#S

Got ambushed when I reached home, got attacked with disturbing words. 

After all the efforts that I've put in, trying to adjust to this new surroundings, 

I think my limit has been exceeded. 

Its so weird that when you think that you've reached an age of maturity, 

your environment acts like they are 16 years old.

This is not a place for me to start dissing anyone,

but this is a heartfelt post, where I feel like my voice will be heard here.

It felt like I was being invaded, I had no choice.

Every step I take is being watched, I can hardly breathe. 

So, I prefer to stay silent because if I ever let it out, I'm afraid my words might be hurtful

and maybe, my act afterward may never be able to compensate it. 

#R

Random, most of the time, we all are.
Random, most of the time, we go to places we have never been before.
Random, most of the time, we wonder about what could have been.
Random, most of the time, we question if we've given enough for us to receive that much?
Random, most of the time, we forget where we came from.

This is random, heck it is.

Randomly, it hit me.
What if I had taken the extra mile, to just go a little further, in achieving what I want?
Anything random in particular.
Just anything, perhaps something so significant, so important to me at that particular moment.
What if I had swallowed my pride & ego to just tell you the truth on that particular night?
After all, no one choked from eating up their own ego.
What if I had just studied more and try my best to increase my CGPA during my Degree?
After all, no one died from studying too much.
What if I had stopped eating pancakes and nutella so much when I was in Form 2?
Perhaps, I'll be much smaller now.

You know what, after what I just wrote it is quite obvious what is important to me.
Someone said, just by reading someone else's blog, you can interpret that person
and the same someone said, I am someone who needs to be read in between the line.
I guess so.

As you grow older, the little things that used to be trivial mean the most.
Things that cannot be explained in words but as you mature with time,
a person tend to be more observant and meticulous.

You know why I am being melodramatic today?
I visited a friend who just delivered a cute baby yesterday.
It is such a warm feeling for someone to be calling you a mom isn't it?
And the friend that is watching, which is me and the other 16 or 17 of us, can't help it but feel a tad too old.

And, I went to Petrosains for the first time, ever.
It was one hell of a RANDOM trip!
KLCC can be called my fourth home, after Alor Star, Ampang and Shah Alam
and yet, I was too ignorant to enter into the magical space of science.
Having a set of wacko and on the go friends helped :)
See, I felt like I skipped a bit of my childhood and at 23 years old, I had to find a way to recover it.
Thank God I did, and not when I have reached 43 years old or more. Hehe

Random much?
I am trying to bite my nails now and other than that, I, hereby, promise to go the extra mile in everything that I do. I am done, wishing, thinking and hopelessly playing those stupid imaginary conversation in my head about anything. Anything.

While the Sultan was being installed as the 14th Yang Dipertuan Agong of Malaysia,
we learned about science :)


Credit to Qaila, for the picture taken.

#Q

It should have been an exciting day, as it was a day filled with events with family and friends. From the moment I opened my eyes, I had friends to wake me up. Mind you, I am not one of those girls who wake up with the brightest smile on her face, I am one of those girls who need time to warm up in the morning but still, on that one particular day, the sun was shining a bit brighter and I had interesting things to wake up to. If I were to put things in sequence, the first person to cheer me up was perhaps, my classmates/coursemates/housemates because we sang to Demi Lovato's song in the car, pretending that we were in the karaoke box. It was just like any other car ride to class, but somehow "Give Your Heart A Break" seems like a good anthem these days. Secondly, Hilary Duff finally uploaded Luca's pictures after 14 days of torture. He looks like her. A boy version of Hilary Duff. Thirdly, my group which consisted of three people, managed to escape from presenting on that particular day. As much as I'd like to get it over and done with, I still wasn't in the mood to present as it was quite awkward to be presenting in class, after so long. Fourthly, I had a good 2 hour nap after class.  A nap that can be categorized as a power nap. Hmmm. 2 hours, it should have been powerful isn't it? Later, I had lunch. A short lunch with someone that should have been the person that could make or break my day. Surprisingly, I still was not excited after that. I came back home, opened my laptop and started applying for jobs. Why did I fill up for jobs application? It was because I'd rather do that, than starting to flip the books in front of me. I was looking for excuses, reason to not touch those black and white pages. Next, I finally started to browse through the pages and I found strength to look into the Agency relationship between the principal and the agent. Funny how I've been studying this topic since last year but every single time that I read it, I'd still get confused. Weird. Then, it was dinner time with the cousins. When it comes to dinner with family, I've embedded my brains with little mental notes. For example, dinner will always start late, no matter how early everyone has promised to be there. Minor factors, like TRAFFIC and KABUTNESS of everyone should have been included while planning. Nonetheless, dinner with the cousins will always be entertaining and anything swallowed, will make my tummy smile :) And then, we had a coffee session and I went back home. 

This day should have been an exciting day, because just by looking at the 'itinerary' of my day, I am exhausted but I was not. Thankful for the day, I really am but somehow, the day went by so quietly, I was still looking for some kind of sparks, because I spent time with the most important people in my life on this specific day but somehow, something did not click. It feels like it was one of those days where it feels really empty and quiet. I was bored, even just by looking at you. It was weird. Yes, perhaps, it really was one of those quiet days. 

#P

Stumbled upon a nice quote today, it says " PATIENCE is not about how long one can wait, but how well one behaves while waiting". A short sentence yet, it serves several meanings. Under certain circumstances, this quote fits me well right now. To ever have that faith that things will turn out well, one has to have the utmost faith in whatever he does. Being patient is something that we hope to have as one of our main characteristics but when times get tough, some will just act out of anger and forget the meaning of being patient. 

My father is an example of a very patient man and I'd like to think that I am just as patient as he is :P Sometimes, even the simplest task, such as waiting for us by the school porch can be a difficult task if one does not have the patience to do so but my father will wait for us outside the school porch, even if we are late by one hour. He waits patiently, knowing that we're still in our extra classes. Sometimes, he will just read the newspaper and sometimes, he just listens to the radio. As we enter the car, he will not get angry, at all. I will just say "Sorry Pa, lambat" and he says "Okay" and life moves on as usual. In contrast, my mother will be angry and says "I am not picking you up tomorrow, your father will do so! " Hahaha. How a marriage works, I guess. The power of Ying and Yang. 

If there's anything that I'd like to have in this world, it would be to have passion and to be patient but come to think of it, if you're passionate in something that you do, you would not mind in being patient and to wait for the best results of it. You will be patient even if you are running in circles, going around nowhere while doing what you love to do. You will not get bored watching something that you adore, something that you wish to acquire, be it a skill, a qualification, a trophy, a car or perhaps, someone? :P 

Right now, what bothers me the most is that my expectation of being 23 years old doesn't seem to match with where I am right now. In your mind, you've created this path for your career, for your life and a wrong turning alters everything. This is what I mean by being patient and hoping that life will take you to a better road, with a greater ending. I'd always thought that by now, I'd have everything figure out, or at least, I've got one thing figured out. I have not figured anything out. I haven't. I haven't.