Why am I smiling?

I am leaving for a short trip to KL to visit my family and Eva and Elan, the new baby brother are here so YIPPIEEEE! And I will leave all of these for a week and if I am lucky enough, I might want to watch New Moon again. But one thing for sure, I will not forget to watch One Tree Hill when it airs tomorrow. I felt so lonely without them. Haha. I know I will miss my friends here in Alor Star, especially tekong, Nana. Hehe. So, Have a great week ahead guys.



Just incase if you guys happen to stumble upon Hannah's blog and read the post where she said something about Julian, here it is. Hehe. I can't get enough of him. The one on the right, with current beau, Sophia Bush <3

Adios! I'm coming to bite you, Vava!

I’m a good liar, Bella. I have to be.

Did I watch it? Silly question to ask. Yes, I did. Once but I might want to add to that because, I loved it! I feel like meeting the Mr Director himself, Chris Weitz and pat him a little on the back and say, " Ahhh well done. Finally, you captured the chemistry and the strong love connection between Bella and Edward." The movie is slow, needless to say and a bit dark but when I read it, that was how I imagined it to be, so it acceptable. When Bella says, it's like there's a hole im my chest and the next scene showed her scream while she sleeps, that is a bit disturbing because, it is true. Sometimes, when your heartaches so badly, that's all you want to do. Just scream your lungs out. Haha. Nicely done. Message delivered. Point taken. Haha. This is a cute picture don't you think? Kristen Stewart is stunningly beautiful and Jacob, was always shirtless and Edward was hardly in the movie but overall, I liked it.

When I went to watch the movie, most girls, I mean three quarter of the girls were wearing this very eye-catching tee. But I was too shy to ask them where they got them. So, I just watched those girls, wore it proudly, with envy. But later, when I went out from the cinema, a bunch of people were selling it and so, I had the chance to buy it. It says, I love Edward and Athirah bought, I love Jacob. Hehe. I am, of course, very happy but the t-shirt had only size S left. I bought it anyway. Haha. 11-0

The Opposite of A Politician's View.

A million rupiah worth of shopping trip, long family trip car rides across Jakarta’s busy traffic, a funny Indonesian driver named Ogy, end of the waiting for the best durian ice cream in the world, food poisoning, a little sister that covered your ass up, and a fake smile, and still, it doesn’t stop your mother to know that your heart is ill.

End of the year holidays, awkward fights, Tasek Darulaman, loving friends, caring family, Pak Tuan restaurant, weird YM conversations, and a scratched heart.

Classes from 8.30am till 6.00pm, tones of assignments and presentations covering up till your nose, tests and quizzes that you can barely make it and a couple of annoying guards didn’t ease up the situation.

Wendy’s, a special day spent in Sunway Pyramid , a wandering mind and a wild soul detached from the body, a phone call from KLIA, voices of a heart shattered into pieces, and a lonely night spent at Lilin with millions of unanswered questions.

An exhausted mind, a tiring and sweaty body and a weak soul, that’s all ever were.

Long pillow talks with friends, cousin even brothers and sisters, long sour YM conversations, long unnecessary meetings, and long conversations.

A speech from mother, Mamak stall, a sofa, clinics, medicines, car rides and still, long lectures and speeches from mother, that is now all priceless.

A plane ticket, Heathrow Airport, the company of an 18 year old brother, London Bridge, Colindale, a fake Miley Cyrus and Brad Pitt, lunch with Shakirah, Bayswater, cold dry weather, early wake up call, Facebook quizzes, YM conversations, tubes, Vava, best crepe ever from Hampstead, Gap tshirt, key chains, Snickers, three guys from the Jonas brothers and a mere thought in mind that holidays can mend a broken heart and proven by a solid case, it was only for short term purposes.

A black bubble dress, college, a fortune worth of pearls, few cameras, walking down the stairs, Audit class at 8.30am, a Mcdonald meal, millions of pictures, some keys and a late night trip to a beautiful place in Malaysia, made it worst.

Out of all these things, not a single drop of tears. Funny.

So, it is true, what doesn’t kill you, will only make you stronger.

But from all of these turns of events, not only did it make me stronger but it created a monster out of me.

A green eyed monster that I never knew I had within me.

However, how I wish that the monster is not easily tamed down when the hardest five letter word is being said, endlessly like the rain that has been pouring down nonstop right now.

