27th of july.

Tell me a story, tell me a lullaby but don’t tell me a lie,

Tell me the truth, tell me the reality but don’t tell me to cry,

You were there with me yesterday and when I woke up today, you were gone.

Disappeared from my life without any goodbye.

So much for always being there for me, u lied.

We made up our own stories, our own fairytales and we even made up our own version of pretty endings.

An ugly saying and a messy play were never in the picture.

The photo I had of us both , was a perfect one.

Being in our own weird ways, still, we were very happy.

At least, back then that’s how I’ve always felt.

It felt right being with you, without having to understand why.

No further explanation needed on why we shall be together, always.

If ever you needed one before, you could have asked for it earlier but it didn’t occur before to you,

Neither did i.

Don’t put a brave face when I know you’re crippling inside.

Don’t tell me I don’t get you because you know I do.

And don’t , don’t you ever deny whatever that you are feeling now,

Because I know you’ll end up feeling sorry and regret because you know, you’ll end up hurting yourself and most importantly, you’re hurting me.

trade in with one of my AS trips.

if i have been complaining a lot lately, i apologize to those who have been listening to my whining.haha.my hormones are going up and down nowadays. its that time of the month.

but i think i've bounced back from my sorrowness. yesterday was i-wanna-go-to-us day. i swear it was because every little thing that i do reminds me of my fave past. god, i have more years to come in uitm. anyway, enough with the complaining , last week , i went back to ampang and celebrated my aunty's 69th birthday. happy birthday mak long! we ate at amy search's seafood restaurant and it was quite good.since we had the dinner our movie plan had to be cancelled*sobs sobs* the next day , first thing , i went to Midvalley at around 10AM.haha. we sort of helped to open the shops.hahah. bought our movie tickets * i watched im not single, alone* and then, we went to Kinko, the fish spa. hehe. it was FUN with a capital F. haha. a bit ticklish i would say especially for lynn but after a while it was a therapy session. so now, my feet are clean. i can lick it.hahaha. ok, that's disgusting. but the next day! i got my feet's dirty.

it was the accountancy day and mind you, it was pretty lame. i know this can be pretty offensive to those who have worked hard pulling it together but it's the truth. i bet most of us would have agreed because the deal is, if you're not part of the committee, then you'll feel left behind. i'm lucky enough to have my close friends in the committee but for others, they were bored. not much games to play and there were no proper food. hmm. like i said before, enough with the complaining jasmin anis, i had fun playing a few games like the war games was really fun but the waiting sucks. i guess its usual because we are dealing with people and well, human makes mistakes. pictures will be uploaded soon. we had face painting. haha. AFTAS ROCKS! no no, THE PEOPLE IN AFTAS ROCK! even the word aftas sounds better than abacs and apacs. haha. now im sounding like one of those who are racist. hehe. ohh yeah, earlier that day, i even won the congkak competition .haha. so now im ratu congkak for the faculty is it? hehe. i even got one of the lucky draw. so , overall, it was quite a fun day for me.

and to top of my weekend yesterday, my bestfriend called me again. just when i thought we had ended what we had, i got back one of my precious thing in life. haha. mcm emo plak. hehe.

oh yeah, one more thing before i forget, i won a date with the KAMI boys. it's gonna be on the 9th of august at the marmalade cafe in bangsar. haha. abu and ali!

survey lagik.

Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet?

for now, yes.haha.that biatch!

How do you flush the toilet in public?

using the urm ' flussher'

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?

yes.especially when im driving.safety ppl!

Do you have a crush on someone?

yes. i need to know his name first of all.

Name one thing you worry about running out of.

cash and love.

What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble?

i dunno. my late grandpa used to say i looked like vanida imran.HAHA

What is your favorite pizza topping?

spicy bilis and hawaian chicken.

Do you crack your knuckles?

yes.sometimes.

What song do you hate the most

hindi song.

Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head?

yes because somebody is singing it.

What are your super powers?

i wish i had one.to be invisible.

Peppermint or spearmint?

peppermint

Where are your car keys?

i wish i had a car.

Whose answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear?

ashton kutcher and hilary duff and bulan's.

What's your most annoying habit?

gigit kuku and i like people playing with my hair.

Where did you last go on vacation?

urm. i think it was the london trip.

What is your best physical feature?

my hair?

haha.

