Looking for that thing, that you took while you went away.

My heart is all over the place tonight. All over, literally. My brain left me 3 days ago, it went back to Kedah while my body is still in Shah Alam.

I went to Petronas to check on whether there are any available tickets left for me to go back to Kedah but luck was not on my side, because the school holiday is coming up. Taking the flight is neither an option now because its just impossible to get the seat.

I am trying to cheer myself up. Looking for ways and tonight, everything seems wrong. WRONG.

I hate this feeling.

Big Flop.

I wanted to start off this post with a peribahasa, I don't know which one is suitable but the meaning that I have in mind is like "......... memakan diri sendiri," Make sense? It's okay, let me re-cap what I've written a while back. Remember that time when I said I asked my manager about the debit credit question? So, I suppose that was not a good thing. No, I don't suppose so, but now, I know so. I thought, by asking, then I can avoid any kind of mistakes because you see, this is real life problems with the firm's prestigous name on the line and this is not just for exam purposes. If it was for my financial accounting paper, trust me, I'd leave the questions alone but I can't do such things. Responsibility has been passed to me, I ought to the thing that I have been asked, properly. So, to ensure that I get it done, correctly, I asked. Yes, I do think that I asked stupid questions sometimes but I have learned to certain extent, you'd rather look stupid than to make mistakes, that might not or cannot be amended later.

Sounds like I am angry, or maybe not satisfied, perhaps I am but I know my own capabilities. I know that I don't know much. I know and that's why I am there with the post of a Vacation Trainee, not an Associate. I am there to learn and develop skills. Like I said, manage your expectations. AND, how do you know I'm not willing to learn? Big part of the reason why I wanted to venture into auditing was to actually learn. To learn and adapt but to learn with the audit firm, takes a lot of time and the seniors are always busy. For you to gather up your courage and ask them a simple question, might actually interupt them. Then, instead of being the eager VT that wants to learn, you are becoming this annoying VT that wants to know everything. So, any other way that you are in, you're caught. Told ya, it will memakan diri sendiri right? As it is, I am already 'segan' with my previous manager because she's so smart. Really smart. Aihhh. Overall, this internship experience has taught me one thing. "Why did you study for exam purposes Jasmin Anis binti Noor Allam?"

So, if you're reading this, my fellow juniors, don't ask stupid questions or act blur, or dumb. Just act like you know, BE SERIOUS and adapt. As for me, for the first two months, I had to adapt to the surroundings that pratically ignored my presence there. Like I said, they speak Chinese and I stood there, like a stool. Safe and unsound, for about 2 months, yes but what did I get in return, precious experience. I think it's with them that I learned a lot, quite a lot. I guess, you just have to adapt. 

Anyway, what I am trying to say in this post is, for the questions that I asked resulted a poor review on my technical knowledge but I do think I deserve it, parts of it. Haha. Whatever, let's wait for another review from another senior. Then, we'll take that one and give it to the lecturer tmoro. Haha :P


Ps : Serious font, for serious matter.

Getting it right.

There was this one time, when I wanted something so badly. I really wanted it, I kept thinking about it and I know my life would be incomplete without me having it. So I kept it inside, I prayed slowly, asking God for clues and found it. I was going miserable thinking about it, and I think God knows how miserable I was then, that He gave it to me on the spot. How badly I wanted it, was beyond my personal understanding. I don't know why but I knew I wanted it and when I actually found it, then I understood the reason behind it.

Now, I wonder why were things so hard between us? Is God testing me to see how badly I wanted 'it', or just to tell me that things are not meant to be? I reckon its the latter one. I mean, I used to think that its the former one but now, I guess, it's the latter one. I have got to get my feet firmly on the ground. *slowly bringing it down to earth. Yea, it's on earth now*

What I'm trying to say is, when I want something, usually I will get it when I want it with passion but i sincerely thought I was passionated enough, no? Haha now I'm just a confused kid. Its gonna be that time of the month now, so yeah, all sorts of questions are popping up. Friends graduating, friends getting married, friends having kids (okay, not yet but if you're married, it's gotta be soon right?). Probably I'm just overwhelmed with the current events in life.

Written in the stars.

Today, I am having dinner with Puteri.
Tomorrow, I might be going to the weekly SIFE meeting.
On Friday, I am going to the office for this year's assessment by the lecturer.
On Saturday, I am sleeping over at Upper East to help out with Eva's 5th birthday party.
On Sunday, I am going to Eva's 5th birthday party.

Everything is quite planned out, but they are all short term plans.
What are my long term plans?
That's beyond my control but mom keeps on reminding me that everything is written.
Sometimes, I think I don't have to make any decisions then, because it's written right?
Weird.

Short & sweet.

It's a lovely heaty Tuesday morning. Waking up with your hair wet from your own sweat is never a good way to wake up. Usually I would dread going out of the bed but this morning, the thought of the cool & breezy aircond at the office made me jump out of the bed. The horrendous weather lately might be a way for the mothernature to tell us something perhaps? Something horrible? Maybe, who knows.

Ps : Short post to test out the new layout :)

It's an invisible button but you managed to find it.

This week has not been the best week. It's one of those week that is just draggy and you can't wait to finish it up but for it to end, the days need to end first. Luckily it was a public holiday on Monday, thus, the other days went by so quickly. Still, I don't like this week. It's either I was just worried sick about something, or I was just too sleepy to work, or I just don't feel like waking up in the morning, or I was late for work, or I don't like the job given, or I was just brushed off by someone that has changed lately. I know, many or(s) there. I don't mean to complain but I know I am.

Going in into the 5th month of internship, things are bound to change, bound to happen I guess. Being exposed to the things you have never seen or been through, maybe. I don't think I've changed into something worse. I'm not talking about me. Nevermind, but whatever it is, I was offended. That's all. You've seen the world, but you haven't been through it yet. Not just yet.

I went back home last weekend since it was quite a long weekend. I reached Alor Star at about 4.45am, and my Dad came and picked me up. In the car, he asked, "So, berapa lama lagi keje?" and I answered, "Dua bulan lagi," and he said "Lamanya lagiiiiiiiiiiii......." This is like the 100th time that he asked ('____') and my answer will always roughly be the same. I've got two (2) more months to go, YEY ME! But nah, it's not that bad actually. At least, I wake up every morning with a strong valid reason ;P