auditor came to me and asked to stop and join them for lunch and at that moment, I kept thinking to myself, "Wow, they really take care of their interns," Well, they take care of each other. They make sure everyone eats their lunch. We walked outside and since then, we've been crossing the road together in order to get to the other side to have lunch. I eat my Malay food, they eat their Chinese food. I don't sound racist here, I am telling the fact, but we eat at the same table. They talk, I listen. Sometimes they ask me a question, I replied with an answer or two. Day in and day out, it was just the same, casually but in terms of my experience professionally, I learned a lot. I can now use Microsoft Excel, excellently, though they will disagree, my friends will agree. Haha. My friends know how much I hate handling papers, and that's the reason why I messed up on my first day. I messed up pretty bad but luckily, one of the junior auditor came to the rescue. Of course, I did stupid things along the way. I did many stupid things indeed. There was this one time, I asked my seniors about some simple debit and credit matter. It was so simple, that she had trouble trying to simplify a simple matter. I asked frankly, and she answered nicely, but of course, they made fun of it later by saying "It's interesting right since she taught you the debit and credit part of it" Ha ha ha. In order for you to get the documents, of course you have to talk to the clients. I hate that part. You have to play nice and smile all the way AND you have to know what you are talking about. I failed miserably at this. I became all sweaty in all the wrong areas. I mumbled slowly, but you have to do what you have to do. One time, the senior wanted me to be a spy for a certain bank. Suddenly, when I knew I had to call the bank to get the confirmation, I started to sweat drastically and my ears became hot. I wanted to run since there was the Director in the room, together with a senior and my manager. I dialed the number slowly and they started laughing and listening to me curiously. I was shy but it went okay, I guess because I got what I wanted. Of course they found many other ways to bully me, but I honestly do it sincerely because I know I have to learn and I don't see any other easy way to do so. I don't love the job but at least, I like it and I admire them in so many different ways. We think they don't have a life but hey, if that is their definition of life, who are we to say anything? I admire the fact that they are so clever. I suppose it comes with experience and time. Where else can you learn to act calmly when the original document got eaten by the feeder? Where else can you learn how to tally up the figure to the cents? I actually like it when there's a lot of work. My brain functions efficiently, without having to go through the heart. Hence, there's no conflict. Hehe. My other friends who are working at the same place get to go to different clients frequently. I've been attached to the same one since I enrolled in. Only there was this one time where they gave me away on loan to another company, but that was only for a day and a day only. Other that that, I've been with the same team for the past 2 months. I learned a lot from them and I will forever be grateful to them for being so patient with my never ending stupid questions, slowness and blurness. Hopefully, when I move on to another senior, I can show them that I am a Super VT! Hahaha 

PS : Now that I am writing this, I realised that I don't have any picture with them :( I've got one more day to ask them tomorrow, but I am too shy....