What CD is closest to you right now?

none.i'd like it if there's one tree hill or friend's cd here.

What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator?

water, eggs and milk for the cats.

What color are your bed sheets?

pink.

Would you rather be a fish or a bird?

a bird.fly away and away from here =)

Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive?

yes. i know, bad driver.

What are your favorite sayings?

have fun.life's short. as cliche as it sounds, its true.

What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower?

bleeding love.hahah

If you could go back or forward in time,where would you go?

go back la. april 3rd. forward in time, who am i marrying.hahaha.

What is your favorite Harrison Ford movie?

none.

What CD is in your stereo?

mixed songs.

What CD will be in your stereo in a few minutes?
chris brown's.

How many kids do you plan on having?

4.just like my sibs.

If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

kutcher's lips.

What do you do when no one is watching?

lots and lots of things. gigit more and more kuku.haha.

Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep?

peacefully in my sleep.

Coffee or Tea

coffee

Favorite musician(s)/bands you've seen in concert?

bsb and HILARY DUFF!

Have you ever been in love?

i think so.

Do you talk to yourself?

yes! therapeutic.

detention till semester break.

im in my third week and i still havent sit down and study like really really study. so far, all my classes are doing fine and i respect my Law240 lecturer very much. she's really funny and strict and seemed very highly educated. all the topics are new and it seemed very different. company accounts? gosssh. i wanted to go back to AS last weekend but i had this feeling someone might need my company for the weekend and my guts were right. so now, as my mom said, im not allowed to go back on weekends until the semester break, which is another 3 weeks from now. by then i'd be gone to the HSM on ice! yeay. we got the nearest seats to the skating rink. so much for seeing he fake zac efron.haha.

last weekend was a hell of a weekend! i watched the dark knight half wat through. we had our tickets booked way way ahead but after the 1st hour my cousin had an emergency , so we had to go. *i saw datuk k , ct and the whole clan*. haha. i had fun with all my cousins , haha. they are superb. filled with all the fun i needed! ade kenduri tahlil , so we had baca yaasin. then , we hang out, laughed like hell, gossipping as usual about the whole world and eat like we have nvr eaten for years at suzies till late at night. i love all my cousins so much! love u guys.

another big news here, my room is packed with , tadaaaaaaa, mr & mrs lipas. my god. its all over the room and the smell is horrible. i even bought baygon and re-arranged my closet but it was a total failure. they came back running as if they are having fun. luckily , im not scared of them just that i'm irritated. i clean up my space pretty well.

since my cousin owed me the dark knight , she's taking us, my other cousins and i to see it again this thursday, if she manage to get the ticks. hehe! i can't wait .

SURVEY.

izzah, i stole this from you.thanks babe!

1.LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?= 15 years.

2.LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?= a bra? hahaha.

3.EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?= ohh yes.

4.THING(S)YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?= food food & food, phone bills, and clothes.

5.LAST FOOD YOU ATE?= pau ayam from cafe menara. haha. sedap jgak.

6.ONE FAVORITE SONG?= with you by chris brown.

7.WHERE DO YOU LIVE?= now? melati. always always in tmn mutiara, alor star.

8.LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED:= seriously i cant remember. ohh i think adek apit ablia.

9.LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND= last holiday. on a friday to be exact.

10.WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIEND ?= pak tuan pak tuan and pak tuan *droooolllsssss* anywhere that we can ' clean our filthy eyes' . hahahah.

11.CAN YOU COOK?= yes.

12.where is 13-15?= i dunno

16.LAST TIME YOU CRIED?= hmm. last night.

17.WHAT DO YOU LIKE MOST ABOUTYOURSELF:= i think i'm independent. i'd love to be stronger though to get through my days better.

19.CAN YOU SING?= haha.i think i can but all my friends forbid myself from singing malay songs. they think i suck badly.

20.DO YOU SMOKE?= nope.

21.PAN CAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?= both but i' have them at different times when the cravings come.

22.DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?= yes! latte pls.

23.LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?= nelly.

24.WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED?=bent.

25.CAN YOU PLAY POOL?= i think i can.

26.CAN YOU SWIM?= yes!

27.FAVORITE ICE CREAM?= jamoca almond fudge!!

28.WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING?= 7.20am.

