One significant person.

Came back home this time around and I've been bombarded with questions that I don't have answers. Let alone be specific ones. If only those answers would easily come by flipping a book or just by flipping a coin. It's not and I don't have them. I can lie, sure I can but what do I get out of lying. Tell me one person who is not scared or worried about the future.

And then, come this one person. This one very significant person in my life, telling me how scary life is. Tell me how do I feel?

Or how should I feel now?

Talking about the future is a scary thing!

 People around me has been asking me what am I going to do after I've graduated? Some is reminding me that I am graduating soon  and some thought that I have even graduated. I have one more semester to go and that would be my last semester. Sob sob. Btw, people, please take note that this is my last semester, which means that I am still a student and I am still entitled to receive duit raya. *cough cough* :D

So, back to the main topic. What am I going to do after I am done with my degree? If I were to leave that question to my mother, her answer would be taking another degree in Journalism. Alright, let's talk about that. I've made a conclusion that I don't have what it needs to be a journalist. My vocabulary sucks, I am still confused with verb and noun, I write when I am in the mood and to be a journalist was a dream only when I was  15 years old. I've outgrown those teenage dreams of mine and I think this small space of mine is enough to be an outlet for me. So, journalism, you should leave the train now. 

And if I were to ask my father, his answer is to get a job. No doubt. I will get a job but in what field? I don't know but I know I want to be in the financial line and that's all I know. My father even asked if I want to continue my professional papers in UiTM and I straight away answered 'No'. My university is fine, I love it, of course but it would be great if I could study elsewhere just to get some fresh air but weird thing is, I don't feel like studying abroad too. I used to be so excited when this topic appears but now, it's like, I am over it but I am open to working abroad though. I don't mind going there to work but I have got this kampung mentality where I wouldn't mind going if I am married. Is that kampung? Or maybe I just need to make sure that I am all ready and secured, by all means. 

And what else can I do? If I were to say that I want to go to the States and apply to work with Taylor swift, will I look like a bimbo? But everyone keeps on saying, 'Follow you dream, follow your dream' and I am being real now by saying, that is my dream. I want to work with her on her tour. Don't ask me what's my position but if it means I'm going to be the girl that does her hair, then so be it. I'll do her hair. I want to take a break but if taking a break means doing nothing and updating my blog with nonsense, then I'll pass. I'd rather have a job then. 

This is all so confusing. Bottom line is, my parents are supportive in everything that I want to do except on that Taylor Swift part. Fine, I'll scratch that off my list :S Somehow, I wish I took up medicine or a course that will give me a job straight without me having to decide what I want to do in life. It's tough being a mediocre since everyone is one too! I should have pushed myself harder whenever I could and be good at something but now its a bit too late isn't it? All I can do is just sit, think, study hard-er for my last semester and get a good guy to marry.  After all, it is a scary world out there. 

I think, on my next post I shall give my 2 cents on marriage or more like, wedding!

July, the climax of 2011!

July came in with a bang and I ought to do a post on each of the events, separately. I owe that to each of those special event :) but before I forget what happened in this happy month, I think I should list it down and look back with a big smile.

1st of July - 6th of July ; Celebrated the end of my internship in Seoul, Korea with my closest classmates. They ended their internship a month earlier. Hmph! So, it was my celebration. Hehe
8th of July-10th of July ; Went to Perhentian Island. Believe it or not, that was actually my first time going to an island, I mean an actual island (Push aside Port Dickson and Langkawi). I actually had to learn how to snorkel.
11th of July; Drove to Batu Pahat to pick up my Grandmother and after 5 minutes of reaching and loading her into the car, we went back straight to KL. All in all it was a 5 hour drive and that's actually my first time of doing it.
13th of July-27th of July; Sife preparation was during this period and in between those moments, I had to sneak out and find time to do other things as well and I think I succeeded :)
13th of July; Bought a last minute ticket to see Arsenal/Theo Walcott and it was all worth it :DD
15th of July; Moved out of our first rented house. I am officially a girl who merempats now but let's not worry anymore, we've secured a house, right in front of our old house!
16th of July; Volunteered for Graduan, a small career fair held at KLCC. It was tiring but somehow it opened my eyes to the corporate world. Like I didn't get enough exposure in those six months "_" and at night, Hannah had a farewell party and it felt like a small gathering. That was nice and I was very happy that day, indeed.
23rd of July; Mak Long's 70th birthday. After 2 weeks of not seeing any family member, it was definitely a relief to see them all being pampered with nice food and delicious cakes :)
24th of July-26th of July; Sife National Exposition. Another great experience but this year, we synergized all of our campuses and we are a really big team this year. So, we lost. Big deal.
27th of July; Came back home after 3 months or less of not being here. The parents are happy. Mom planned my holidays ahead and dad brought back lots of local fruits. He knows I like them, a lot.
29th of July; Big silly brother came back and we(minus little brother) went to Hatyai. There's actually nothing much there but we love the Tecso Lotus. We really do. So we practically bought groceries in Hatyai. Ha ha ha!
30th of July; Little crankly brother came back from his campus and we all went back to Penang to welcome Ramadhan with our grandmother.