Even when the level of sincerity is in doubt, this stupid green-eyed monster caved in and believed it anyway...

And this is how the opponent of the crappy politician viewed things for the past 365 days.

a tight slap on the face II

I know I posted something earlier and I decided to delete it and just save it as draft because the words are just too sentimental. Haha. Yes, even for me, those words were too much because it was the awful truth. Just something that I found from my dear friend's tumblr, Izzah. Go explore her tumblr, peeps. It's a nice one. I've been browsing through all the other tumblrs and I found some very interesting quotes. It is those inspirational words that help us, the weak ones here get through our daily routines or at least, help to get us out of the bed on days that we feel like sleeping in and just cover our face with those comfy comforters. I am not sure whether it is healthy or not but hey, if it makes you stay on the right track, then, it should be good right. But the bad side of it, is that those words make you feel like there's hope when actually, in reality there's none. NONE. So, the picture above is just a random one to replace the deleted one. Read it, but make no judgements will you? Just a random one. *uhhuh*

Someone asked me a question the other night, and it was regarding the thing that I have always wanted and I found my self answering those questions, EXCITEDLY. Still, I am still excited about it even when I know, I am doomed to stay here, for good. I envy those who can achieve what they want and where they want it to be. I still do but in a good way. Mom asked me today, 'Is this what you really want?' Truth is, will there be any correct answer to it? What I am doing now, is not a dream of mine but I have to admit, I actually do like it. It never was and I still don't know if it will ever be but like I said, at least I am on the right track. In fact, it is even a faster track. Honestly, I like what I am doing now. I am doing this for me but given a choice, I want to do it, elsewhere. That's the thing. I can't say it out loud. I will break their hearts. My dreams, to them, are a burden. The one thing that I have learned so much this year are, patience and sincerity. Be patient and be sincere, it'll get you very far. I am being so patient that I am pushing all my dreams away. Things have been perfectly laid out for us and I believe there will be some of those good left-overs for me. BUT, I don't want to hope, hope and hope and get crushed later in life. I've went through it before, in other scenarios and it is not something that you would want to go through again, even when you are given all the money in the world.

woohoooo!

Wake up. Tonyoh mata. Check hand phone. Gosok gigi. Basuh muka. Pakai contact lens. Turun bawah cari makanan. Look for mom. Go upstairs. Start cleaning upstairs. Tengok tv. Switch on your laptop. Play some games on FB. Mama panggil. Go down. Help with the hantaran. Kemas bawah. Kemas atas. Kemas bawah. Kemas atas. Find food for lunch. Tolong hantaran lagi. Tv. Online. Play with Khoo Cheng. Tido. Kluar makan ngan kawan. Ohh, semayang. Haha. Balik before maghrib. Buat lesen. Hantar barang pegi post office. Go out with mom. Buat kek batik. Tolong buat hantaran lagi. Makan. Makan. Makan. TIDOOOOOOOO.........................................and One Tree Hill.

Activity for the first week of my holiday. Heaven. See, I don't see the word Book in there and I am happy.


ps : ;))

Always and Almost Forever

When I was smaller, I wanted to grow up fast,
Now that I am already a grown up, I want to rewind the time back,
Because things are much more simpler back then,
I was a kid,
Not that things are that rough for me now,
But they are not how I planned it to be,
I don't intend on it to be perfect,
But maybe, time could slow down a bit.
Let me take a chance to breathe in and breathe out a bit.
Mostly, everyone that I need is here but
Why does it feel like one more spot needs to be filled in?
I don't see the rainbow,,
I don't see the sun anymore,
I only see the rain.
Every single day.

I bet it's the rain that has been changing my rhythm for the day.
Rain, rain, please go away.
Me and my friends, we want to play.
But when it rains, the fun got taken away.

My 1st

Hello People of The World,

Today was fun. I woke up at 1pm. Okay, that's not new for me. In fact, it has been a routine. A routine that I should try to change from now on. That's why we plan to go for breakfast early in the morning tomorrow. WE TRY. Haha. Apart from that, I went out with a few of my friends today for a catching up session.

