December, thank you for everything.

Puteri's 21st birthday :)

Barbecue,  just because :D

Christmas in Singapore :P

The month of December; The month of doing nothing :)

All kinds of thinking were kept to its minimum,

all kinds of entertainment were stretched to its maximum.

I had a blast this holiday, regardless of everything.

I am thankful for it, Alhamdulillah.

December. The month that I did nothing but lazed around town.

It's dark in here but I feel the sudden urge to write things here. Twitter can only swallow 140 characters and sometimes, we need more than that, you know. Right now, I need a pen and a paper or perhaps, a keyboard. I got the latter one. I'm good. 2010 is coming to an end. I don't know what about others but I close down my years with a big curtain. A good year should be remembered just the way that it is. A few good trips to the hospitals, never ending hang outs with good friends and family, great lessons and experiences here and there, flew around the globe to get a first hand experience on amazing things, rekindled some friendships and whatever kinds of ships, fell out of love ( I think and I hope so) and managed to stand n your own without the presence of your parents for a month.

I remember the years in my life with events, the ones that I've captured in my mind, the ones that I have engraved in my heart. I'm not a computer, I forget a lot of things but those things that touched you shall always be apart of you. I'm no angel like someone has said to me, sarcastically. I do sins and I pray for forgiveness from Allah. I have flaws and every year, or just every day I learn to improvise them. I am far from perfect. I can't walk on water. I don't float around on air. 

2011 will be just another 365 days for me to look forward to. There will a new journey that I'll embark on the very first month. I have no idea how it'll be like but I will try my best to do it, gracefully. I shall complain but perhaps, I will understand the real world better. 

Enough of rambling, pictures will be posted soon to show how my December looked like :)

Grey.

Calm as you always are, you stood there coyly, in blue.
I sat there watching you, reading every line that I could. 
I couldn't.
It was as easy as that.
I painted the holidays with every colour I could find.
But, I refused to paint it grey.
I can't interpret that vague little ordinary colour.
Perhaps, or just perhaps, I am tired of interpreting it.

Like a firework show.

I've written many posts that once I'm done with them, I'll just hit the "Save" button because I feel like I'm telling a story that is not important, that doesn't bring any meaning to anyone, even none to yours truly. So, sometimes, even when I've written more than half a page, I'll just delete them. All I needed was an outlet to let them out, if anyone reads it, that's a different matter. Just an outlet to speak up. 

I am left with 17 more days before my holidays end. Should I be worried? I guess so, but I am focusing on making the best of the last few days of this amazing year, 2010. When I say amazing, I mean amazing. Great stuffs happening at the beginning of it, in the middle of it, and now, we're reaching the end of it and I'd say, things that I didn't expect to happen, did happen. I don't wanna start emphasizing on what great stuff, but take it as I wrote it. Great stuff indeed :) No, I am not getting married. No, I didn't get a 4 flat. No, I didn't get an Audi. 

So, guys, enjoy your last bits of 2010. I managed to turn it around and had fun this year. How about you?

It flutters around.

It flutters around and kept making the sound, that sounded like nothing.

Those butterfly flew around freely, some in a garden, some in a building 

and some flew frantically in someone's stomach. 

I saw a white butterfly with black little spots,

I caught it with my bare hands, 

and I swallowed it. 

So, now I have a butterfly in my stomach. 

Does it flutter around in there?

I guess so and if only I have the guts to kill them, I will do so but sadly, no. 

I love 'em butterfly. 

#oldstuff 1

Put your feet on the ground and lift up your head high.

Keep your eyes straight and fix it right to the sky.

Forget your past and move on with your future.

Live it up to the greatest moment in your present.

Leave the past that gave you heartaches,

Leave the past that made you cried,

Leave the past that brought you down,

Leave the past that made you feel low,

Leave the past that ate you up inside and left you only sore bones,

Leave the past that made you felt a loser,

Leave the past that made you go haywire,

Leave the past that made you lost your appetite,

Leave the

March 6th, 2009. I can't even finish the sentence back then. 

I feel like I owe this blog a few posts. I can't write anything now, so I think I'm gonna start posting things that has been in my laptop for a while.

Batu.

Had a bucket full of rocks, I throw it all away.
Before I did, I browsed through it one by one.
Found one that I really liked, I kept it.
Carried it around everywhere in my pocket.
One day, I found a hole in my pocket.
The rock was gone.
The rock was gone.
The rock was gone.
If only I can find the same rock again.
I would kept it in another pocket.

Now, too many rocks in one paragraph.
They sound weird when you repeat it again and again,
but then, all word turns out weird when you repeat them again and again.

Thankful.

It's 1.28am with the sound of the fan accompanying me through out the whole night, along with Yuna singing 'Decorate' in my ears. It's been quite a day for me and quite a night. Here in Alostar, the night time comes at around 7.30pm or so, and up till the next morning, it'll be dark. My night was alright until around 9.30pm. It didn't need much words, just maybe one punchy line or so and the deed was done. Getting tired of it, its getting pretty old. 

I keep reminding myself, be thankful, be thankful, be thankful. God knows, how thankful I am, but maybe I don't show it enough but please do know, I am more than thankful to be born into this amazing world and I'll always be forever thankful for that. Just some times, when you think you've given everything, you know it'll never be enough OR maybe, I haven't given the best. I don't know. Like I said, its getting pretty old. I am getting old, day by day. 

Just a dream..

Everyday, my goal is to wake up early. As early as I possibly could  but I know those are just goals and dreams because I slept at 4am last night. Not that I had much to do, but catching up with friends, listening to new songs, watch any new videos, and played some games of Facebook(THAT boring Facebook). I know this is how my holidays will be like, since I have no proper holidays plan to go somewhere. I can't really say I love it to be doing  the same thing day in, day out but I'm not hating it either. 

I woke up at around 11.13am (not saying this with a proud tone) and had one of the most amazing dream, after lots of very plain ones, this was the climax of it all. So, I payed with phone and looked for ways, not to get out of bed. I lingered around till it was 11.56am. God, that was how lazy and happy I am to just lay around doing nothing and now here I am, looking for ways to enhance my days and make it more productive. Bet mom has got some chores for me to do, some errands for me to run for her. Wish I could be in Shah Alam right now, attend the SIFE AGM meeting. I miss the people in Shah Alam, oh God. Ahhh, one can never be satisfied right? When I am in Shah Alam, I crave of being here at home, but now I am in Alor Star, I wanna be in Shah Alam, but when I was in..... nevermind...

I forgot to bring my swimming suit, hence, no swimming activity for me. I brought back my running shoes but that seems like a big task. Hmmmmmmm. 

I better get my ass downstairs and start showing my face to Mom before she screams my name. Hihi. Those out there, who are sitting for their SPM, Goodluck girls & boys. You can do it!

I'd rather be a beast with a heart than a beauty with none.

FIll me in with workload, I need my mind to be occupied rather than thinking about things that I am not supposed to think about. 

2 nights in a row with thoughts that bug me like hell. 

It changed my mood, it changed my perspective towards.... Life.

If this keep on going, this holidays would be nothing but fun.

Funny Readers.

And so I have funny readers, like the sitcom Friends kinda funny. Okay maybe not THAT funny but funny enough to make me smile reading it, or maybe burst into a laughter. So I wrote a post on how I feel about leaving my student life, then I thought okay, I better stop now because it's getting kind of heavy. Then I typed the word WEDDING  there and the rests of the words, VANISHED!

They couldn't care less to to comment on my feelings :( but they were so excited about the wedding and I think I'm gonna write a post on it but right now, at this particular moment, mom is cleaning up the kitchen and she's waiting for me to sweep the floors or something. So I don't want to interrupt my wedding moment with a mop or a broom. So, this is me saying good bye, stay tuned and Selamat Hari Raya Korban :)

Long Live!

