I need more glue.

The last time I went, I went there to search for myself. Search for that little pieces that was left and I was trying my best to attach it back but back then, even when the glue is right in front of my eyes, I can't see it. I couldn't see it, because I didn't want to. Now, not only can I see the glue, I can see the gluestick, UHU, gam gajah and glue gun. I'm all attached to myself and this time around, when I go, I'll look after some other people, or some other kids. And I will try my best to not lose the kids. Haha.

Random Frandom.

Randomly writing. I like this holiday. This particular holiday. Randomly speaking. You are out of sight. Randomly thinking. I will be out of the country next Tuesday. Randomly. Given a choice to ever pick something that I truly want, I'd say I want a time machine. For now, I want a time machine to actually go forward because everyone says something will eventually happen in the future. Don't think now, think about the future later. Bring me to that 'eventually'. Bring me to that 'later'. Bring me there, take me there and I'll decide if ever I need to go further. Thing is, I am happy now. Happy as in, I am happy. Period. I don't need to explain why I am happy but frankly, I am and if you were to ask me, that maybe I can be more contented than I am now, I'd say yes. I can be much more happier than now, but I am happy now. I guess I can be happy by having certain things that I used to have but there must be a reason why things are the other way round isn't it? I am not here to clarify why I am happy but I guess by repeating the word 'I'm happy' indicates that I may not be happy as I think I am. HAHAHA. WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT?

Did you guys watch Killers? NOW THAT IS WHY I AM HAPPY!

Time Spent In KL

How my holidays went along in KL,

for most of the part, I remember Lukas to be part of it, very much. In fact, I met him first when I reached KL. He went back to Cape Town already. I miss you, Utas Apim! This time in KL, it feels like a real school holiday. I spent each minute with my family and I did spare some time with my friends ;)

My Last Night.

The clock striked 1am and I still don't feel like packing. To pack is one thing, but to pack for 3 occasions is exhausting, mentally. You have to figure out where everything is, the location of it, the reason on why you need/want to bring it, and to make sure that you don't leave anything behind. The fact that I am not ready to leave just yet, is not making things any easier. I spent almost 30 days, day in and day out doing nothing and truthfully, I don't regret any single minute of it. Everything was just laid back and nothing was in a rush.

We didn't really do any stupid thing this holiday. The most 'happening' thing we had done for this month is *drumroll* tengok wayang. That was it, and of course, the endless-almost-every-morning-trip-to-Kopitiam for breakfast. Oh, wait, the most 'happening' thing we did might be the hot air balloon but by the time we reached there, it was sooo pathetic. I woke up at 7am for nothing but sweats, sweats and more sweats but I met a lot of people there, so perhaps that's the good thing out of it?

But the most unforgettable event happened on Sunday night. HAHA. That will be something that I'll always treasure and miss ;) Ahhh, I better go and pack now, even though I don't feel like doing so.

If dreams come true at the very second you wished for them, then what's the point of even dreaming?

June stepped in, very quickly and I didn't get a chance to greet it properly. So, hello June, please be good to me. May wasn't that friendly but I hope May didn't pass its negativity on to you, alright. You see, I had to go through those bloody hell finals, an operation, a cancelled trip to London, and I don't know what else but those are the major things I can remember. I can look at it as bad things, or I can look at it as things that forced me to grow maturely, physically, emotionally and mentally, as much as I don't like it. So, please hear me out June and be nice ;)

My girls, my baby sister and I went out to see Lagenda Budak Setan in Alostar Mall today. We bought tickets a day earlier ( Thank you, Maisara and Kak Nuha ) since we thought that the queue would be too long, since its a Saturday but surprisingly, we were the first person to buythose tickets. Oh, surprise surprise. Haha. I read the book, or should I say the dictionary of Ahadiat Akasyah, back when I was in Primary School. Maisara influenced me to read a Malay novel and I thank her for that, but heck, I remembered nothing when I was watching the movie. Frankly, trying to capture thousands of pages and fitting it in a 2 hour movie is kinda hard, don't you think? You can't emphasize on every detail and of course, the results shall never be as satisfying as reading the fiction novel, word by word, but indeed, it was worth a try. The actors and actresses can act but except for one, but much kudos should be given to Que Haidar. HE CAN REALLY ACT! But if anyone wants to watch the movie again, I don't mind following them, again. Haha.

I hope I didn't give too much away. I didn't tell any of the plots kan? So that should be fine. We are left with about 30days before classes start again and I really want to do beneficial things, like reading a book that I don't understand so that I have to flip through the dictionary to get the meaning, or maybe Google it or BING IT! Haha. I really want to because I've been reading love stories all this while and I don't see how it will improve my static love life and so, I think I should read on non-fiction story like, biography or something. You know, so that I can improve my life, without having to find another party to get involved in it. HAHAHAHA.

Or maybe, babysitting perhaps? That should be beneficial yeah? I think so. Hehe.

This should do it now, I gotta sleep early, I'm waking early to go for breakfast with the seniors tomorrow.

Ps : Some people can see it too, so I am not the only one seeing this empty vision.

ASSurance.

Sometimes, I just have to reassure myself that I am fine, when I know I am not. Reassuring is tough when you've got no support. This is by far, the most boring holiday I've ever had. Probably it's getting better soon. Soon, or more like in 2 weeks.

Bliss.

