berhenti berfikir.

usually i am sad to leave home but today i am ok. perhaps because my mom has been nagging all week long and i still couldn't find the reason why she likes to nag and why is it that she likes to put me on a guilt trip for going out with my friends? its not like if i were to be at home, she'd ask me out pon. its the same thing. cleaning, cooking and watching the tv. i need to go out to make sure that alostar is fine, the buildings are still there and just for fun. haha.

for these past few days, i felt like i was on an emotional rollercoaster. some days felt like i was going up and days later, i'd feel like i am going to puke and certain days felt like i'm going downwards and will never go up again. i am dealing with emotions that i nvr thought would come. i'd nvr thought i would feel at all but now, it's in my head and in my thoughts, all the time. it's good if i can let it go and perhaps the best option here, is to actually let it go. its' not worth it. not worth a shot, let alone being the third time. i can make my head understand but how do i translate it into my heart? i want my head and my heart to walk in a line but unfortunately, they dont cooperate well. so i guess for now, i should learn to let go. let the butterflies in my stomach fly away and pray real hard they won't come back unless it's for significant reason. a reason that can change my life. i will stop analyzing your words eventhough thats the only way for me to know you deeply, i will not care about your opinions though i know it makes sense sometimes, i will stop thinking about you eventhough she's always be right in front of me, everyday at the faculty ans at times, she's my illegal neaighbour next door at melati.

i am trying to pack , trying to chill down a little, trying to absorb the fact that i am stronger that i can go through all of these without one single tear(though i feel like bursting already). probably it was a mistake to see you during these holidays but my heart says the other. by going back to sh alam will sh alam tonite, i hope i can unwind a bit and relax myself. i've been through a lot for a week and i will admit, its not worth it. haha. i am still sane.

anyway, i better pack now. things are all over the place. sharifah came today! the fisrt one to come to my hse! hahaa. guys, come over laaa.