Wake me up, when it is dark outside.

Like it or not, it has been a month since the new semester has started and this is the first time that I've stayed up to finish up my assignment. Life has been a bit hectic but I prefer it this way. Today, my classes finished at 6.30pm but I was actually contented with the fact that I had class up till 6.30pm. Perhaps because it was such a relaxing class but still. The lecturer was so kind, she ordered tea for us from a caterer and we got long breaks in between and that was such a nice change, after a while. Then, I jumped in the car and started the ignition and wanted to go back to Ampang right away but clever me, picked the wrong route, at the wrong time. Basically, a journey that could have taken about only 1 hour, was stretched up to 2 hours plus. I guess I needed a wake up call, from the metropolitan city. It says "Wake up, and be awake!" I am awake now, wide awake. I am picking up the momentum now, sliding into the fast pace of life because if I don't do it now, no one will catch me later. And I am not even talking about my studies, I am just talking about general things. Sometimes, my brain is still intact but not my mind. Its not anywhere. It just floats around, waiting for me to call it back and plug it in, inside my brain, physically. Yes, I am being influenced by the concept of Inception.....NOT!

A note to yours truly.

"I passed by the road that leads me to your house and once upon a time, my hands used to shake and shiver, my stomach felt like its gonna blow out and my heart, my heart was in my throat. I drove along that stretch of road again tonight and all that was gone. No shiver, no nothing. One thing that I know is, if I ever go forward, I move forward. I don't go backwards but sometimes I can make an exception but let me know if I need to make any. For now, I know I don't but who knows what will happen later in the future. A heart with no passion feels like an empty heart but they say a broken heart is a heart that has felt the intensity of love, perhaps. I can't always count on what 'they say'. I need to know what I say. I say there's no more you and I hope I am right, for now. I keep using the word for now because I don't control the future. If I were to be the one who is holding the controller, you and I would have always stayed together. I don't have to go through stupid drama. That, is if I had the controller. I don't. This feels like a letter to you. Oh well, I have so many letters that were never sent to you. Do you want to read it? Or will you ever read it? Read them? I have plenty of them. I can even number them according to numbers or simply according to title. I think you will not read them, or even read this. So I feel safe posting this. If ever I were to see you again, I don't know what to say to you but I feel like saying, "Do you care to read one letter? One love letter? It's long and each meaning will hit you right inside. Do you dare to read that one letter? It's just one letter. No harm." No, I can't be saying that right? I won't. No worries. I feel free yet I feel cooped up. I feel strained by the time line, yet I know I still have a long way to go. Thank you for making me feel this way. You were the one who commenced this feeling, I think you should take the opportunity to end it as well. Obviously, this thing should stop here before I start to talk about things I shouldn't. This is normal. I am here, at home. I see the surroundings around me, and nothing else is significant enough to stay permanently in my mind and maybe, my heart as well, but you. To see the bright things in life, I'd say you had enlightened me to see that there's more to life that I haven't seen :) "

Door.

What do I really want in life? I don't know. It's as easy as that. I can tell you I want to live a happy healthy life but who doesn't want that? I can say that I want an easy life with not problems but what will I become when nothing is a challenge? Yesterday, I was walking towards the office to send my resume and at that time, I had already made up my mind on which company I would like to serve for but right at that moment, I passed by something that made me want to change my mind but I hold on to my decision. I don't want to think about the irony of it, because if I were to do it, then i have to revamp my life, because as it is, life is full of irony.

This internship thingy really makes me feel old. The future is uncertain. I don't like this.

Of lately.

7.41am and here I am blogging like there's nothing better to do. Truth is, I miss blogging and those words that I had to say but time has not been my friend lately. So many things to do and last night, I had to brainstorm my brain trying to get ideas for my resume and that is tough. Resume. Resume. Resume. Its tough to find something to write about when you have nothing to talk about. Talk about getting old nowadays huh. Urghh

Exhaustion.