I let out a big sigh, the holiday has begun. I should be happy. I am. Don't get me wrong. I am happy but just not, deliriously happy. During the finals, all I can think about is, this is the second last time I'll be sitting for my finals. I should be happy about it, with the fact that I am leaving all the thick books behind, all the notes and all the assignments behind. Of course I am happy about that but the fact that when I am done enjoying myself with the holidays, I am up for a big challenge. I'll be working at a firm. That sounds so serious isn't it? I am scared, terrified and mostly sad that I am leaving the comfort zone of being a student. That is what I am afraid of. Everyone keeps on telling me, enjoy your student life. That's when you have all the fun and excitement. I am having fun. I really am. Life is sometimes added with stress but most of the times, I am just happy to go through it with the presence of my family and friends. I will miss that. Everyone keeps on reminding me about the real world as well. So, where are we living now? The fantasy world? Don't think so cause in my fantasy, my hair is straight! Haha. 

I don't think about this all the time but the thoughts come and go. They popped up in my  head and refused to leave me alone until I set a certain goal or target in life. I can set them but only time will tell with of course, God's willing. I am taking it one time at a time. I don't expect all the answers at one go. I guess, I just need to breathe in and out.

I miss you guys!

Alright, this is a heavy post. Ni baru pkir psal future in terms of career wise, I haven't started on the wedding part. Haha. God bless us all. Aminn. 

Take me home, please.

I've always had this little plans that I would like to be executed on the next day of my life. I plan things like this when I go for cold shower, for a swim, a drive to nowhere, and sometimes just anywhere, doing anything. So last night I planned things inside my little mind. I wanted to run errands, as many as possible. I needed to go to the bank, fill up the car petrol for the car, go to the post office, check out the US currency at the money changer,  read at least 4 chapter of AIS, surf the internet A BIT and go hang out with my friends when the clock reaches 9.28pm. True enough, I did go to the ATM, I did fill up the car petrol, I did read one chapter of AIS and I basically surfed up the Internet the whole entire evening and of course, the crucial part of my day starts at 9.28pm. I want to go hang out with my friends. I need that after one chapter of AIS. Haha. 

I still haven't learned my lesson from planning the day. All the plans will just go down the drain, or most likely, down the bed with me, in my dreams. I was planning to go swimming on Saturday evening but other plans sounded more amazing than swimming. Swimming was postponed till the next morning/afternoon and I did swim for like 4 rounds and then it started raining. Blame the rain. Not me.

Speaking of the rain, my hometown just went through a horrible event of flood. I never thought that my house will be part of it but apparently, the whole town was involved. Luckily the water didn't go inside my house but still, no one could get out of the house because the road was covered with nothing but water, up the ankle. I bet all of this is not a good thing but my sister said she enjoyed her first flood experience and it was exciting "_" Now I feel like going back home, just for the excitement of it but frankly, I am sad. Wish I'm home to help my mom clean up the house, maybe go around town (by boat, or rakit) to help those in need. People are always helping other people in other countries when they are in need but what about helping out our own community when they are REALLY in need? I wanna go back. 

I really do. 

And I hope and pray to god that there will be no second wave coming around or anything. Its too much for Alostar to handle but if God is really testing us, then probably He'll get us through isn't it? 

He can't be in all 17 countries.

I've been wanting to blog about it since it happened but I was so swamped with non important things that I forgot what I initially wanted to write. So, this morning, I was up first in this big house, which is so rare, due to my inability to wake up first daily. Haha. WAKE UP PEOPLE. Its already 8.20am. 

So, what is the important thing that I really have to blog about? Everyone knows by now that I am a huge/large/biggest fan of One Tree Hill and to be more precise, I am a big fan of Julian and Brooke or Sophia Bush and Austin Nichols. I really am :) So the other day, we were all busy studying for our Corporate Governance paper on Tuesday evening. God knows how I dreaded the paper. The amount of effort you had to put in remembering all those procedures, oh God, we should be given the rights to bring that one text book in. It was so thick, it's just impossible to even remember anything. So, since we were so bored to death, Izrin and I had a little game that we played on Twitter. Izrin asked Lisa Surihani's for one good luck wish and lucky enough, her wish was granted. I wanted the same thing so I just retweeted it and wrote, 'Nak jugak. Exam yang sama!'. Too bad she didnt reply! Haha. We've met you know, Lisa. Anywayyyyy, Izrin said, go ask Fazura for the wish, and I was like, 'Nah. I'll go straight to Hilary Duff' and I did but a few moments later, her sister tweeted about how much fun they were having since it is Halloween Night and I thought, no way she was gonna reply that, she's drunk. Haha. I continued studying after that while slowly wishing that Lisa Surihani would reply. HAHAHA. After 5 hours, still no news from her. 

I ignored the whole thing and continued studying and sleeping at the same time. When it is already night time, I was playing with my phone and saw Austin Nichols actively tweeting about some BP, the oil and gas company that he was against and some other stuff and I know how nice he is. Hehe. So I did tweet him saying that if he replied my tweets by wishing me Good Luck, I'll try my best to ace the exam (UHHUH) and I will fight against BP with him. I clicked the 'Send' button and continued reading endlessly. After like 2 minutes, my phone showed a Direct Message notification and lucky enough, it was from him. Him as in Austin Nichols, as in Julian Baker, as in Brooke's fiance and Sophia Bush's real boyfriend. He was so sweet before and now he is much much more sweeter. I have this new level of respect and love towards him. HAHA. 

Here's the proof. My sister doesn't believe it. Hehe. Trust me, I can lie about anything and make it seem real but what's the point? HAHA :))

Ohh Austin Nichols, thank you for uplifting my spirit but let's get real, it is all words and not numbers. Not my most special areas but I did try and I will inform you on the results. I guess I was really touched because he took the time to write and send it through Direct Message. I mean, I am just a tiny percentage of people who tweeted him and I bet you guys will be saying, its Austin Nichols and he's no Brad Pitt. Haha. I don't care. Go watch One Tree Hill and tell me what do u think of him? Hehe. And as for the little game that we played, I called Izrin to inform her about it. So, Lisa Surihani WHO????? HAHAHAHAHA.

I want to believe that this is God's way of repaying me for missing HILARY DUFF, TAYLOR SWIFT AND SOPHIA BUSH !!!!!!

Goodbye October. You've been nothing but a blast!

Hello people of the bloggerworld. I know its been a while since I last updated this little diary of mine. *blowing off all the dusts* The month of October went by so fast, I had to force myself to take a mental image of everything but now I am regretting it because I miss every single moment of it. 

I went to the place that I've been longing to go again, each day of my entire life and so my wish was granted when I joined SIFE. A little organization in UITM that made such impacts in my life. 

Anyway, I think I'm not gonna let words describe how was LA, but I am gonna let one picture of the scene I had in my mind to describe it. This is how I see LA, and this is how I wanna remember it. Nice and pretty. 

The month of October was beyond amazing. I had an awesome birthday. My cousin, Fiza did a great job on writing it on her blog. Check out her blog if you wanna see it :)

Its November now, so you know its STRESSED UP time, where finals are the biggest hurdle of all time. 

Truth is, I don't know how to start writing again, for now. Life's been good to me that I don't have anything to complain about :DD

Re-living-it-again

"Things happen for a reason"

That's the line that I plant in my head to keep me going and thank god, it helps but till what point does it help?

I don't feel like writing right now but everything has been going smoothly in life :)

I hope everyone is enjoying life right now, despite everyone seems to be having loads and loads of assignments and tests. Good luck for everything!

Raya is more than just an annual celebration.