And that is pretty much my July. That's the big events, I didn't list down all the hangouts with all the friends because that would be too tiring to do at 3am in the morning. Hehe. I still think I should do a post on each on them, just so that I would remember them but I'll do so when I am ready and not so lazy :P

6 months of learning outside the classroom.

I wanted to join the Big 4. I wanted to know what was all the fuss about. I wanted to experience audit life. I wanted to know whether do I want to do it in the future.I wanted and I got it.

6 months of being clueless and nervous at all times is not fun but the experience that you get in return, is something that you can never trade it with anything else. I learned a lot in those six months.

 * Gah, my writing is getting a bit rusty. I can't construct a simple sentence properly. * 

With a few clients that I went to, I managed to learn about the routes available in KL. Going to work everyday seems like a new adventure especially if you're going to the office. Waking up at six,seven in the morning, getting ready, having to go through the Federal highway traffic and then you park your car at Lot F. A big car park area made specially for those working around that area but for the firm that I'm working for, its a bit special because we have our own shuttle bus. Its not a fancy bus. It's just another shuttle bus. Then, going into the building, we tag our own card and work starts.. Provided that there's any for you (interns).. If not, you can just lazy around and see who's online on ST and just start to chit chat. If there's no work, its a requirement for you to update your BBM status and change it to "Melangut" so that your other friends who are working there will know that you have nothing to do and their reply will be " You kat office jugak?! Yey! Let's have lunch together! Btw, I tengah melangut jugak!" And your BBM status will change again, " Melangut kat office with XXX" Hahaha this was among the fun things that I did at the office. Muahaha, other than that, having coffee at level 15 is quite exciting because sometimes, you just had to run upstairs or cabut from your seniors just to go have a laugh with your friend for a while, provided that there are friends la in the building. Other than that, you do some administrative work and you run around, going to the typist and such. Well, of course I had to do other things as well but you know, work is work. 

I actually intended to write a much proper version of my internship but God, I feel like writing it now but I am actually to sleepy. So, would I want to join the same company again? Frankly, I like the firm. Its a professional firm and when you tell people that you're from that particular company, they go like "Oh wow.." but I guess the reaction comes with a price, which means you work like a....... I mean, you work like crazy. Not that I had to work like crazy la the other day but you tend to observe and see the surroundings around you and you can't stop but ponder if this is what you want to go through in your future? After all, you only have one life. But then again, I actually like the nature of the work but I hate the formality of the work that comes along with it. I hate. And if I really want to join, then I know I have to sacrifice my time, a lot. But on the other hand, I know I need the exposure, the knowledge and the skills. I have none. I need some. I really do. So now, if you do see me at the same building in a year's time, you know why and probably that's the last and the hardest choice I had to make or most probably(the biggest possibility) because some investment bank  turn down my application to join them. 

That's why. 

In between Sife and life.

19 days ago, I was still working as an intern but today, I am just another student who is on her holiday, enjoying and savouring every moment of it, but I've got a long way to go before classes start in September. So, in the mean time, I am filling up my time with some Sife activities before I head home next week! :D 

19 days ago, I was counting my days, day and night, week by week, month by month but now, I can't even remember what day and date it is, I just live. 

I should make a new post about my internship now I guess because I don't want to forget it. Alright, jump to the next post.

Mandi is only an option.

This is actually my first day of doing nothing since I ended my internship, precisely 10 days ago. I practically did nothing. I woke up at 6.45am to pray and then, dozed off till 11am and the lazy routine goes on and on. I ate, I slept, I ate again, I woke up, I watched some television, I dozed off again and here I am. I had plans to go to Sh Alam today but my car is overheated for some reason that I cannot/do not know how to explain, hence my laziness.

Anyways, I have 3 things that I'd like to blog about actually, my internship and my 2 holidays but I guess I have to clean myself first before even thinking of blogging right? I haven't even taken a bath since morning. Told ya, its the holiday season.

This is my favourite picture of my 6 days holiday in Seoul. Suits me best. Suits us best.
Sleeping. Anywhere.

Google, thank you. I'd love to work with you.

And they say I don't write 'jiwang' material anymore. I googled the word jiwang and one of the definition is 'deeply in love' *face, meet palm*. They, who are they, sheesh, don't ask me who are they. So, my answer to that is, lately I haven't been inspired. So, they answered back 'Oh, all this while ade inspiration la?' or something like that. Bahahaha. That particular they, even munched her their Blackberry screen, just in case for future reference. Funny things that keep me laughing while I am driving (Oops).

I think it's quite obvious that I am bored and I am having a migraine attack. No food and drinks consumption since last night, due to obvious reason. (Read : fasting). I had to educate my associate about fasting. I told her I am hungry and I have a bit of a headache, she said 'Drink water laa'. Hahah. I wish I could. Hence, here comes my part where I have to tell her that we don't drink and eat from dusk to dawn, or is it the other way round, dawn to dusk. Wait, I'm gonna go google. Okay, got it. Dawn till dusk.