Right after I touched down on KLIA, I made no reservations for any kind of rest. In my mind, I had all kinds of activity planned out. I reached KL on Monday, I went to class on Tuesday at 2pm. That night, I had dinner with Maisara and Wan. The next day, I had a full day. Classes started from 8.30am till 6pm and I ran to Damansara to pick up the kids and we headed straight to Bukit Jalil to meet the man of the night, USHER!!!!!!!!!!!! Then, we still managed to have supper at Murni. The next day, I wanted to go back to Shah Alam, but my cousin pursued me to stay back and watch Eclipse and all I could say about Eclipse is, Disappointing! The next day, I went to class again and on Saturday, we all had a surprise birthday party for my cousin and on Sunday, all Sifers had to go to PWTC. Oh yeah, in between those sequence of events, I had to squeeze in some time to go to Intekma up till 2am or more, to support my other Sifers team mates. On Monday, we had the National Sife Competition and I am excited as hell for that because its my first time and of course, I truly loved it. It brought out the UITM spirit in me ;D Anyway, WE WON! So, what the heck. We're just going to LA je. MUAHAHAHAHAHA.

Okay, so now, the conclusion of these all, I fainted last week due to exhaustion. I ignored my jet lag, I ignored everything. My cousin came to the rescue and of course, Mama dearest was so worried, she came down to KL as well. Love you so much Mama and of course, thank you to all yang angkat masa jatuh tu jugak. Haha.

Hangus.

A bundle of words in my mind, a string of sentences and the only thing that I can type now is, 'Dinner hangus today and it is my fault and I am guilty for it'. I am too tired to talk and definitely too tired to think. I hope everything will fall into places when I come back. I hope. I really do.

Thank you, Govt.

Everytime I reach those precious ages like 16 and 18, I will always have that something special that will make me remember those years, accurately. I don't think I count my blessings enough for those magical things in life. When I was 16 years old, I asked my mom for a birthday party. I wanted a special birthday party to commemorate my 16th birthday, just like how they do it in the MTV Sweet16. HAHA. That party will always be my favourite party among all the parties I've had. And when I hit 18, let's not go there. Let's just say, I've seen the ups and downs of life. I've seen the highs and lows of life. I thought I had the world at my finger tips, and only to find out that I did not own the world when I turned 19. And now, 21. You are legal when you are 21. You get to do a lot of things when you turned 21. But this year, one great lesson that I discovered a few days ago, is that, hell, I don't want to get married when I hit 21 years freaking old. You know how you always say, 'Eiii, kan senang klu kawen je, takyah pkir ape dah' DEAD WRONG! I mean, if you have a child or two laa. It is hard. So, now. I shall enjoy my life, my single life with all the pleasures in the world. Other than that, I had a bumpy flight coming out here and that's the first time I've ever encountered with such turbulance. It was so scary that I think I had my life flashed right in front of my eyes and I only see the sad part of it rather than the good happy part. I see myself hurting over the psat years and I don't like that. My life is not all about sappy feelings. I don't wanna look back and think that, oh when I was 19, I got my heart broken and yada yada yadaaaaa. I want to be able to look back and see the happy faces of the people I love and care about. I swear at that particular moment, I was scared to death and I prayed really hard and can only hope for the best. God loves me enough to let me enjoy this life, still but there's another flight going back home. I am scared now.

Along with the face, he's a smart ass.

He posted that. He tu sapa lagi laaa, Ashton Kutcher laaa.

Climax!

Holidays are meant for you to clear up your brain a bit, and make it breathe for a while after a few hectic months but they are also meant for you to think about certain think deeply and wisely. I think about nothing, about nonsense things, about my so called future, my present life and so on. I think a lot, when I'm busy and I think more when I'm free. My thoughts can run freely and of course, wildly. I mean, not that kind of wild. Wild, as in it go to the future, and it can 'gostan' and connect to the past. Haha.

I wish I can say a lot of things here but a blog remains a blog. Sighhh

Colour.

To everyone its just a phase, to me its not. I know it's not a phase because I don't see any replacement.