Selamat Hari Raya, I wish to all the Muslims readers out there.

Blessed, that's how I felt during the last day of Ramadhan and the early days of Syawal. Blessed with loving family members, blessed with great and lots of food, blessed with the amount of Duit Raya I've gotten, blessed with all the laughters and joy we had over a few days. No, we didn't celebrate it in Batu Pahat or even Penang. I celebrated my first day of Syawal in KL and glad to say that we did that because that way, we didn't have to endure the long hours in the car while going through heavy + massive traffics on the highway. 

I see my cousins all the time, and as cliche as it may sound, meeting them during Raya is so much different. Everybody seems to be in a jolly happy mood and everyone will be talking, laughing and eating non stop. Probably because everyone is on a holiday, I reckon. We had a karaoke session last Raya, and this time we decided to catch a movie at the Cinema. The movie was so good, the HERO was just too good looking, I didn't want to leave him alone at the cinema. Haha. 

All in all, I had an awesome Hari Raya and perhaps, certain things that I didn't expect to happen, happened anyway. It was good stuff coming from other people, but I am just not too sure that the stuff coming out from my side, was as good, or probably as sincere. I hope I was at that time. Took me 3 hours to pull up some guts and hit the green button. It's been too long. Too long.

Anyway, Selamat Hari Raya again everyone :)

Happiness.

At one point of my life, I thought I could never achieve that. For me, it was an overrated word but only few could really tell what it was, or maybe just feel it and be content. I thought to be at that state, you need another person to complete the puzzle. That was my thought, mind you. Perhaps, 9 months back. I was under the pressure of needing the other half to make my life feel complete. Boy, I was wrong. Truth is, I can be happy on my own. I know I am much happier back then, but thing is, I am happy now, as well. I don't think of the things that could have been. No doubt, a year ago, life was exciting but it consumed a little too much of me. I carried my name all around town, but never did I live up to it. I had a body, without a soul. Now, I am a body, with too much soul. Hence, I learned that happiness is a word that only you, yourself can define with different meanings and definitions. Believe me, I was happy then but I am much happier now, on a different level of course. Just that I haven't made it to cloud 9. I hope some day I will because probably, that will be a much a higher degree of happiness.

A milestone.

For the first time, I am accepting the fact that everything will change at some point. Be it for the better or vice versa. Sometimes, we can't change a thing, or an event but we can certainly change how we look at it, but I doubt that we can change how we feel about it. What I can tell you is, I am still the same person that I am when I was 19 years old, 10 years old or maybe 6 but how I view things or think may be different. Bear in mind, the values I hold remain static.

Tonight, I reached my limit and I think, I need to really be more appreciative and take time to absorb things slowly. I neglect some of the things, or persons I really care about and deep down, I am so guilty, its just too much too handle. If only, I had taken the time, just a minute or two to sit down and have a conversation with a dear friend, who was in pain, probably, I wouldn't be sitting here, spilling out my guilt in sentences. My heart would be at ease, knowing that I took a tiny portion of my daily hours to just create conversations, a meaningful one.

I learned something new today. I learned that I need to reciprocate more and I will. Pardon myself, I haven't reached 21 yet.

With sincerity, of course.

Holiday season kicks in, AGAIN! We really need to count our blessings on the amount of holidays that we get each year, or even month. I know I am :)

But of course, along with the holidays, assignments will tag along, excessively.

And gatherings, be it family or friends. I love gatherings and all, don't get me wrong but having to go from one place to another, is sometimes, a hassle.

But this special time drops by only once a year in the calendar, so why not make the most out of it?

Apart from that, everything else just kinda falls into place, perfectly. I'm loving it, Alhamdulillah.

Anything else? Oh yeah, I dreamed of Hilary Duff last night. Haha.

And of course, Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan for the last few days :DD

What's with the face?

I know you're saying/asking/mumbling things like "Why do I have to post this picture?" and my answer would be "He is so cute. Period. Its my blog anyway." HAHAHAHAHAH Now I feel like having whatever that he is sipping there. Oh man, you don't know how badly I wanna see you. So bad.

Lightnings don't strike the same place twice.

I am looking at everything in a bigger picture with a wider scope. I don't know whether it is a good thing or not but because of this view in life, I tend to forget about the small things. Small by definition would be things that are not significant but its the small things in life that will make up for the big things in life, isn't it? I need to knock my head once, against the wall and get my feet back on the ground. Life has been floating itself towards the direction that I want but its pulling everything away from me. Literally. Literally speaking. I know its like I am speaking French to everyone right now. French, a language that I am supposed to at least, understand a bit but heck, I don't.

I am looking for signals, for hints, a couple of it maybe. Signals, for me to know that I will be fine one day. One fine day. I need things to fall into place because God, everything seems so good right now, the wheel might turn around one day and I don't wanna be at the bottom again.

4 and a half hours later, here I am.

Oh hi there. Finally, I stumbled upon a map that led me here to my own blog. How long has it been? Long enough that I need to make a few shout-outs here.

1. Congratulations on your magical wedding, Hilary Duff & Mike Comrie. I know this is a tad too late but please do know that I feel like as if I was present at the wedding with constant tweet from fellow HilaryFans as well. I got tweets saying things like 'The wedding is now' Haha. Ooo, of course I was there at the wedding but I missed the cake ceremony :P Anyways, I can see how happy you are now that you're married, you said things like you can.....bicker? Oh wow, you have to get married to fight now? Haha. I love you, being single or married. Haha.

2. Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan. ?? I know, it's the 15th day of us fasting already but it's never too late is it to at least wish, or at least fast? Haha. This is my first time fasting and sahuring at home today :) Athirah wants Nasik Goreng Cili Padi for sahur. Yummeh! Anything that mom cooks will do :)

3. Since I am at home, no more Nestum for sahur, for breakfast, for lunch or supper for me !

4. I guess, busy is my middle name now. I don't know is it whether I don't know how to divide my time properly or what, but one minute I'm here and the next, I'm there doing something else. I am risking my second last semester of studying properly but I hope it's all worth every second of it. Keeping my fingers crossed :)

5. I still haven't gotten any placement for my internship next year, starting January and slowly, I am freaking out. Its already August and September is stepping in real soon. I need things to fall into its place. Soon. Real soon.

6. I am at home. I am happy.

Crime Offender.

Waking up early everyday is not an easy task and yet, it is the task that has to be performed every single day, for the past one month of my life. I can't remember the last time I get to see the clock hits 12pm when I open my eyes. I would like those moment to reappear so that I know, my life is as normal as it has ever been. With hectic days and schedule, balancing out my studies and social life I can't entirely say that I am not enjoying it because I am. Suddenly, it hit me that this is my last semester before I venture into internship and we will all be busy as hell and we won't get to spend enough time with each other and sometimes I feel like I am pushing my family, cousins and friends ( Alostar Friends) for a while but please do know that I miss you guys so much. I look forward to every occasions or gatherings but time is never enough. How I wish there's at least 36 hours in a day and that we have a stop and resume button so that when we want to pause and take a deep breath, we can just do so. We can't and that's just too bad. So, what we have is now, and what I do have tomorrow is reading test for french and a quiz for my accounting subjects. Nice. Last weekend was nice as well. A getaway to Port Dickson with almost all Sifers :) Perhaps the place was nice, but it was the people around it that made it 'funner'.Our class BBQ was supers as well. I think I ate half a goat on that day. Haha. It was extremely delicious. Unfortunately, I didnt get involved in the camwhoring session which had a total of 700 pictures as the outcome. Haha. BBQ may seemed like a simple thing to do, a sleepover may seemed like nothing but we are running out of time now, and all we can do is grab every second of it and cousins, if you are reading this, especially Elisha and Deanna, I would love to meet up with you guys this weekend, provided that UITM has some sympathy for me :)

ps : Thank you everyone for the lovely days, that I've had since the past few months :)

Wake me up, when it is dark outside.