The other I had to educate them and (myself as well) about why women don't go to the mosque for Friday prayers. I was quite embarrased actually when I couldn't answer. I should have known why. So, a friend gave an answer through Twitter saying that it's because the mosque used to be small and limited, thus, the priority goes to the men. Wait, let me go ask Mr Google again. He seems to know it all :P

Oh my O_O The answers available is too broad. Seems like I need more time to do a research on this. As for now, time's up. Its 5.31pm. It's beyond my working hour :)

But hey, the core part of the post is still hanging ( At least I think so) about the jiwang part. The thing is, I can probably still write and the same person can still give me much inspiration. Just by looking at that person, can still give me like some kind of feeling ( Don't ask, I can't explain) but is it still appropriate to post it here?

They say ( Some other people, not the same they as above) that, the messages, notes and posts written but they are not being sent means a lot more. Hell, they mean a lot. Yes. Okay, I want to go back. Bye. That's the end of day 98709876097687 of my internship, Thus, 5 more days left. Toodles.

I have the biggest crush on you because you're dashing but that's just about it.

The countdown has started six months ago, I just didn't think that we would actually come this close to the end. 9 more days left, 6 more working days & one day for clearance.

The book that I have closed long ago, is slowly re-appearing in my sleep. It's a lose-lose situation, not a win-win situation. I snooze, I lose. I'm freshly awake, I still lose.

If I could just reveal myself, I would. It would make my life easier and your life a living hell. I just don't want to ruin it because I don't want people to do that to me as well.

If I can pick any place I want to go right now, it would be London. I just need 4 days. One day in Bicester and the other 3 days in Oxford St. I'll come back sane, happy, an empty pocket but a whole new wardrobe :)

Maybe I should start reading a book but not fiction ones. My vocabulary is so poor that the other day, I had to pretend like as if I understand what my mom was talking about when I dont. I need to brush up on my English words( a lot of them).

Maybe I should start a new routine. For example, wake up at 6.45am and not 7.15am so that I dont miss out my Subuh prayers but its a lot easier to be said that actually being done.

But over the days, I learned that when you make time for God, God will actually make time for you. InsyaAllah. I learned that the hard way because He pays cash these days. In cold hard cash.

But I also learned that I am actually going to miss working. Boo me! But I don't think I'm gonna miss it that much for me to stay for another two months though :p

You say I'm being defensive, I say you're being offensive.

Definition given by an anonymous. Thus, I am quoting the anonymous.

Mom worked on her magic trick again, last week.

She has been asking me to come back since last week. It's not that I didn't want to go back but a 2 day weekend is quite short and to go back and forth from KL to Alor Star is really tiring.

792km (392km x 2) in 2,880 minutes (48hours x 60minutes), is something.

BUT, when a mother asked you to do so, you will drag your lazy ass home.

To me, my mother's words are law as she speaks.

It's an unwritten rule that all four of us understand, in real silence.

Killer Instinct.

Sometimes,  I hate my instincts for being right. It should have been a reminder to tell myself to do the right things, to make the correct decision and to live peacefully but sometimes, you tend to go against your own self just to test the water out. Perhaps you should not have done that. Starting tomorrow, I have only 15 days left in the firm, because as much as I complain, I know I am going to end up with a bittersweet feeling and mixed emotions. Today, I went back at almost 9pm, I think this is the longest I've ever stayed just to finish my job. Usually, I'll just leave but today, the senior that I was helping was really nice, sweet, helpful and very down to earth. It didn't feel like a chore to help her out, it just felt good but come 8.45pm, I became fidgety. I wanted to go home. Haha. That was the  longest I can do. I will be happy to leave the work behind, happy to wake up late everyday but I will be sad thinking about how I can't just access the firm whenever I want to, well, not that I have any other purpose to do so, but you know, just having those options are better than, none! Hehe. 

Yesterday was Sharifah Sakinah's birthday (Happy birthday babe :D I wish you all the best in life and I hope you'll get married soon :DDD. Haha) but 6 days ago was another friend's birthday which I totally forgot and I feel like a bad friend, because up until now, I still haven't wished her yet. I promise I will do it after I am done with this, but just incase you're reading this Liy ( I can't type your name in full because if people were to Google you, they'd find my blog... So, Liy is fine right...) Happy 22nd birthday pretty :) New Zealand seems so faraway right now but I know you're coming back soon :DD

Birthdays add up another year to our age, and so, a friend is living up to it by getting hitched this coming weekend. I am 22 years old (soon, not yet) and I've got a close friend who is getting married. I can't even find my other half yet, I can't even decide what to eat for dinner on a daily basis, let alone to take care of another human being, and more human being to come?! Ahhhhh, it's not my turn yet so Fafa, congratulations on your wedding :) See you on Saturday!

I play a scene in my head and within seconds, it happened.