Just when I thought that turning 23 years old was a big thing, then come another year added to the number and of course, the number becomes greater, the pressure becomes higher and of course, your responsibility increases as well. I'll be 24 years old next year and my life is totally opposite from what I had imagined when I was 10 years old. If there was any memory that I tried my best to hold on to when I was in my primary school, it would be this one where it was a decent conversation that we had at the school canteen when I was 10 years old with Sharifah, Shakirah and Maisara. The conversation triggered when one of them said something like 'When we grow up, in our early 20s we should live together. At least, we will always be together'. Back then, everyone was looking forward to growing up as fast as possible, wanting to leave our parents house, with dreams of making it big on our own, when little that we know, life is not that easy, not that simple. Everyone is living separately, scattered all around the nation but I know for sure that we will always have each other's back. 2012, shall be categorized as the experimental year, where I experienced things that I never thought I ever wanted to and I never thought I could.
In January, after four and a half year journey with my friends, I finally sat for my last exam as a Degree student, with bittersweet feelings. No one wanted to leave the comfort zone of being a student. Looking back, our university life was actually easy. Our parents provided us with cars, endless amount of money whenever is needed, scholarships, a house and there was never a moment where we had to live in hunger or starve ourselves to sleep. All we had to do was study ;') To pack and leave the house was easy but to leave the housemates and memories, was not. And then, came the Dinner with the Wedding theme. Mom really did put in effort for my dinner attire to make sure that I was not wearing anything revealing and sexy this time around. Hahaha. Thank you, Mother :) And, not to forget our epic performance that night. Gosh, how did we pull it off? Dancing for a good 15 minutes in front of the VC and the whole crowd, that was really something worth remembering. Good times, that we had but of course, the end of my university life means, the start of all the uncertainty. I was puzzled, not knowing what I wanted in life. To pursue my ACCA full time or to just start working and pursue my ACCA as a part time student?
In February, my best friend lost her father. Thank God, I was in Kedah when everything happened and I tried my best to be there for her and her family. No one can ever be prepared or be fully prepared in facing death but no one can escape it, either. That was when I started to remind myself, to always remember about death because it can happen anytime, anywhere. During that time, I was facing with 3 funerals as well, as two of my uncles passed away as well. Al-Fatihah... It was in this month, when I stumbled upon a lot of signs, leaving me puzzled about a few things. You appeared, during my every thoughts of you. It was rather scary and it haunted my every move. We were never meant to be together right, so why did you show up in times when I needed to see you?
In March, it was time to use my last free ticket as a student. I chose London again, to redeem the promise that I had made with Hannah. London was beautiful as always but with its unpredictable weather, it made me miserable. For someone who has wanted to study abroad, London would have been the correct place because it is the right place for to do ACCA but for some reason, I just couldn't wait to go back to Malaysia. It felt right. Maybe because I've been through too much of death at that time, I can't bear the thoughts of being away from my family, if anything happens again. Shallow thinking, maybe but I can't help it but to think, too much. The first thing that I did when I came back home was to enrol myself in UiTM, again but this time, to do my professional papers,
In April, classes started as usual but I had all the free time in the world. From being a student who attended classes from 8.30am to 6.30pm, to only 4 or 5 classes per week, I was really bored. Precious time wasted and money too, I was too bored so I applied for a job. (Now as I am typing this, a tiny bit of regret starts to surface...) To be honest, I applied for a few jobs; one as a Management Trainee under Human Resource, one as an Finance Executive at a local bank and one as an Auditor. I thought I should do something that will compliment my professional papers, hence that's why I became an auditor. It was at that time, that I knew that looking for a job is not easy, especially when you have no experience, hence one cannot be picky in choosing a job. So I made a promise to myself that when the month of September steps in, I'll just close my eyes and just work. Ahhhh. Wrong move?
In April, classes started as usual but I had all the free time in the world. From being a student who attended classes from 8.30am to 6.30pm, to only 4 or 5 classes per week, I was really bored. Precious time wasted and money too, I was too bored so I applied for a job. (Now as I am typing this, a tiny bit of regret starts to surface...) To be honest, I applied for a few jobs; one as a Management Trainee under Human Resource, one as an Finance Executive at a local bank and one as an Auditor. I thought I should do something that will compliment my professional papers, hence that's why I became an auditor. It was at that time, that I knew that looking for a job is not easy, especially when you have no experience, hence one cannot be picky in choosing a job. So I made a promise to myself that when the month of September steps in, I'll just close my eyes and just work. Ahhhh. Wrong move?
In May, I had my convocation and of course, my parents and my friends came. Frankly, I was quite disappointed with myself because I fooled around during my Degree and of course, I didn't graduate with a first class degree. My parents were not excited to come to my convocation but they still came with balloons and flowers. The sad part of this is knowing that I could have made them happy if I were to study more, a bit but nonetheless, I vowed to pass my ACCA papers in one go. And oh, it was in this month where I was supposed to submit my working contract but I did not read it properly, so I did not send it before the stipulated date. At that time, I was already questioning my decision whether if its the correct decision. Was that a sign from God telling me not to take the job? Lol lol.