Like it or not, it has been a month since the new semester has started and this is the first time that I've stayed up to finish up my assignment. Life has been a bit hectic but I prefer it this way. Today, my classes finished at 6.30pm but I was actually contented with the fact that I had class up till 6.30pm. Perhaps because it was such a relaxing class but still. The lecturer was so kind, she ordered tea for us from a caterer and we got long breaks in between and that was such a nice change, after a while. Then, I jumped in the car and started the ignition and wanted to go back to Ampang right away but clever me, picked the wrong route, at the wrong time. Basically, a journey that could have taken about only 1 hour, was stretched up to 2 hours plus. I guess I needed a wake up call, from the metropolitan city. It says "Wake up, and be awake!" I am awake now, wide awake. I am picking up the momentum now, sliding into the fast pace of life because if I don't do it now, no one will catch me later. And I am not even talking about my studies, I am just talking about general things. Sometimes, my brain is still intact but not my mind. Its not anywhere. It just floats around, waiting for me to call it back and plug it in, inside my brain, physically. Yes, I am being influenced by the concept of Inception.....NOT!

A note to yours truly.

"I passed by the road that leads me to your house and once upon a time, my hands used to shake and shiver, my stomach felt like its gonna blow out and my heart, my heart was in my throat. I drove along that stretch of road again tonight and all that was gone. No shiver, no nothing. One thing that I know is, if I ever go forward, I move forward. I don't go backwards but sometimes I can make an exception but let me know if I need to make any. For now, I know I don't but who knows what will happen later in the future. A heart with no passion feels like an empty heart but they say a broken heart is a heart that has felt the intensity of love, perhaps. I can't always count on what 'they say'. I need to know what I say. I say there's no more you and I hope I am right, for now. I keep using the word for now because I don't control the future. If I were to be the one who is holding the controller, you and I would have always stayed together. I don't have to go through stupid drama. That, is if I had the controller. I don't. This feels like a letter to you. Oh well, I have so many letters that were never sent to you. Do you want to read it? Or will you ever read it? Read them? I have plenty of them. I can even number them according to numbers or simply according to title. I think you will not read them, or even read this. So I feel safe posting this. If ever I were to see you again, I don't know what to say to you but I feel like saying, "Do you care to read one letter? One love letter? It's long and each meaning will hit you right inside. Do you dare to read that one letter? It's just one letter. No harm." No, I can't be saying that right? I won't. No worries. I feel free yet I feel cooped up. I feel strained by the time line, yet I know I still have a long way to go. Thank you for making me feel this way. You were the one who commenced this feeling, I think you should take the opportunity to end it as well. Obviously, this thing should stop here before I start to talk about things I shouldn't. This is normal. I am here, at home. I see the surroundings around me, and nothing else is significant enough to stay permanently in my mind and maybe, my heart as well, but you. To see the bright things in life, I'd say you had enlightened me to see that there's more to life that I haven't seen :) "

Door.

What do I really want in life? I don't know. It's as easy as that. I can tell you I want to live a happy healthy life but who doesn't want that? I can say that I want an easy life with not problems but what will I become when nothing is a challenge? Yesterday, I was walking towards the office to send my resume and at that time, I had already made up my mind on which company I would like to serve for but right at that moment, I passed by something that made me want to change my mind but I hold on to my decision. I don't want to think about the irony of it, because if I were to do it, then i have to revamp my life, because as it is, life is full of irony.

This internship thingy really makes me feel old. The future is uncertain. I don't like this.

Of lately.

7.41am and here I am blogging like there's nothing better to do. Truth is, I miss blogging and those words that I had to say but time has not been my friend lately. So many things to do and last night, I had to brainstorm my brain trying to get ideas for my resume and that is tough. Resume. Resume. Resume. Its tough to find something to write about when you have nothing to talk about. Talk about getting old nowadays huh. Urghh

Exhaustion.

Right after I touched down on KLIA, I made no reservations for any kind of rest. In my mind, I had all kinds of activity planned out. I reached KL on Monday, I went to class on Tuesday at 2pm. That night, I had dinner with Maisara and Wan. The next day, I had a full day. Classes started from 8.30am till 6pm and I ran to Damansara to pick up the kids and we headed straight to Bukit Jalil to meet the man of the night, USHER!!!!!!!!!!!! Then, we still managed to have supper at Murni. The next day, I wanted to go back to Shah Alam, but my cousin pursued me to stay back and watch Eclipse and all I could say about Eclipse is, Disappointing! The next day, I went to class again and on Saturday, we all had a surprise birthday party for my cousin and on Sunday, all Sifers had to go to PWTC. Oh yeah, in between those sequence of events, I had to squeeze in some time to go to Intekma up till 2am or more, to support my other Sifers team mates. On Monday, we had the National Sife Competition and I am excited as hell for that because its my first time and of course, I truly loved it. It brought out the UITM spirit in me ;D Anyway, WE WON! So, what the heck. We're just going to LA je. MUAHAHAHAHAHA.

Okay, so now, the conclusion of these all, I fainted last week due to exhaustion. I ignored my jet lag, I ignored everything. My cousin came to the rescue and of course, Mama dearest was so worried, she came down to KL as well. Love you so much Mama and of course, thank you to all yang angkat masa jatuh tu jugak. Haha.

Hangus.

A bundle of words in my mind, a string of sentences and the only thing that I can type now is, 'Dinner hangus today and it is my fault and I am guilty for it'. I am too tired to talk and definitely too tired to think. I hope everything will fall into places when I come back. I hope. I really do.

Thank you, Govt.

Everytime I reach those precious ages like 16 and 18, I will always have that something special that will make me remember those years, accurately. I don't think I count my blessings enough for those magical things in life. When I was 16 years old, I asked my mom for a birthday party. I wanted a special birthday party to commemorate my 16th birthday, just like how they do it in the MTV Sweet16. HAHA. That party will always be my favourite party among all the parties I've had. And when I hit 18, let's not go there. Let's just say, I've seen the ups and downs of life. I've seen the highs and lows of life. I thought I had the world at my finger tips, and only to find out that I did not own the world when I turned 19. And now, 21. You are legal when you are 21. You get to do a lot of things when you turned 21. But this year, one great lesson that I discovered a few days ago, is that, hell, I don't want to get married when I hit 21 years freaking old. You know how you always say, 'Eiii, kan senang klu kawen je, takyah pkir ape dah' DEAD WRONG! I mean, if you have a child or two laa. It is hard. So, now. I shall enjoy my life, my single life with all the pleasures in the world. Other than that, I had a bumpy flight coming out here and that's the first time I've ever encountered with such turbulance. It was so scary that I think I had my life flashed right in front of my eyes and I only see the sad part of it rather than the good happy part. I see myself hurting over the psat years and I don't like that. My life is not all about sappy feelings. I don't wanna look back and think that, oh when I was 19, I got my heart broken and yada yada yadaaaaa. I want to be able to look back and see the happy faces of the people I love and care about. I swear at that particular moment, I was scared to death and I prayed really hard and can only hope for the best. God loves me enough to let me enjoy this life, still but there's another flight going back home. I am scared now.

Along with the face, he's a smart ass.

He posted that. He tu sapa lagi laaa, Ashton Kutcher laaa.

Climax!

Holidays are meant for you to clear up your brain a bit, and make it breathe for a while after a few hectic months but they are also meant for you to think about certain think deeply and wisely. I think about nothing, about nonsense things, about my so called future, my present life and so on. I think a lot, when I'm busy and I think more when I'm free. My thoughts can run freely and of course, wildly. I mean, not that kind of wild. Wild, as in it go to the future, and it can 'gostan' and connect to the past. Haha.