Anyways, that's not the fun part. Since I am apart of Noni's Creation, naturally, I am back to work for my boss, Mother! My mom is almost retiring from the business and I think she wants me to take over, but unfortunately, I don't have such talent. Nak buat hantaran? I don't think so. The most that I can do is just make some ribbons with different sizes. An inch, half an inch, and that's it. Oh yeah, I can also panjat panjat and pasang pasang like arch and stuffs but that's about it. So tonight, mom kinda passed the torch to me and I did mostly everything. Basically it's nothing. But I like it when I feel like FINALLY, I AM HELPFUL AROUND HER. Since she said I have been doing nothing but going online, eat and sleep. Haha. True enough but what else is there to do?

Here's a proof :


AND this is the end result :

HAHAHA TIPU JAAA!

I set up a bedroom, not a pelamin. Haha. This is from another wedding which I don't know who. But you get what I am saying right. I can do these things, just not the small little details like hantaran. Here's a glimpse of my mom's hantaran.
Promote - promote. Hehe


Just incase, if anyone of you nak kawen, just text me, or email me, jasmine_dunc@yahoo.com but I hardly open my email la. comment je laaa.

And, another thing happened today. There was a road block kat Jalan Stadium and for the first time, the JPJ guy asked me to stop by the road side and asked for my license. Here's the thing. Today is my last day being a P driver. Haha. So, the JPJ guy said, 'Oh, esok boleh buang P la kan?' And I just smiled and he gave me back my P license. Haha. Happy pulak kna tahan ngn JPJ. Haha. Okay. Poyo jap but it seemed ironic for me to be going through it on my last day of my P period. There's always a first for everything right, so there you go. Heeee ;)

Aaaa, that's it for today. It was a nice happy day until I knew that One Tree Hill will not be aired next week. Hmmm, why why why!?? WHY CBS!

It's about time

Let's just say that holidays are boring if your friends are not here. I've got a few to keep me companies but not all of them and of course, you need em all. So I am patiently waiting for everyone to come back and roll on the routines. Now, I do nothing but go online, while cooking lunch, while sweeping the upstairs floor and watch E! Zakian is going back to shah alam tomorrow and we still haven't done our routine walk-around-the-neighbourhood-while-drinking-can-drinks. Haha. We do that pretty often huh. We still have tomorrow to execute our plan.

Other than that, I just got back from a funeral. I didn't want to blog about it but then I realised that life is not all about fun, love and laughter. Its more than that. We go to weddings and we feel happy because its a happy celebration and I guess that we go to funerals and everyone is sad because it is a sad situation to lose someone that you love, that you depend on, emotionally, physically and financially. You don't anticipate death but you know it'll happen to all of us, it's just a matter of time. What saddens me the most is that the girl that lost his father is my junior, the wife that just lost his dear husband is mom's close friend and colleague. My junior will be taking her SPM in 2 days time. How do you concentrate on your SPM when you just when through a devastating period of your life?

And so, life is truly not just about the fun part. Cancer runs in my family. Its not a new thing. From my mother's side, it is cancer and from my father's side, they have a weak heart. Not metaphorically, I mean, literally. Your heart won't pump the blood to all of your body parts or something like that. Is it scary? Yes, yes it is. I lost my grandfather to that condition. So, as much as we take care of our health, it all depends on our body, genetically. I think so. Or perhaps, exercise might help and not eating chicken wings late at night will do also. Heeeeee ;P

That's it for today. Someone asked me to update my blog, frequently, now that I am on a holiday. Will try but when I have nothing much to say, I'd rather not blog because my hands will type something that is not in my list of things to do but clearly, it is in my sub-concious mind. HAHA.

Al-Fatihah. Condolences to Cikgu Kartina and family.

ps : my sub-concious mind works brilliantly. If not, how can I say the word eternity when I am actually asleep? Haha.

But, Or, And, Maybe

Either way, however I try to beat this thing,
I will still not be satisfied with the answer.


or at least the solutions that I have running inside my head.


this has got nothing to do with One Tree Hill.

Lucas is just so sweeeeeet.
* I secretly think that Lucas is Jamie's father*

That is GONE now.

I have always had this one feeling that always made me feel better. A few weeks ago, during the finals, this feeling vanished and I went back to trace it down, but nadaaa. It was gone. I waited for it to come back, I really did but of course, nothing could be found. The thing is, if the feeling is gone, another feeling comes along and I hate the new feeling. It is known as 'waiting'. With the old feeling, I knew that things will fall into place, sooner or later. Hence, I don't have to wait. I never knew that I was holding on to the feeling so much because all this while, I did nothing but trusted my guts and they were awesome. I am not good in dealing with uncertainties. I bet no one likes it. You can't do much about it. I have been taught that when you deal with uncertainty, apply the prudence concept but tell me one thing, how do you get your heart to act prudently? You can't, can't you? But now...... I need to clean up my room. Or at least take a shower and sort everything out later. It's not like things will change anytime soon pon, even when you said you want to change it.