In June, the library became our second home as everyone was busy preparing for the exam. We went to the library early in the morning and left only after midnight for three weeks. No one knew how to tackle the questions, how to allocate our time and how to actually answer the question but a junior gave us the best advice. He said that no matter how clueless you are, just don't stop writing and put down your pen. Just continue writing even if it doesn't make sense because at the end of the day, its the examiner that will decide whether it is right or wrong but at least, you wrote something. I also made a stupid rule, to not go and see you until I am done with my paper, so that I will not jinx it and right after that, you were the first person that I saw. Hmmmm.
In July, during my short break, my parents were contemplating whether or not I should perform the endoscopy procedure because my stomach was really bad at that time, but alhamdulillah with lots of Vitagen and fiber intake, everything is so much better now. Hehe. Its really not funny when you're sick and that's when you really wish that you had taken a better care of your body and it was at this time, when I changed my status from a full time student to a part time student, for real. I didn't know whether I was ready or not but I knew I had to be ready. To just kill the ample time that I had, I would still go to the full time classes and that was when I knew that I was not ready to work, because I know peanuts about accounting, especially the technical side of it.
In August, it was my last Hari Raya as a student, it was my last hope to get duit raya and I have to say, it was satisfying! Hahaha so, next year will be my first time of giving duit raya, will update on how it goes :) My results came out on this month as well and it was just satisfying as my duit raya. Hehe. I thought I would fail, hence I wanted to work but turned out, I didn't fail :)
In September, came the month that I was never excited about. Thinking about it gave me nightmares, sweaty palms and more. Then at one point, I was thinking too much about it, I just went in with a open heart. Since I did my internship at the same place, I knew how it was going to be like and suddenly, flash back of memories of the days that I never wanted to wake up and go to work. Bad memories were pushed aside, come 18th of September I showed up to work, with new spirit. Hehe. During the early days, it was the best times because we only had trainings and of course, free coffee and free food. It was always delicious and fattening!! And it was also during training that I found auditing really hard and the concept is really is complex and confusing... And oh, work means its time for me to cover up! And and, it was in September that I last saw you and within that 8 hours of time spent together, I moved on, even it it doesn't sound possible but I did. It was in September that many left to pursue their Masters in the UK :(
In October, my first engagement started and I was new to everything. I learned, I studied and I explored new sides of accounting. My job was actually really relaxed and quite laid-back. It was just a small team of three and everyone got along well. Work was going along just fine but to juggle work, studies and social life was troublesome. Its not possible to push family and friends aside, not that I wanted to but its all about priorities. Weekends meant its time to study but when your parents are in town, it meant something else. I carried my books everywhere, it became such a burden, especially when the book was not even flipped open most of times. Its all about adjusting and I am still at the adjustment stage until now.
In November, I went into a new engagement. It was different. Somehow, the pressure was really high. Learning had to be done faster, I could barely catch up. That's when I knew I was really slow because looking back, I didn't really do much. Haha. It was all about a steep learning curve. Learning and adapting. I thought I was the worst in the bunch to have cried and wept over small matter but a senior told me, she vomited, cried and had fever during her first month working and after that, I felt normal again. Hahaha. The one thing that I need to work on is actually my memory. I should remember the details by heart and swallow it!
In December, I got my 10 days break due to my study leave. It was partly heaven, partly hell. For the first few days, it was not easy to make your mind focus on study especially when work keeps on popping up, every morning right before you leave for the library. It was heaven when my time was scheduled based on my own time table. I can go out anytime that I want, I can go back at anytime that I want. Hell, because the exam was too tough. As much as I don't want to be in denial, 10 days is not enough. Of course you need more than that. If I were to fail my exam,I would just go and sit for the exam again with an open heart. Once, someone asked me, how was your exam and I said, I think I failed my exam and so, I'll sit for it again in June June sitting and the person said, 'Oh you're so pessimistic' I thought I'm being all optimistic by embracing my future failure and being all open minded about it? Not apparently. Maybe time to change my mindset and be all optimistic for 2013.
Like I said, 2012 was the experimental year, where I tried many new things and 2013 will be just the same.
In November, I went into a new engagement. It was different. Somehow, the pressure was really high. Learning had to be done faster, I could barely catch up. That's when I knew I was really slow because looking back, I didn't really do much. Haha. It was all about a steep learning curve. Learning and adapting. I thought I was the worst in the bunch to have cried and wept over small matter but a senior told me, she vomited, cried and had fever during her first month working and after that, I felt normal again. Hahaha. The one thing that I need to work on is actually my memory. I should remember the details by heart and swallow it!
In December, I got my 10 days break due to my study leave. It was partly heaven, partly hell. For the first few days, it was not easy to make your mind focus on study especially when work keeps on popping up, every morning right before you leave for the library. It was heaven when my time was scheduled based on my own time table. I can go out anytime that I want, I can go back at anytime that I want. Hell, because the exam was too tough. As much as I don't want to be in denial, 10 days is not enough. Of course you need more than that. If I were to fail my exam,I would just go and sit for the exam again with an open heart. Once, someone asked me, how was your exam and I said, I think I failed my exam and so, I'll sit for it again in June June sitting and the person said, 'Oh you're so pessimistic' I thought I'm being all optimistic by embracing my future failure and being all open minded about it? Not apparently. Maybe time to change my mindset and be all optimistic for 2013.
Like I said, 2012 was the experimental year, where I tried many new things and 2013 will be just the same.
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