I wish I can say a lot of things here but a blog remains a blog. Sighhh

Colour.

To everyone its just a phase, to me its not. I know it's not a phase because I don't see any replacement.

I need more glue.

The last time I went, I went there to search for myself. Search for that little pieces that was left and I was trying my best to attach it back but back then, even when the glue is right in front of my eyes, I can't see it. I couldn't see it, because I didn't want to. Now, not only can I see the glue, I can see the gluestick, UHU, gam gajah and glue gun. I'm all attached to myself and this time around, when I go, I'll look after some other people, or some other kids. And I will try my best to not lose the kids. Haha.

Random Frandom.

Randomly writing. I like this holiday. This particular holiday. Randomly speaking. You are out of sight. Randomly thinking. I will be out of the country next Tuesday. Randomly. Given a choice to ever pick something that I truly want, I'd say I want a time machine. For now, I want a time machine to actually go forward because everyone says something will eventually happen in the future. Don't think now, think about the future later. Bring me to that 'eventually'. Bring me to that 'later'. Bring me there, take me there and I'll decide if ever I need to go further. Thing is, I am happy now. Happy as in, I am happy. Period. I don't need to explain why I am happy but frankly, I am and if you were to ask me, that maybe I can be more contented than I am now, I'd say yes. I can be much more happier than now, but I am happy now. I guess I can be happy by having certain things that I used to have but there must be a reason why things are the other way round isn't it? I am not here to clarify why I am happy but I guess by repeating the word 'I'm happy' indicates that I may not be happy as I think I am. HAHAHA. WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT?

Did you guys watch Killers? NOW THAT IS WHY I AM HAPPY!

Time Spent In KL

How my holidays went along in KL,

for most of the part, I remember Lukas to be part of it, very much. In fact, I met him first when I reached KL. He went back to Cape Town already. I miss you, Utas Apim! This time in KL, it feels like a real school holiday. I spent each minute with my family and I did spare some time with my friends ;)

My Last Night.

The clock striked 1am and I still don't feel like packing. To pack is one thing, but to pack for 3 occasions is exhausting, mentally. You have to figure out where everything is, the location of it, the reason on why you need/want to bring it, and to make sure that you don't leave anything behind. The fact that I am not ready to leave just yet, is not making things any easier. I spent almost 30 days, day in and day out doing nothing and truthfully, I don't regret any single minute of it. Everything was just laid back and nothing was in a rush.

We didn't really do any stupid thing this holiday. The most 'happening' thing we had done for this month is *drumroll* tengok wayang. That was it, and of course, the endless-almost-every-morning-trip-to-Kopitiam for breakfast. Oh, wait, the most 'happening' thing we did might be the hot air balloon but by the time we reached there, it was sooo pathetic. I woke up at 7am for nothing but sweats, sweats and more sweats but I met a lot of people there, so perhaps that's the good thing out of it?

But the most unforgettable event happened on Sunday night. HAHA. That will be something that I'll always treasure and miss ;) Ahhh, I better go and pack now, even though I don't feel like doing so.

If dreams come true at the very second you wished for them, then what's the point of even dreaming?

June stepped in, very quickly and I didn't get a chance to greet it properly. So, hello June, please be good to me. May wasn't that friendly but I hope May didn't pass its negativity on to you, alright. You see, I had to go through those bloody hell finals, an operation, a cancelled trip to London, and I don't know what else but those are the major things I can remember. I can look at it as bad things, or I can look at it as things that forced me to grow maturely, physically, emotionally and mentally, as much as I don't like it. So, please hear me out June and be nice ;)

My girls, my baby sister and I went out to see Lagenda Budak Setan in Alostar Mall today. We bought tickets a day earlier ( Thank you, Maisara and Kak Nuha ) since we thought that the queue would be too long, since its a Saturday but surprisingly, we were the first person to buythose tickets. Oh, surprise surprise. Haha. I read the book, or should I say the dictionary of Ahadiat Akasyah, back when I was in Primary School. Maisara influenced me to read a Malay novel and I thank her for that, but heck, I remembered nothing when I was watching the movie. Frankly, trying to capture thousands of pages and fitting it in a 2 hour movie is kinda hard, don't you think? You can't emphasize on every detail and of course, the results shall never be as satisfying as reading the fiction novel, word by word, but indeed, it was worth a try. The actors and actresses can act but except for one, but much kudos should be given to Que Haidar. HE CAN REALLY ACT! But if anyone wants to watch the movie again, I don't mind following them, again. Haha.

I hope I didn't give too much away. I didn't tell any of the plots kan? So that should be fine. We are left with about 30days before classes start again and I really want to do beneficial things, like reading a book that I don't understand so that I have to flip through the dictionary to get the meaning, or maybe Google it or BING IT! Haha. I really want to because I've been reading love stories all this while and I don't see how it will improve my static love life and so, I think I should read on non-fiction story like, biography or something. You know, so that I can improve my life, without having to find another party to get involved in it. HAHAHAHA.

Or maybe, babysitting perhaps? That should be beneficial yeah? I think so. Hehe.

This should do it now, I gotta sleep early, I'm waking early to go for breakfast with the seniors tomorrow.

Ps : Some people can see it too, so I am not the only one seeing this empty vision.

ASSurance.

Sometimes, I just have to reassure myself that I am fine, when I know I am not. Reassuring is tough when you've got no support. This is by far, the most boring holiday I've ever had. Probably it's getting better soon. Soon, or more like in 2 weeks.

Bliss.

Up to what point will ignorance still be considered as bliss? Would it still be a bliss now, if I were to ignore the pain I had in my stomach, 6 days ago and just leave for London and have fun and total bliss? Would it still be a bliss to ignore that someone who annoys me, so that I don't ruin the friendship and just have total bliss with it? Would it still be a bliss if I ignored my feelings for you and just continue our so called complicated friendship and perhaps we'd be having total bliss right now? Would it still be a bliss if I ignored a person that is suffering in front of me and just continue life as usual ? Ignorance will be bliss if, the things that you ignored doesn't get in the way of your total 'blissed' life. If I were to shut this computer off, and continue living like a normal traditional person, whose life depends on the normal activity like cycling and playing outside, probably my life would be in total peace and bliss but what do I do now, since I am so attached to a few things online, like games and blogs. I'm just saying. Without additional information, life seems so blissful. I swear, I've been seeing too much of the word BLISS in one essay, I doubt the meaning is the same anymore. Haha. Not that I have been striked with additional information lately, but sometimes, it would be better if those information is not splashed in front of your eyes and makes your hands itch to click those buttons that would make people notice, that you have seen it. Haha. Again, I'm just saying. Oh well, it is already 2.18am and you can't expect me to write 'soberly'.

Hang, hang Jebat.

"Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

You're gonna believe them"

I didn't
and if you were to ask me why, back then,
I wouldn't be able to answer it.

Probably, if you were to tell me that again,
maybe I'd believe it now.

Maybe.

She wants it so badly, since the beginning.

And of course, the first thing that I did when I came back from the hospital was browsing through the pictures and videos of these two love birds and found this. I downloaded the episode and I've yet to watch it. I am savouring the last episode of One Tree Hill for a really special moment, but I can't decide when will the perfect moment be, so maybe I'll watch it tonight ;)

Brooke Penelope Davis deserves to get her happy ending after 7 seasons. A few weddings, a few births, she should get some of the experience herself. Thank you, Mark Schwan for understanding us, the fans ;) I love you, Brulian! Hoho. I think I might get excited for Season 8 now, though I wasn't really rooting for it, earlier.

A proper recovery.