I am not gonna do it la.

I am finally at home after 2 months since Hari Raya.

I have been wanting to do a Holiday list but I can't figure out what is it that I really want to do.
Truth be told, I'd rather work.
I want to work at a fact food chain.
Want je la, but my holidays have always been conquered by all the family obligations.
Work apekebendanya kan.

So, I guess I should just spend some quality time with my family and friends.
So what will be our activity for now, dear friends?

1. Makan dekat Pak Tuan.
2. Makan dekat Mama.
3. Makan dekat depan PKNK.
4. Makan dekat Nurha.
5. Makan rojak.
6. Makan lagi?
7. Breakfast kat kopitiam

1. Jogging.
2. Swimming (swimming suit hilang laaaaaaa)
3. Lepak kat CP, Pacific??!! hmmm.
lagi?
haha

There's no real acitivity actually.
Trust me.
I'd still have fun.
First plan for today,
Jumpa Zakian yang macam dah berjam jam tak jmpa.

haha.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS GUYS!

The Edge

I was fine during the study sessions of the other five subjects and YOU came right in the middle of the last subject, the paper that I hated most, and the one that I needed all my concentration and focus for. YOU took it away, just like that. There I was, sitting in front of the book, reading a single simple line and I can't seem to understand what is it that I am reading.

I MISS YOU.
God, that felt weird.
Ingat kan dah hilang.
I guess, not yet.

Natural Possesion.

I have given it a thought and I am serious about this. I have never been this serious. I know this is for the best, and I thought about it, while considering everyone's interest, and not just mine. I shouldn't be selfish and I know, others will disagree but I have made my decision. No, I am not getting married tomorrow. Takde calon lagi. Haha.

Please don't give me negative feedback on these matter. I know Mom will agree. Dad, he wouldn't care as much. He is the reason, why I have IT. So, I have made my decision and this is final.

I want to straighten my hair, after this finals. Reasons being are :

1. I am scared to look at the mirror after waking up in the morning, if I can't find my scrunchy.
2. I am tired of people making fun of my hair.
3. Sometimes, I think it is hard for me, to manage my own hair. Besar sgt, ssah nak ikat.
4. To take care of this massive curly hair, is quite expensive. The only hair serum that fits nowadays, can only be bought in the United Kingdom and it is an Australian brand. Perhaps, I can buy it from Australia, but I have not reached Down Under, so I have no clue.
5. I poor those who have to play with my hair, when I am tired of studying or I need to sleep, fast.

I think that's it for now.

BUT,

Someone said that if I were to straighten my hair, or re-bond it, I will look like a Vietnamese, or for a matter of fact, she said that those yang straighten tu mmg nampak cam orang Vietnam. HAHAHA. funny, so for the longest time in my Secondary years, I looked like a Vietnamese laaa??!!! hahahaha.

tak macam orang vietnam pon. cantek je. HAHAHAHAHAH
since I rarely get to see my head, with this straight hair,
I am kinda vain when I have it.

Nah, I was just teasing. I heart my curly locks. I do, want to have straight hair, most of the times but some people would kill to have my hair, or not?! haha. i know I'd kill to have those straight shiny hair. haha. but thanks to my father, I have this curly hair. Haha.

With my curly hair, I get to getaway with many things. For example, urm.

1. I can wear a Fedora hat and nampak mcm Indie. wakakakkaka nak muntah.
2. I can curl it , even more.
3. I can ask my hair player, eg, aloyah, salmi, lzr, lynn, pah, elisha, and more to play with it, even more. But the one that I remember most is Yana. Babe, you once played with my hair till I fall asleep hard until the next morning and I could still remember because we were supposed to study for Law 346 that night and of course, I did not. haha.