29.WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?=i'm gonna watch the dark knight. have a family gathering and i have to clean my drawers.

31.DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?= ohh yess. badly badly.

32.DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?= uhhuh. i wish i'd know his name.haha

33.DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?=yes.

34.WHO ARE YOUR CLOSEST COUSINS NAME?=elisha, abg epah and abg yeen

35.WHAT WERE YOU DOING 10 MINUTES AGO?= studying taxation.

36.IF YOU WERE A COLOR, WHAT WOULDYOU BE?= red. im in danger.

37.IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE RIGHT NOWWHERE? anywhere that my bestfriend is or the states

38.FOOD YOU'RE CRAVING FOR RIGHT THIS MINUTE?= steak and ice cream.

39.NAME A FREND WHO'S NAME STARTS WITH THE LETTER "J"?= jana.JASMIN!

stuck between silence and feelings

its been at least 2 weeks now into the new semester. usually, i'll have a very high spirited beggining but not this time around. sucks! i need motivation. yeah yeah. study now or you'll regret later. i hear them all the time but urrrghhh. anyway, im caught in between right now. torn between my feelings and things i should have said. i know i'll be relieved after i say ' these' things but i can't. cannot. i'll hurt myself even more. how do you please the person you love? things are left half way dead. i need to regain my consciousness and re invent my self. but at 19 and trying to RE INVENT yourself? i should invent, not re invent. all i wanna do now is go to penang and do things i should have done earlier.

sad sad sad world

tonight, its the last night i'll spend at home. my heart is really really really heavy. i dont wanna go back. i still haven't done any packing. i'm really bumped right now. probably , cause i watched one tree hill just now. i'm just sad. everyone's at home now. the thought of going back there, being alone , humphh, its depressing. will be missing all my frriends. but they are in kl, yey!
im gonna miss my mom so so so much. my brain will not start soon. i dont wanna study, not just yet.
still, i dont wanna go back. i refuses to go back.
why go if you're heart's here right?

getaway

had a few discussion with my mom.

she knows me quite well to know that i want to go abroad, study abroad, live abroad more than anything in this world. i don't know wether i can cope there . i had fun staying in us and i don't mind doing it again. i dont wanna just talk about it . i really wanna do it . but us has its own accounting system.i've checked. they are using GAAP. where as , the rest of the world, mostly, uses FRS. so, there's much difference there and i don't think i'm willing to jeopardise my future just to live up to my dreams. so, whats is it gonna be for me? i know other people wanna go abroad as well.yana, what do u say? i have to really really study hard.yana, we need to study more, talk and sleepp less ogayyh? at this point, i really don't mind where i'm going. i've checked a few universities.University of new south wales is now at par with Cambrigde Uni. hurmm. all this talk will be worthless if i don't get any scholarship or at least, mara loan. to compete with the others will be a problem. a much bigger problem. we'll see how well i'm doing for my third semester.

my 10 days semester hoilday.

usually semester holidays will be up to at least one or two months. unfortunately for some of us, it was only 10 days. well, at least they were kind enough to give us 10 days.

so, i did fill up my holidays with exciting stuff.

1. i did clean , re arranged and re decorated my room.
2. i baked cupcakes.
3. my board was done.
4. went to see bandcomp.
5. met with most of my friends and most importanty, i met everyone i wanted to meet.
6. played futsal, basketball ang jogged.
7. ate at nurha's , pak tuan' s , mama's and lets hope tonite at damirals.
8. i didnt have a fight or any quarrels with my mom. *miracles*
9. got some money!
10. what else? hmmm. watched a lot of tvs esp friends.

i was really happy minus all the heartaches, other than that, it was a pleasant holiday. can't wait for november and december hols.more exciting stuff can be done.my parents didnt say anything about my outings this time around.haha. my big brother is at home. a continuation of irritation and annoyance for my mom.hehe.i was home for a week and my brother will continue for the next ten days. wohooo!

one thing i'm really bumped though, dini won't be in S alam.she'll be in JMTI, penang. sucks. i'm gonna miss her badly.i love you dini! its the first time we're gonna be apart since standard one.haha.

comfirmation.

i needed to assure myself that the 30 percent is now gone. so i had a little experimento.

