Goal.

Reaching a quarter of a century; I think I have lost myself, almost completely. Part of me blames my choice of career, part of me blames my choice of man, part of me blames my attitude and part of me wishes that the cause of it, is just one reason when I know, it is not. It is an accumulation of above all. People around me know, I enjoy spring cleaning and I don't do that anymore. That kind of satisfaction that I get from holding a broom, or a cloth to wipe all the dusts; I don't feel that anymore. I used to read story books and get lost in those fairy tales; I don't read that anymore. I run or more like, walk in the morning sometimes, but I don't do it anymore. Work sucks all the energy and truly, it doesn't give that kind of satisfaction. Wait, let me clear things up first. I don't hate my job. I love the people that I am working with, they push me forward, they build me up and they support me but the job sucks the energy out of you and gives you unnecessary stress. I want to stop, I really do but I have always envied those people that managed to complete their three years, while having fun. I want to complete my three years. I really do, but my heart feels heavy now when my favourite person in the firm is leaving. Will I be able to survive? I truly hope so. Anyway, since the job sucks the energy out of you, all the extra time that you have will be spent to replenish those energy, which means you will sleep like as if there is no tomorrow. Your room can look like a rat's place but you don't give two hoots. 'Your sleeping time can't be compromised', that is what you think but in actual fact, you're compromising your youth. I wish I have other things going on in my life, so that I don't feel like such a loser.

Hence, that's why I am resorting back to writing. I should make sure that my room is always clean now and I should care more about my studies. 

Oh, it would have been so much easier if all of these are because of one absolute reason; being heartbroken. At least I can just point it out to just one main reason but it is not. Its your loss for not being the better man, that I have always hoped you will be. I guess, the three words remain; life goes on. Really. 

You go back to do things that once made you happy. You find that thing that will always define who you are. You do the things that can make you smile. You can't always go back but you can always move forward. 

I have a few days break now, for me to find some peace in life before the crazy life starts again in mid September and at that time, I will be alone and literally, alone and I hope I will be strong enough to do it without having anyone to hold my hand. 

And I hope, I will find myself again.