The "Ikea" post.

"Plenty of time yesterday, I sat down and kneeled down  on my praying mat. Somehow, as much faith that I have in God, I still have my doubts and sorrows. Ways to show that I am only human, I can only hope for the best. Unfair for me to be feeling this way alone, when you’re in love with someone else wholeheartedly. Miracles do happen to those who believe in the power of the upper hand. I am one of them; I rest my case when the universe has spoken. My heart and my mind, they went bonkers last week trying to comprehend what is going on, what will be going on and how it is going to happen. I’m not strong and never was. So, I prayed for God to show me the way, lead me to the truth and stray away from what is not right. 30 minutes after, my mother called and she asked me to go to Ikea to buy some curtains. Maybe this is just a random request that mother loves to give me, or maybe this is my prayers being granted within miliseconds because going to Ikea would have been perfect if we were only going out officially or perhaps if we’re married. Browsing around furniture, attractive colour schemes for the whole house, the perfect bed for two, couches and sofas and up to those tiny setups of curtains and lamps, I’ve always wanted to go to Ikea with you. Given the time and day, this was the perfect moment. 8 lace curtains were bought for Mother, seems like I’ve gotten the blessings. Awkwardly, we browsed through those aisles of dreams, briefly. To ever have those dreams planted in my mind, without it ever being transformed into reality, is just too much for me to bear in my loose abstract mind. Spending the day with you, it feels right as much as it feels weird. Ironically, Ikea is home, just like how I picture you in my mind, you’re home. One day later, I opened your Twitter page and you stated there “One and only” Clearly, it’s not for me. Stupid, I maybe am for using my heart to think but shallow; I am not because I am aware of your current relationship and I’ll never be the third person here. This is too much for it to be going on for almost five years, this is too much for it to even still be in my mind but each sign that I get, brings us forward, creating a bond that I’ll never have with anybody else, even if I try my hardest to have with the rest of the world. Unfair, if I am the only one to ever be feeling this. I guess, life is never fair and every time that we part, I wish you’d never say “See you again, soon” because those words get my hopes high and as for now, I am still on cloud nine, waiting for the ultimate weapon to bring me down."

(March 2012) 

So young, so clueless but hey, IKEA is the place. Hahaha