#X

I cringe a little when the letter X is next in line and I ponder why did I start this alphabet posts because it is so hard to come up with a suitable word that starts with X. Haha but not to worry, I managed to recall a conversation that I had with my friends while we had a mini durian feast at Liyana's house. I like the tiny ones with thin layer of durians in it. My favourite! Anyway, while we were eating the magical fruit and burping its wonderful smell, someone mentioned about the 'X-Factor' game, which was a phenomenon 10 years ago. Or has it been more than 10 years of less? At one point, I was glued to the television because the show is somehow addictive. If one person can make it through one physical activity, then a high threshold has been set. Everyone else should be able to do it too because it seems feasible. 

It is only normal that when you're watching the game, you immerse yourself into the game, fantasically.  If that was you in that position, would you have done it? Let's say the challenge is to walk on a rope across 2 building that is 30 floors up, would you? I would not. I could not. I fear of heights. There was this one time when we all went to Genting Highland and I found myself curious about the long queue for Solero Shots, so I joined the crowd. Little did I know that this ride was one that challenges the gravity as it shoots you up in the sky. In those naive moments, I had no idea what it was and the clever little me picked the wrong seat. I placed my self on a seat where I can see the whole of Genting and some parts of KL. Defying the gravity, I should have never done that. If its not cool to be afraid of the heights, then so be it. I don't want to be cool. Haha

Hence, every single time that I watch the show most of the words that are played in my mind would be "Nope, I don't think I can do that" but that's the thing, I have not tried them. So, how do I know that I will not be able to actually do it? If I can survive Solero Shot, sure I can get passed anything right? And the other day, I had an intense conversation with a friend about her job offer, in Singapore. The dialogue started with a question asking me "Would I accept the offer if I were given the opportunity?" Part of me said no and the other half would have said yes. In those moments, I realized that I didn't apply for such things because I did not want to be put through such situations where I will be torn. I didn't apply to go abroad because I didn't want to have any options. I thought by being specific with what you want in life would be easier but gosh, I don't know what I want in life. 

All I know is I want to be the right path where life would be be bearable and not all miserable. At some point in life I thought about the chances I didn't take more that the ones that I have taken. If I had taken that path, how will life turn about? And because of the path that I have taken, it led me here. After seating for my first ACCA paper, I think I did the right choice by wanting to work because if I were to fail my paper (InsyaAllah I wil not) perhaps I can start picking up on the experience. Well, that is one way to look at it. If I didn't do it, then I will always wonder whether will I be able to work and study at the same time? Its not that I want to do it but sure I am curious a bit. 

Long essay I have written here, I need to let it out. Haha. Oh, X-Factor. When I like someone I will always think about why do I like him or have a crush on him? Then the same thing will appear, its the thick eyebrows. Haha is that one of the x-factor? But when you like someone for no reason, thin eyebrows also can :P