#V

I am so careless, I deserve a tight slap on my face. Haha no, seriously. This past week, I have been signing documents and agreements without reading it first. So much for being a student studying professional courses. Pfttt! Read Jasmin Anis. Read what is on the paper. Do not just read things in between the line. Read what is clearly infront of you. Read to enhance your knowledge. Read to understand the gist of it. Read in order to understand the mechanism of something. Read, just because. Okay, I get it. Just read then. I always go through such thing, then to make my self feel better, I will create a story behind it. In this case of my own nightmare, I am trying to conclude that perhaps God wants me to find other jobs with a work life balanced. Ha ha ha. See, how I twist my own mind to make it seem like itS is okay. Sick, I am. Careless, very. I am in a very vulnerable state. Tskkkk. Not. Just a bit cuckoo.

No title.

"To fight against what I'm feeling, that's tolerable but to fight against what is written, that's impossible."


I go weak every single time I see this quote. My heart explodes. My mind goes blank. Present tense, because it happens a lot. My feelings for you; they fluctuate. 

#U

My heart aches a bit as I am typing this, as the alphabet U makes it appearance at a very special time. U stands for university, the place where I learned a lot about myself, the place where I ventured into things that I never knew I could and basically, the place where I discovered I could do wonders with the ability and capability that I had within me. As of 30th of June, it marks the fifth year that I'll be in Shah Alam. My mother and my brother sent me off at Kolej Mawar, during the orientation week, as I was about to embark on a new journey. Cewah! But true enough, it really was an adventure. 

After 5 years, I learned that I like accounting. The word like is being emphasized here, because I like accounting. I can do it quite well, if I work hard for it but I don't love it. It is not my passion but fair enough, I like it. It has come to my realization that I can never do engineering, never in a million years. To be a lawyer seems alright, until it hits me that I have to be good with my presentation skills. I can talk, but not facts, but crap. To venture into architecture would be out of the question because I can hardly draw a box. So, you get the whole picture. After minimizing the options, accounting seems.. just.. I guess.. But I like it..

After 5 years, I learned a thing or two about friendship, in terms of being one, or just how to look out for one. To be a friend is all about reciprocating and sometimes, it is just about being there. At certain level, the amount that is given and taken, must be equal but it doesn't hurt if you give more. You may never know when you will get the extra perks of going the extra mile for a friend. 

After 5 years, I learned the habits that tick me off easily and the little things that can make me happy. As weird as it sounds, I have to hold the broom every day. I am not making this up, to show to the world that I am the housewife material or such but a few housemates can provide you with testimonials. Haha. It ticks me off that the things that can make me happy is actually when the floor is swept. Ironic. A day is complete when the I've finally made some kind of communication with the broom. On certain special days, the mop makes it special appearance. I have to say, this is the way that my mother has nurtured me and trust me, my future daughter will be going through the same thing :) 

After 5 years, I grew up and it hits me that I am no longer the 18 year old kid, who is still naive about the surroundings, thinking that the world will welcome you with a red carpet outside the gate, with your prince charming holding a bouquet of flowers during your graduation. Scratch the dreams, life is what you make out of it. My convocation is on Sunday and I just received my offer letter to start off my first job. Scary, yes it is. I didn't expect time to pass by this fast but it did. To prove that I have grown up this past 5 years, I will embrace the next chapter of my life with lots of prayers, commitment and a smile. I know what I am getting myself into, I have seen it and yet I agreed to do it. 

After 5 years, I am still the same girl holding the same values, with the same kind of wild thoughts. This blog has seen it all. My university life may not be as interesting or exciting as others but I guess it is sufficient enough for me to look back and say 'I'm glad I took this road'. Friends I made along the way are the friends that always brings out the best in me, places I have been along the way are the ones that I have always wanted to go and the memories that are created are great enough for me to remember forever. And... after 5 years, I can say that I am extremely, passionately and super loyal. HAHAHA. 

After 5 years... Great.... I feel like I just locked myself in a jail cell.....
Good luck in all your future undertakings, Jasmin Anis.
Here's to a few steps before the real world eats you up!

#T

There was this one point in time, where I was certain with what I want. Pushing aside my needs, I focused more on what I want. There was this one point if life, when everything is so clear and vivid, it feels like I could touch it with my own bare hands, but dreams remain to be only dreams if you don't convert it into reality. There's this one phrase that I can't quite comprehend, 'We are seperated for the reason of God' or something like that. I truly don't freaking understand this. Anyone care to explain? There was this one time, where I've truly forgotten what it feels like, and yesterday someone and some event made that feelings rushed back and all I could utter quietly was ' Oh, I forgot how it feels like and I'm not quite sure if its a good thing' Vague, is not even the word for it. More like vanished. I've always thought that it is me who will be holding the trophy at the finishing line but looking at it now, I hope I'll be able to even make it to even make it to the finishing line. This is a straight approach that I'm taking here. No turna or no breaks in between.

#T

They say, time will heal everything. I surrender, I have no idea what this phrase means. Its there, quite clear but what does it mean? If time stops, we will still  move forward isn't it? Or maybe if the time stops, the world will end? Such a simple phrase, with its deepest meaning. I don't understand because it's been 5 years and my heart is still at it. Time moves forward, my feelings are as stagnant as ever. Perhaps I am just being stubborn. Maybe.

Time, is something that I wish we can get a hold on. 24 hours a days seems like such a long time, when you're doing nothing but it seems like the shortest amount of time when you've got a lot on your plate. There are moments in life, where you wish you could travel back in time, to change one simple thing, or two, maybe. Of course, but its the decisions, mistakes and choices that you have made in the past that defines who you are now. 

Sometimes, when you have too much free time, your life becomes unproductive. I'm the living proof of it. I became obsessed with....sweeping and mopping.. As much as it sounds legit, its a waste if time. You know why, because I've got too much time. How many times can you sweep and mop in a day? Pfttt! This Thursday, I've got an interview and the funniest thing happened when I got the phone call. It is our exam week now and since we are only sitting for one paper, the rest of the week is counted as a holiday for us. So, I decided to go back to Alorstar, as usual :) I arrived at 4.30 in the morning and being the normal human being that I am, I slept in till 10 in the morning. A phone call by this company woke me up and I answered with a fake fresh voice, I had to. Hehe. Then, I sounded too confused, I guess that the HR person said, 'Wake up, Jasmin' Ooooh, snap. I just got caught. Timing people, timing. Haha. 

Haih, the time was 10 in the morning, I bet the person that called me thinks I am doing nothing at home, been waking up after 11am since I graduated. I don't know whether I am ready for it or not, but if I don't start now, then when should I start? TIME WILL TELL. Heeee :D

PS : I just told my mom that I want to get married in Alor Star, not in Bangi. Mom said I've got 2 years to go. Must. Find. A. Husband. Now. Now. Now. I am short of TIME. Hahaha!

When you have all the free time in the world.......

And oh, welcome May.