I had a strategic plan on how I wanted to spend my first mid year holidays ever since I've enrolled in UITM in 2007. We are now in 2010 and this is my first time experiencing a mid year holidays. Pathetic, I know. Anyway, I wanted to spend 10 days at home and 14 days with Hannah, Yana and Aisya in London, roaming around UK and visit Eva, Elan, Abg Andy and Abg Feroz. That was the initial plan. The plan that I had planned strategically, a month ago. Even when I sat for my finals, all I could think about is walking the streets of London with them, sitting at Starbucks or Costa for hours and do what we do best, GOSSIPING! However, I had a bad feeling already about this trip but I kept quiet cause I didn't want to ruin it.

But, we can only plan and plan but God will decide whether it happens or not. So, I guess, He replaced my plans with better things, for example : my appendix had to be removed.

I knew there was something wrong with my appendix since the exam weeks but, nothing much could be done back then. So when I came back home, I finally had it with my stomach aching on the right hand side, so I did a check up and of course, the doctor said it had to be removed because when he touched my stomach, I feel like kicking him because it was really hurtful. The doctor is my friend's father, I can't kick him though. Haha.

So, the next morning I had to be admitted and the procedure took place right away. IT IS THE MOST SCARIEST THING I HAD EVER WENT THROUGH. They took you to your ward and gave you the hospital gown. You slipped that on and the anesthesiologist came to check on you to check how old you are and such and they put on the needle on your hand for water drip and all. You know what I mean? I am not a medical student, so I am using the most common word here and I had to google some words. HAHA. Anyway, later, the nurses came with the stretcher to bring you to the Operation Theater. I was being pushed from the ward to the OT just like how you see in the movies. Everyone looked like as if, I have a serious illness or perhaps, they were just stunned with my hair because I didn't tie it. Haha. When I reached the OT, they had to transfer me to another bed and the nurse looked at hair in shock. Haha. Looking for a way to tie it up, she cut the glove's edges and tie my hair with it. Haha. Then, I forgot to remove my contact lenses, so I had to take it out and the nurses had to wait.

And so, here comes the scary part. I entered the OT with my heart beating so fast. I was shaking and shivering. I didn't know what to expect. They took my hand and stretched it widely. I was lying on a metal bed that is cold. The next thing I know, they put some anesthetic through my veins and at the same time, the nurse gave me the oxygen mask thingy for me to breathe into it and I'm gone for about an hour or so, and when I woke up, I could feel like there's a bruise on my right stomach. The surgery was done, and I saw my mom while they sent me back to the ward. I slept and slept and of course, I played with my phone a lot after that. Haha.

Dramatic kah? Well, kang tak drama bosan pulak. HAHAHA. Anyway, I still don't see the 'hikmah' behind all of these. I mean, behind why everything happened the way that they did, but hey, that is behind my control and I am not mad, nor I am angry. It's better to do it here, rather than having my appendix explode in another country far far away and my parents are not around.

So, now I am left with some medications that I can't wait to take everyday and I am recovering, day by day. Thank you to those who visited and all the well wishers. Thank you to my friends and family and mostly, my parents and adek ;) I don't know what I'd do without you and mostly, I am thankful that all of these are happening while I am on semester break. Alhamdulillah ;)

Be it in bold, or whatever.

You know when you are studying, reading some educational books, sitting in class, or doing things that we don't like, you would say to yourself, 'I'd do anything just to sleep right now, and when it's the holidays, I'd sleep and sleep all day long'. Baammmm! Here comes the holidays, no one is actually sleeping eh? Suddenly, sleeping becomes boring and dull, and you'd do anything to not lay your head on the pillow and rest for the day. I like holidays, and I'm glad it has only been a week of it. Don't go away too fast holidays. I am enjoying you ;)

oh, by the way. All the kittens ( Adam, Jasmin, Aiman and Athirah) came back last night after they were found by their mother. Thank God ;)

and, Happy Teacher's Day to all the wonderful teachers in the world but of course, to my Addmaths teacher, who brought me to life. I love you, Addmaths teacher.

Khoo Cheng and Cat.

Everyone around me knows I don't like animals. I mean, I have no mushy-mushy feelings for them. I see them around, that's it. I wouldn't go and touch them. We have never had a pet in our house, until someone gave a little kitten for my mom to take care of it for a while. After some time, I think mom refused to give it away so, she kept it with her. For one moment, if you look at how she treats the cat, you might think that she loves the cat more that she loves us, the kids. Haha. She dotes on the cat, excessively. But, I guess later on, everyone fell in love with the cat. I think this is a miracle for me, because I don't like cats. Period. There was this one time, we wanted to go to Sea World, and right before we went in, I found out that Sea World is like a mini zoo, with lots of animals. I texted my mom, thousands of miles away to ask her, do I really have to go to Sea World then, if it's all about animals, which I don't like. Mom asked me to go along with it, so I did. But I rarely touch any animals, I think the penguins stink, and the dolphins are toooooo slimey for me to touch. Geli la. Btw, I've never been to the zoo. I can't find a reason to go there.

Anyway, our cat is big now. He is such a tame little cat, that I don't think he knows how to cross the road or even knows how to 'meow'. Told ya, mom dotes on this particular cat. He might be a tame cat, but that does not change the nature of a cat. She met with a female cat, and did what other cats do, and the female cat got pregnant. Mom thinks that, it is her responsibility to take care of the female cat, since she got pregnant, by our cat. Haha. Later on, the female cat gave birth to 4 little kittens. Of course, mom took care of it like it was her 4 children. She wanted to name them, Adam, Jasmin, Aiman and Athirah. Haha. But out of those 4 kittens, there's only one girl and unfortunately, I gave her the name of Kaka. Don't ask me why Kaka. I've always wanted to name something, Kaka. Something. A pillow pon boleh.

Long story short, one day, another kitten was at the font porch, wanting some food. Mom took care of that one as well. One morning, she found the kitten stuck with the mice trap. The mice trap was in the form of black glue. So, imagine the little cat had glue all around her. Feels like bubble gum, stuck in your hair. That's how it was. Mom took care of the cat, and put that one tiny kitten inside those 4 kittens' cage. I guess, the others felt jealous and they went for a walk and they never came back.............................................................................

Or, probably, someone snatched them away. It has been 24 hours since we found out that they were gone. I didn't know that I would actually feel something when they are gone. The house is a bit quiet. No little kittens playing around, but I really pity my mom. She keeps on shouting, "Babiesssssssss......." at the backyard, waiting for the kittens to come back, even the female kitten, is screaming and looking for her off springs.

I like cats, I am watching Korea, now, what else? Am I turning into someone else? Probably, after this, I'll eat mayonnaise from the jar. Yucks.

Normal.

What is normal? Can anyone define the word normal? Because right now, everything seems to be too normal, I can't differentiate what is normal or not,anymore.

Luckily memory can't easily be erased.

Just as I was about to type something, I heard a baby's voice, crying. I stopped writing and I had to think whether we have a baby or not in this house. We have baby cats/kittens and that's it. Okay, it is my neighbour's kid. So, now I can continue typing, un-scarily. Is there such word?

I am alone, downstairs, consuming little air from such big space. It is dark outside, pitch black. I should sleep because I need to run errands for myself tomorrow but my body refused to move, even an inch. So, here I am typing and describing every motion that I could capture. These keyboards hold little alphabets that can be combined into meaningful words but on what purpose shall I combine it to be? I feel like writing about so much, but only so much can be written about. I browse through the internet a lot. Finding good materials to read and finding good pictures to see. I like browsing through tumblr. Those pictures that they have in there, are worth a gazillion words. One picture brings one meaning, but with lots of emotions in it. There was a phase of my life, where I would look and stare into those pictures and trying to connect my life with the picture. I will find every possible story I could find within my own memory to make it seem like those pictures have my own story behind it. Truth be told, of course, those are not my picture. I still browse through tumblr, other people's tumblr. BUT now, I am lost. I don't understand those pictures anymore. I try, and I try my best to connect it to my own story but I failed. I can hardly understand those pictures. I guess it's a good thing? I assume it's a good thing.