But guys, just so you know, when you guys play with my hair, when I am in the shower, shampooing my hair, it'll take at least, 10 minutes for me to untangle it but please don't stop playing. hehe. I love it, every minute of you guys playing with my hair.

if straight, mane bole buat cam ni kan. haha.
pah buat tak cool sgt la. haha.

so, conclusion of this post:
I wish that I have straight hair
but I do not posses one, or many hairs for that matter.
Thus, I am thankful with my hair and I like the fact that I can go and blow dry it every
once in a while, and of course, people notice it.
I don't plan on admitting that my hair is naturally straight when of course, everyone knows
it is not.
haha.

fyi, K once touched my hair for a couple of times and he said
'Tak nak rebond mcm dalam Tv tu ke, Min?'
Haha. Probably if I were younger and stupider
and
still had that huge crush on him,
probably I would do it,
just to attract his attention.
But not anymore.

ps: I don't have many photos right now. I am using Lzr's laptop.
Thank you, Lzr for your service.
;)

one more, one more.

I have one more paper for my finals, and that is, Public Sector Accounting, PSA420. This is my first time taking this subject and I really hope that this is the last. I am not good in remembering the real actual facts from a book, line by line, word by word. I don't even read any book, that thoroughly. I skip a lot when I read. I'll just get to the best part, or at least the important part. I skip, A LOT, especially when there are figures. HAHA. Yes, I like figures. I really do, but when there are alone and not together with alphabets. I am weird. Yes. Haha.

I have 10 chapters to go. Malas is the only problem now, and ohh, lapar and ngantok. Not a good combination. Everyone is asleep now. I think I should too. Arrrr, I am patiently waiting for One Tree Hill episode 9. Dira, all the scenes of Julian and Brooke is sweet, not like 500 days of Summer. haha. I bukan anti, i was just expecting for more and all I got was, "This is it?" Haihhh, you need to come up with moreeeeeee this days to impress me or just slap me with some Julian. Hahah.

Speaking of JB, they are dating, for real ;)

ps : finals will be done in less than 72 hours.
after that, it's payback time.
I will go online till I am half blind.
Haha.

pretty please

i am running out of ideas already,
i can't wait for my finals to end,
i can't wait to go home with Kak Chom,
i miss home, dearly,
i miss hannah,
i miss talking to hannah,
i miss Melati,
i miss playing the internet 24/7,
i miss just doing nothing,
i miss khoo cheng,
i miss my car,
i miss classes,
i miss beril's people,( no, tak payah nak terharu sbb i am not saying it to make you guys feel teharu, i am saying it just because i want to say it)
i miss my bed,
i miss che ah,
i miss sleeping in class,
i miss sunway,
i miss YM-ing,
i miss sleeping properly with no time constraints,
i miss VAVA,
i miss my little sister and brother,
i miss watching lizzie mcguire,
i miss the simple life,
i miss my life there,
i miss my PLKN moments,
i.
am.
hurt.
by.
a.
single.
simple.
comment.

calling for my brain.

franco....

suddenly the word appeared in my mind. what is franco? I don't know. james franco maybe, since his name was being said by Serena's boss, KC in Gossip Girl. Nevermind. Franco. Nathaniel. Haha.

ignore that.

extra note

feels like it has been like months since i last logged in. and the truth is, i don't feel like going online cause the last time that i did, i gained nothing but some awful truth. haha. no need to go back to all the history lessons. we had enough of that already. oh well, the finals are going great so far. 3 papers down and 3 more to go. the 3 papers down, really went down the drain. i can't answer most of the questions, the hall was bloody cold you can't even hold your pen properly, hence, you can't think properly. nothing has been going on other than studying, watching one tree hill, hanging out with closest friends, eating a bunch of food, not meeting any family members and tonnes of phone calls. this is what happens during finals. i miss home. i wonder how my room is like. i wonder how khoo cheng is doing. i miss my parents. i really do. i miss my annoying sister. i should be studying corporate governance but instead, im watching one tree hill ep8. i am so lazy nowadays, i shouldn't be complaining when the results come out later. sometimes, i need some kind of wicked motivation but i don't know where to find it. i can't promise myself another big trip that will cost a fortune. all i could think of, is the holidays. but what if i have to go through the same thing that happened during the last december holidays? i can't bear it anymore. the last holiday was so painful. in my book, history loves to repeat itself. so, i look forward to my holidays but i not that much, other than seeing my friendssss every single day and hour. haha. i should get back to my studies but i think i'll pass for now.

dont't take this post seriously. i am only scribbling things out, obviously.