i went to see the main variables to make sure. it was a mistake because the experiment went wrong .i should have let my feelings ( radas and alat) stay aside.let it heal itself. so now, i dont know wether i can sleep happily or not because i'm really pissed (post -action) . he acted nonchalantly, while talking to me, and now i feel like slapping him, right on the face. i know i'll be fine, if he's dead. i'll be thoroughly happy. i can concentrate , AT LEAST. i hate this feeling. i know i know. if he doesnt care why should i, right? its because i care. the best thing was, i didn't feel excited when i was meeting him. i take that as a yes, that i dont have anymore feelings towards him.CEMUIH. the word to describe how tired i am of this topic. ok. from now on, move on. see, i need to learn how to move on quickly.

puteri, we need new man.hahaha.

so , as a conclusion and a comfirmation from this experiment, i think my feelings have dissapeared. he became one of those people who disgust me from far.i don't mind talking about bulan but i feel ashamed to talk about K. thank you. i hope che mah che man will give me an A for this experiment because i learn A LOT from her during my sleeping time , i mean chemistry lesson during form 5. haha. and the hypothesis for this experiment from the beggining matches the result at the ending. it is how it should have been earlier.

ps : i.....

i'm going to sleep now.
i just wanna say, i love u, to whom ever it may concern.
i will always love u still, until god knows when.
i just do. i love u.
wish i could just type the message and send it to the number i want.
but i can't.
its a sin.

so whatever.
its my blog.
i can say whatever i want.

I LOVE YOU.
k

though sometimes i feel like i'm lying to myself but i think it's true.
even if i'm left with 30 percent of what i used to feel.
it is still something.
so , yeah , that 30 percent still means i love you , just not as strong as it used to be.
ok. i love you.

ahead of us.

i'm really really bored here.i'm scared thinking bout the new semester because by looking at the subjects we're taking, my God! it is scary.we have marketing , commercial law and taxation.yeah, FUN! i can't wait. learning new things such as costing,last semester was a nightmare and now the nightmare is tripling up. how i wish studying would be easier. plus, i'm turning into this freak. i don't like it. i used to not care about my results as long as it is fine, im ok with it.now, i strive for the best only. as if i cant accept any other grade other that A and its not like i'm getting only As. i'm not proud of it because it's a burden.i wanna be carefree.not caring about anything else except having fun. i like it when i have other things occupying my mind rather than studies. that's why i love to brangan. it takes you to a place where you can be who you actually want to be. and now, i don't have any feelings for anybody. i feel empty. it's hard for me to like someone and it's harder for me to let them go.it took me 4 years to let go and get over Bulan and i was miserable during that time. my biggest problem is that i like to hang on to something that's not even there while hoping it'll come back. i need to snap out of it quicker.it is better to not like someone but where's the challenge. hmm. i used to come back home, with a nervous feeling about wether i'll be catching PHC484 along the roads in Alostar. will he be around? perhaps at Mama, 7e, at convent fetching his sister up . i like the tingling feeling but it made me half way nuts. so , i'll resort to the internet. that's why i find it very peaceful when i can watch the fan made video of hilary duff, or her podcast, reading her blog.haha.nonsense yes i know. but it made me very very happy. because of her,i had a vision. i wanted to go to the States so badly because i wanted to see her. my mistakes was i met her too soon. if i hadn't met her now, at least i would have a real mission, to see Hilary Duff. so another mission for the future guys, is to meet Ashton Kutcher. i don't know how i'm gonna do it but i'll try. he know's i'm alive thats for sure. he once replied my comments at myspace. hahaha. it was him, i can feel it. dun argue.it's him.

note here.

recently, i've posted a few of my things that's pink.

conclusion here, i love pink, since forever.

i've never made it public because i dont wanna be known as the girl who is obsessed with pink but the fact is, i am.

hehe.

i know i don't look like someone who likes pink, adores Hilary Duff , in love with Ashton kutcher and a few other men, obeys my mom's instruction, study hard, loves her siblings very much and scared of roller coaster like hell, but actually , I AM.

haha.so take note, ppl.

i love Pink as much as i love Hilary Duff here.

as an assurance,i'll post a picture of my room here when it's done with the mini renovation.

the beautiful pink boards.

a glimpse of my hardwork.hehe

friends i adore cherish and love most.

i wanna put other people as well but i cant do so because the board is not that big.

my mom's gonna buy another one.

hehe

a board full of myself!

love it.

this is for the family i love most.