Ranting time. 

In a period of less than 30 days, I have never been more puzzled, confused and sad at the same time and actually, it all happened in 7 days. All before I turn 26 this year and the only thing I can remember praying for before turning 26 is that, I want to go to Spain and I want to get married when I hit 26. Spain will happen next year, in sha Allah but the latter one, I have no clue. 

I know that I am not rushing to get married because if I am, probably right now I wouldn't be jotting this down, I will be out having breakfast with my future husband but no, my heart got a hold of things and told my head that this is not it. 

I don't think it is fair for me to just settle down, just for the sake of settling down. What does settling down means anyway? Settle for just about anyone, even when you feel like you deserve better? I am not going against jodoh, nor can I do so but everyone kept on saying that if the right person comes, I would know and I would bring down all the walls I have inside me and meet him half way. I tore down a few walls and I created one small bridge but it felt like I was alone at that bridge and it was at that point that I decided, I deserve more. 

Wish I could have things sorted out by now but I don't. Then came my stupidest decision, to reconcile back with someone that I shouldn't have in the same week. I shouldn't have and I know that.