Up to what point will ignorance still be considered as bliss? Would it still be a bliss now, if I were to ignore the pain I had in my stomach, 6 days ago and just leave for London and have fun and total bliss? Would it still be a bliss to ignore that someone who annoys me, so that I don't ruin the friendship and just have total bliss with it? Would it still be a bliss if I ignored my feelings for you and just continue our so called complicated friendship and perhaps we'd be having total bliss right now? Would it still be a bliss if I ignored a person that is suffering in front of me and just continue life as usual ? Ignorance will be bliss if, the things that you ignored doesn't get in the way of your total 'blissed' life. If I were to shut this computer off, and continue living like a normal traditional person, whose life depends on the normal activity like cycling and playing outside, probably my life would be in total peace and bliss but what do I do now, since I am so attached to a few things online, like games and blogs. I'm just saying. Without additional information, life seems so blissful. I swear, I've been seeing too much of the word BLISS in one essay, I doubt the meaning is the same anymore. Haha. Not that I have been striked with additional information lately, but sometimes, it would be better if those information is not splashed in front of your eyes and makes your hands itch to click those buttons that would make people notice, that you have seen it. Haha. Again, I'm just saying. Oh well, it is already 2.18am and you can't expect me to write 'soberly'.

Hang, hang Jebat.

"Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

You're gonna believe them"

I didn't
and if you were to ask me why, back then,
I wouldn't be able to answer it.

Probably, if you were to tell me that again,
maybe I'd believe it now.

Maybe.

She wants it so badly, since the beginning.

And of course, the first thing that I did when I came back from the hospital was browsing through the pictures and videos of these two love birds and found this. I downloaded the episode and I've yet to watch it. I am savouring the last episode of One Tree Hill for a really special moment, but I can't decide when will the perfect moment be, so maybe I'll watch it tonight ;)

Brooke Penelope Davis deserves to get her happy ending after 7 seasons. A few weddings, a few births, she should get some of the experience herself. Thank you, Mark Schwan for understanding us, the fans ;) I love you, Brulian! Hoho. I think I might get excited for Season 8 now, though I wasn't really rooting for it, earlier.

A proper recovery.

I had a strategic plan on how I wanted to spend my first mid year holidays ever since I've enrolled in UITM in 2007. We are now in 2010 and this is my first time experiencing a mid year holidays. Pathetic, I know. Anyway, I wanted to spend 10 days at home and 14 days with Hannah, Yana and Aisya in London, roaming around UK and visit Eva, Elan, Abg Andy and Abg Feroz. That was the initial plan. The plan that I had planned strategically, a month ago. Even when I sat for my finals, all I could think about is walking the streets of London with them, sitting at Starbucks or Costa for hours and do what we do best, GOSSIPING! However, I had a bad feeling already about this trip but I kept quiet cause I didn't want to ruin it.

But, we can only plan and plan but God will decide whether it happens or not. So, I guess, He replaced my plans with better things, for example : my appendix had to be removed.

I knew there was something wrong with my appendix since the exam weeks but, nothing much could be done back then. So when I came back home, I finally had it with my stomach aching on the right hand side, so I did a check up and of course, the doctor said it had to be removed because when he touched my stomach, I feel like kicking him because it was really hurtful. The doctor is my friend's father, I can't kick him though. Haha.

So, the next morning I had to be admitted and the procedure took place right away. IT IS THE MOST SCARIEST THING I HAD EVER WENT THROUGH. They took you to your ward and gave you the hospital gown. You slipped that on and the anesthesiologist came to check on you to check how old you are and such and they put on the needle on your hand for water drip and all. You know what I mean? I am not a medical student, so I am using the most common word here and I had to google some words. HAHA. Anyway, later, the nurses came with the stretcher to bring you to the Operation Theater. I was being pushed from the ward to the OT just like how you see in the movies. Everyone looked like as if, I have a serious illness or perhaps, they were just stunned with my hair because I didn't tie it. Haha. When I reached the OT, they had to transfer me to another bed and the nurse looked at hair in shock. Haha. Looking for a way to tie it up, she cut the glove's edges and tie my hair with it. Haha. Then, I forgot to remove my contact lenses, so I had to take it out and the nurses had to wait.

And so, here comes the scary part. I entered the OT with my heart beating so fast. I was shaking and shivering. I didn't know what to expect. They took my hand and stretched it widely. I was lying on a metal bed that is cold. The next thing I know, they put some anesthetic through my veins and at the same time, the nurse gave me the oxygen mask thingy for me to breathe into it and I'm gone for about an hour or so, and when I woke up, I could feel like there's a bruise on my right stomach. The surgery was done, and I saw my mom while they sent me back to the ward. I slept and slept and of course, I played with my phone a lot after that. Haha.

Dramatic kah? Well, kang tak drama bosan pulak. HAHAHA. Anyway, I still don't see the 'hikmah' behind all of these. I mean, behind why everything happened the way that they did, but hey, that is behind my control and I am not mad, nor I am angry. It's better to do it here, rather than having my appendix explode in another country far far away and my parents are not around.

So, now I am left with some medications that I can't wait to take everyday and I am recovering, day by day. Thank you to those who visited and all the well wishers. Thank you to my friends and family and mostly, my parents and adek ;) I don't know what I'd do without you and mostly, I am thankful that all of these are happening while I am on semester break. Alhamdulillah ;)