I woke up this morning after being shouted by mom a few times, to perform the Subuh prayers. After I prayed, I went into my room with the only mission to sleep till noon. My plan stopped abruptly after I found my phone blinking, which means that I've got either a text message, or a missed call. (a bit too detail eh? I cant sleep after that, nothing much that i can do. Its only 7.23am)
I opened the message and I was left speechless. Just so you know, my heart stopped. Last night was a terrible night for me. That one message made me feel so awake that I think I can start cleaning the house soon and based on how I am feeling right now, the house will be spick and span. I am torn. My head is spinning. I am not even kidding. I am confused as hell.
I guess all that I'm trying to say is, you waved the white flag first, in these heated moments. And more than ever, I wish you didn't. I hope my reply did us justice. I want to forgive you, fully but I know by doing so, it doesn't mean that I will forget about it fully. It's not as easy as you think. More than ever, now I feel like listing down the things that made me so pissed. I even feel like numbering it, because trust me, I can list it down and put it in a sequence of events.
Exhibit A :
1. I am angry/mad/pissed off because..............................
2. I am stil angry/mad/pissed off because............................
But all of these things would not solve anything, at the moment, I suppose. And I'll take the it as it is. Don't think I am blogging this just to be even. I can't sleep and I know it will take a while for my scratched heart and torn mind to sink the facts in. All I'm saying is, let the time tell when my wounds will be healed because I'm tired to force it and sometimes, it is still bleeding and of course, it hurts. Sometimes, I think my words are harsh but when I think about your acts, none of my words matched your acts.
I opened the message and I was left speechless. Just so you know, my heart stopped. Last night was a terrible night for me. That one message made me feel so awake that I think I can start cleaning the house soon and based on how I am feeling right now, the house will be spick and span. I am torn. My head is spinning. I am not even kidding. I am confused as hell.
I guess all that I'm trying to say is, you waved the white flag first, in these heated moments. And more than ever, I wish you didn't. I hope my reply did us justice. I want to forgive you, fully but I know by doing so, it doesn't mean that I will forget about it fully. It's not as easy as you think. More than ever, now I feel like listing down the things that made me so pissed. I even feel like numbering it, because trust me, I can list it down and put it in a sequence of events.
Exhibit A :
1. I am angry/mad/pissed off because..............................
2. I am stil angry/mad/pissed off because............................
But all of these things would not solve anything, at the moment, I suppose. And I'll take the it as it is. Don't think I am blogging this just to be even. I can't sleep and I know it will take a while for my scratched heart and torn mind to sink the facts in. All I'm saying is, let the time tell when my wounds will be healed because I'm tired to force it and sometimes, it is still bleeding and of course, it hurts. Sometimes, I think my words are harsh but when I think about your acts, none of my words matched your acts.
"You destroyed a thing that is known as hope, You took away my believes in words"
and a simple word like sorry, would not restructure back my faith in hope and words in a split second.
It was too late for me to erase it because I didn't bring a liquid at the time that I found this.
Any clue?
now that i have posted this, I am back to my sleepy mode. aaaaa.
Thank You, God.
and a simple word like sorry, would not restructure back my faith in hope and words in a split second.
It was too late for me to erase it because I didn't bring a liquid at the time that I found this.
Any clue?
now that i have posted this, I am back to my sleepy mode. aaaaa.
Thank You, God.
6 comments:
Excuse me! Why did you delete it? I wanna know!!. I'm gonna call you. Heee
min, balik ni ak nank dengar cerita pasal post ni okayyyyy!!!!
fiz : becoz the comment sounded like urs! hahaa. nak tau cte. wahhaha. cte abes di sini.
Tak faham. Was it mine?? ahaha.
the comment wasnt urs la. haha. org lain punye.
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