You don't get what I am trying to say? I get what I am trying to say. That's the most important thing right? I, myself understand me. 85%, not 100%.

I'll continue this when I am in the mood. Goodnight ;)

Bilik tengah Beril.

Happy Holiday everyone! The holiday mood has been switched on, officially and I am happy but as long as my body has not reached Alor Star, I am not living in peace. I sat for my last paper yesterday and that paper was 87942834564238756874574. That is sort of cursing, numerically. Enough of educational stuff. WE SHOULD START ENJOYING OURSELVES !

I've enough plans this holiday to keep me occupied. I don't know whether Mom has got any weddings or not. I don't know when is school holiday. I know that not many people will be in Alor Star but that will not stop me for going back. BUT, I will be home for only a while, more like 10days, before I rush back to KL for a 'thing'.

Anyway, holidays would be just awesome because no books will be touched and I will start making love to my laptop and I have a confession to make. I just started a new obsession. A new obsession yang macam penah cakap kat diri sendiri takkan suka punyalah, then tertengok sket pastu telekat, pastu TERCARI kat youtube, pastu curious, TERGOOGLE pulak, pastu cam tak sabar nak tengok next week punya episode plak. HADOIH! Having a new obsession is tiring. Okaylah. tak la mcm obsession, more like, liking it.

Having a new thing to like is fine with me, but the thing that I like, that I am watching now tu hah yang?!!!!!! OMG! Senang cta mcm ni lah, sorry bilik tgh, aku ter-betray korang. HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Mother.

The one person that brought me into the world. The one person that fed me with her milk. The one person that cleans me up well. The one person that don't complain. The one person that listens. The one person that reads me like a book. The one person that grants my every wishes. The one person that tells me to work harder. The one person that I turn to despite everything. The one person that scolds me hard. The one person that can make me cry. The one person that I love so much.

My most greatest, most awesome, most prettiest super mom!
Happy Mother's Day.
I love you to infinity and beyond.

I wanna fall like this.

And I adore them both, in reality and in fictions.
Seven more days from now.
I shall be patient and wait.
Love Love Love.

#1 Half way.

Even in dark hours like this, never has that one crucial moment slipped from my mind.
It's a concious thought made with zero effort.
I slept with it, and woke up with it.
Even if I stayed up all night, I would still stay awake with the thought of it, at the back of my mind.
Time flies and I should grow up with it.
When the clock hits 12am, I'm older by a day when the 24 hour is up.

Karma.

You know the word KARMA ? Well, I think I just experienced it first hand. Let's not talk about the wide scope of KARMA, because then, we have to go deeper into big big topics like, love and all. I want to talk about karma in life. You know how I love to sleep in class? No, I am not exaggerating when I say I love to sleep in class. I do sleep in class up to the point where, when I wake up from my "power nap" I'll be fresh with mata merah ad marks and lines across my face. I literally sleep through out the class. It's not that I don't respect the lecturers in front, but I just can't help it. The minute they started talking, I started yawning and slowly, I will fall flat on the table and sometimes when I wake up, I can even say "Eh tadi mimpi apa eh?" Haha. Okay, now I sound rude, just plainly rude. But actually, it depends on the lecturer. I don't dare to sleep in my Financial Management class ever, EVER because if I go off wandering, even for a second, Puan Maf yang cantik tu bole detect "Jasmin, berangan eh?" HAHAHAHA Okay, rasanya tak penah kena lagi la berangan tu, tp psal tido definitely la.

Okay okay, back to my main point pasal Karma. I basically slept my way through my Taxation class. Eh chup, Advanced Taxation class. Advanced tu penting. SUSAH LA PULAK KAN! So, I think I got my balasan tadi, when I've studied hard for my paper, then when I wanted to write, I couldn't remember a single thing. Damn it and of course, all the things that I've been doing all this while came rushing back ''-" Sorry Puan. Hehe. So, my conclusion is, don't sleep in class, even when the lecturer is singing you a lullaby. I'll try to stay awake next semester. Yes, next semester but every time during finals, phrases like that usually come out and it ends there. Period. It ends there. Next semester buat lagi. Haha. Tinggal 2 semester je dalam class. Yahoooo! But people kept on saying cherish your university life. I am cherishing it, can't you see? Uhhuhh.

Haa ni la sebab tak le jawab tax. Sekian.

French Vanilla with choc chips and strawberry on top.

I used to have so much words trapped inside of me, waiting for it's time to burst out. I still have plenty of things to say, just that I don't feel like letting it out because the things that I want to say, are not important, nor significant enough that it will change anyone's life. If i were to write things that I don't really mean, then I feel like I am lying to myself, but if I were to write the whole load of truth here, others would make assumption. So, it's better not to write and just leave these pages empty. I used to not have to turn to pictures to explain the things that I needed to say, but now, pictures play an important role for my visual aids here. You can tell uh, I have nothing much to write here. Loads of things are happening right now, but probably not happening enough to be mentioned here.

But for those things that I don't mention here, doesn't mean its gone. It is buried deep down inside and it got lost along the way. 'Mom must be pissed about this if she can truly read between the lines'

These past few days have thought me a lot and the biggest lesson I've learned is that,

I truly know what I need but I don't know whether that's what I want or not. I need, not want.

Ps 1 : IRB? Hello? IRB? Stop messing with my life.
Ps 2 : Just the thought of you, annoys me.

2 down, 4 more to go.

I am supposed to be studying IBM or Law right now, but I managed to squeeze in some time for One Tree Hill just now, Gossip Girl later, and now, I might want to watch Beauty and the Briefcase. It's Hilary Duff. I have to watch it, or else. Or else, I won't be in peace.

As usual, One Tree Hill left me wandering hard. I kept thinking as if they are apart of my life. It's not like Julian and Brooke would walk in through my reality door, but they definitely made it through my invisible back door. The feeling that I get from watching that show, is priceless.

Anyway, I am left with 4 papers and then, I'll be done for my finals and that will a wrap for my Semester 5 and jumping on to my sixth semester. God, I feel old. I'll be done with my studies in one and a half years. Gahhh.

Erase that thought and let's jump to another one.

I am rushing now to go watch my movie.

Bye. I miss my trip to the mall lah.

Clear the air.

Sometimes I can't stop thinking about it.
Sometimes I don't get it.
Sometimes I just don't see the point of doing it.

But of course,

I want to have it.
I think I need it.
I want it, later.

I want lempeng pisang, with nutella and peanut butter.
Yes, I've been talking about food a bit too much and the results have been showing, physically.
Damn it.
Broke my...................... again, then maybe I can lose some weight. HAHA

Thanks for the confirmation.

I've been waking up early lately, and as always, I have a mission. For instance, I wanted to study today. Look at what I am doing now. This is not included in the syllabus.

I think, I may have run out of the lists I want to talk about. I could talk about anything but I want to talk about something else. It's like, whatever that I am feeling now, cannot be described by words. Words are usually enough to sum up what I am feeling but not today, or for the past few weeks. I've been living my life day to day, taking it slowly, one step at a time. I've been pressured to get into something and lately, I think I've been so stressed up about it. I just can't stop thinking about it but, yesterday something happened. I'd take it as a sign. A good sign for me, a bad thing for you. The story behind it is, be calm, be patient and take it slowly. Sure I will.

Just like now, be calm, be patient. The books are not going anywhere. Read it a page at a time.

What date is today?
17th of April.

Right, a month to go from now.

If only, One Tree Hill is a book.

I don't know how I'm gonna cope when you guys are officially done with Season 7. We, the fans can only try so hard, support continuously and rally online, but I guess when the official words come out, from CW then we have to accept it. I will miss you guys so much. I'm getting choked up, just writing this.

It's time.

“Most of our life is a series of images. They pass us by like towns on the highway. But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens and we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever.”

First Mover, I ain't one of em.

I'm in the middle of doing my take home test and my brain went blank. You see, it's not easy to write something that you have zero knowledge about. Zero, as in zero. Nadaa. It is something factual, something that you can't just write, for the sake of writing. It must be supported by facts. I don't know the facts and I don't know the story. I want to lie and create something out of it, but clearly the question stated, REAL LIFE STORY. I want to BBM Tony Fernandez and ask him, "Are you the first mover for low cost carrier in Malaysia, or Asia?" The problem is, I don't have his Pin Number.

Gosh, I wish I can just write about anything I want. I'll write about things that I need in life. Epul gave me this idea. I have planned the rest of my life out but sometimes, they don't go the way I planned it to be. Of course, that's not a surprise.

Just one of the things I don't plan is, sitting here,trying to come out with superb sentences to impress my young lecturer that we, the Part 5 students of Accountancy are matured enough to write such papers. Bleargh.

Pointless.

I saw a light in front of me,
I went towards the light.

I saw an ice cream in front of me,
I went towards the ice cream.

I saw a cute chubby baby in front of me,
I went towards the baby.

I saw an interesting book in front of me,
I went towards the book.

I saw a beautiful dress in front of me,
I went towards the dress.

I saw a comfortable bed in front of me,
I went towards the bed.

I saw the future in front of me,
I went to the past.

I went backwards and didn't see a bus behind me,
I got hit by the bus.

By the way, it is a yellow school bus.

OPEC wth?

Good Morning everyone !

I want to say how lovely it is today, in Alostar, but instead, I should say, Oh God, it is so hot here in Alostar. Just triple up the heat in wherever you guys are and I bet, you still can't beat the heat here. I took a short nap at around 3pm yesterday, and woke up with my hair wet and no, it's not because my hair is too big that it can trap more heat or anything. Kedah is so freaking hot okay.

I'm back at home because Mom asked me to come back and help out for one wedding and one engagement. Haidar's wedding that is, and my neighbour's engagement. Both are 25 years old. When will brother get married eh?

As usual, , my work is still lining up, waiting for me to finish em up. But, because of Facebook, Twitter, browsing through tumblr, watching Youtube, they will always be delayed. Oh well, assignments about OPEC? Apekah?! Tak interesting.

So kesimpulannya, if nak buat kerja jgn bukak internet. PFTTT impossible la kan. I need to mop the house now. I am willing to do it, RATHER THAN DOING MY ASSIGNMENTS ABOUT THE FUNCTIONS OF OPEC!

A + K

Bak kata orang jawa, apa tu, mengundang-ngundang?

YA, GAMBAR NI MEMANG MENGUNDANG-NGUNDANG!
COMELNYA, COMEL SANGAT! MACAM TENGAH MINTAK SOMETHING.
NAK APA SAYANG?

Pancakes & Steaks

For someone who has been craving for hot pancakes and maple syrup, this is good.
I've been having intense food craving session lately.
I dreamed about pancakes right before I go to sleep the other day.
Right before dinner on Thursday, I craved for cheese tart.
Before all that, it was Kinder Bueno white.
All of these are kinda easy to look for, the hard ones are like when I want steak, aglio olio spagetti and fajitas.

Alright, I gotta start saving now and eat cheap food like Nasi Goreng Kampung everyday,
if I want to go eat Pancakes with Golden Syrup with someone ;)

They just know.

No one knows what goes inside your head,
even when you try to explain it
using the most simplest word,
using a gazillion words,
using pictures,
using signals,
using colours to describe them,
using what ever language you can ever think of, or
using anything for that matter

but,

to find a person that knows what actually is in your little brain, would be awesome eh?
And that person is not your own mother, of course.
Just that one person who can tell you what you are thinking, without having to guess because they know.

They just know.

Quick Updates

What goes on in a life of a student?

I say, we study, study and study.
Is all that we should do?
I know that's what I have been doing for the past 3 weeks, non stop ( more or less )
I am doing all of this, with the concrete idea that everything is for the future use.
I am letting go my social life, for a while until the final ends.
Well, I am still up for mamak for a short hang out (still dah lama tak buat)
I miss going to the malls without having any time constraint.
I miss my nap time.
I miss reading some nice story books.
I miss having all the spare time in the world.

I just miss ME TIME ''-"

Ada test esok.

We create conversations every single day. Most of them are just some little small talks, some of them are real meaningful dialogues and some are just chats created to fill up gaps in between time. To talk when the lecturer is talking is the best time. That is when everything keeps on flowing like some significant agenda that can’t be kept till it’s the end of the class. To have pillow talk before you go to sleep is like pouring your heart out in your poor little diary and the outcome of it is just so satisfying and it brings tranquility before you go to sleep ( but sometimes it depends on the person that you are talking to) . To talk in the car while driving with your friends is just one of the things that will you miss when you sit in the car alone, driving to an unknown place. To talk with your parents, about serious matter is like taking a step ahead in your adulthood and it brings you comfort at the same time. Most of the time when you talk, you just simply forget what you just said. But some of the simple usual conversations will get stuck in your head for a while for several reasons.

I had plenty of simple conversations that I can't forget but one of the simplest one is with my dear friend, Izzah. She BBM-ed me, asking me if I was free for a late hangout, but I had to decline since my parents were in town. I said casually, " Sorry babe. Can't make it. My parents are around this weekend. Really sorry, " and all she said was " Don't be. Its okay,"

Oh well, maybe you get it, or maybe you don't. I said sorry, and she simply said don't be. A short reply but I think she meant it, sincerely. True enough, it's like don't be sorry for the things that you can't alter, for the things that you can't change. The subject of Sorry has been in my blogs countless times and for this is not one of THAT kind of sorry.

I have a test on Capital Structure and Adjusted Present Value for my management accounting paper. It's a mixture of calculation and reading. I adore the calculation, I despise the reading part. I wish I can say Sorry to my Lecturer for not studying hard enough for her paper. Pfttt, you guys don't know my Management Accounting lecturer. Do you know my mom, Mak Noni? teacher Noni? They are from the same breed. Haha.

I like to talk. No doubt. But I don't like failing. Okay lah, I miss blogging. That's all. Bye. Buku panggil. Tebayang bayang muka lecturer MAF tu. Ish ish ish dan ish.

Again.

It is raining heavily outside, and yet, it is so hot and heaty inside.

Today is just one of the days that I woke up late but still able to make it on time to my morning class,

got out of class late but still made it on time to reach home on time for my lunch nap,

woke up late from my lunch nap but still made it on time for my evening class,

and

everything just fits perfectly but I feel something missing.

Like there is a reason for me not to smile widely,

like there is a reason for me not to laugh whole-heartedly,

like there is a reason for me not to eat fully,

like there is a reason for me not to think righteously,

My instinct is one of those things that doesn't betray me, nor lie to me. Just that sometimes, it can exaggerate things, a bit.

But for today, my instinct tells me not to go eat at Restoran Nasi Lemak Cinta Sayang again.

Nerve wrecking.

To flip a new book is hard but to be able to attempt is actually good enough.

One thing is already complicated, why make it more complicated?

If only I can untangle it, I would.

If only I have the courage to do it, I would.

If only I have the guts and nerves to do it, I would.