#K

K for Kerek and Gonjeng boy. 

#J

Would it be too much if I write about myself since this post starts with the letter J? I would like to assume that its not. Hehe. Facts about me?

1. The name Jasmin was given by my father without the knowledge of my mother. At first, my name was supposed to be Aiman Anis but my father thought it sounded like a boy. So, he just went with Jasmin. Somehow or rather, I think that is the reason why I associate with a lot of Aiman in my life. Haha.

2. My favourite number are 4 and 2 because when I was in Standard One, I got number 4 for my first term and number 2 for the last term. That was actually my first and my last time of going up the stage to receive present during my school years. Pathetic. I know. 

3. Dusty pink is my favourite colour since I was small. Everything in my room was pink, from the blanket, to ribbon and posters on the wall. My mother wanted me to be dainty and sweet since I was small but turned out, I am... not.. Hahaha. I still have my baby blanket and my white shoes when I was 2 years old and I intend to give it to my future daughter, when the time comes insyaAllah. Anyway when I turned 13, I decided to change my favourite colour to blue. It was quite stupid because one day, I just went to my mom and said "Ma, I've decided that I want to paint my room, sea blue. I've changed my favourite colour" How naive I was at that time. You don't change your favourite colour. It is your favourite, sometimes for no reason. Well, the things that I go through for me to learn about myself :P But anyway, my mother did entertain me and I got bored with the colour blue in less than a year. Pink is my favourite colour and recently, its grey :) The colour in between!

4. When I am bored, unhappy, stressed out, happy, sad and nervous, I will bite my nails, intensely. When I can't think straight, I will start to clean something up. Usually, to resolve everything, I will just call my mother. I love my mother too much :')

5. Throughout my entire life, I have truly only liked three boys. I've never been in a serious relationship. I'm scared of it. I think I've only love(d)/love (still,will,always) one out of all the three. I've never cried for a boy. I did go crazy for one. Period. 

6. I love to cook and bake but I'm not good at it. 

7. Kot, is my favourite word because I am always in between. Fickle minded perhaps? I don't think I am but I see the world as full of uncertainty. I learned my lesson the hard way and therefore, I hate planning. For example, esok pegi London tak? Pegi.. kot.. See. 

8. Adventurous is not my middle name. 

9. I used to be someone who is easily affected by the past. For example, anything anyone said to me in the past, anything that I have done in the past, places that I have been in the past but then I learned that just because things happened in the past, it doesn't mean that it will be there again in the future. People make promises in the past, they might break their promises in the future. When I was younger, I used to sit and reminisce about the past so much, that even going to the places that I have been could hurt me, easily but now that I am much older, I could put a stop to it. I can just say, "Hey so what if that has happened, it is in the past and nothing that you do now will change the past. Treasure what you've had, correct the mistakes and just live with it" 

10. I believe in signs. I don't know why. Sometimes, I think that it is syirik but somehow, these signs help you to make better decision. I've seen so many signs in my life, I think I should not interpret it anymore. It is scary now. 

11. My favourite thing to do is just drive around in the car with someone, and talk. Oh, sometimes I talk to myself while driving and I make it look like as if I am singing, but actually I am just clearing out my thought :) 

12. I think this is boring but I am a boring person. I can be serious and I can be loud at times but many says I am playful. Have you ever heard that you should not take life too seriously? 

13. I experienced too many acid-reflux lately that I think there is something wrong with my esophagus.

14. I love going to pretty looking malls with many bright lights. I love going to the Curve at night. 

15. Probably it runs in the blood, probably its not but I have got killer instincts. When I say killer, it means it is drop dead scary. Some of my friends have experienced it. Hehe. If I have the courage to tell my mother about something that has not happened yet, it means that I think it will come true. So far, one did come true and one has yet to come true. I am scared just thinking about it, but let's just see if it happens. If it did, I will definitely update it here.

#I

Let's make things a bit formal by discussing about investment for the letter I. Let's pretend that I am 23 years old already. Let's play grown up. Everyone can roughly explain what is investment but to sum it up in a few words can be quite tough, so I asked our good friend, Mr Google. Apparently, the word investment can be viewed from two different perspectives which are from the finance view, or the economic view. 

"Finance investment is putting money into something with the expectation of gain, that upon thorough analysis, has a high degree of security for the principal amount, as well as security of return, within an expected period of time"

" In economic theory, investment is the amount purchased per unit time of goods which are not consumed but are to be used for future production"                

                                                                                                                 (Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)

Bottom line, investment is something that will bring benefit to us in the future. Heck, I have no idea where I am going with this but it seems like everything we do in life should be beneficial for us, hence, anything that we do should be an investment but that doesn't mean that when we offer to do nice things to other people, in return we would want people to do the same for us. That is related to sincerity and that is another different topic. 

Being an accounting student/ accounting graduate ( YAHOOOOOO!), I see the word investment practically everywhere. One would only invest when there is a guaranteed return at the end of the tunnel. The higher the risk, the higher the return. It's a favourite phrase for all the finance lecturer but it seems impossible for one to calculate the risk. For me, risk is something that is very vague. You can try to count them but are they accurate? 

Everything seems so uncertain right now and I do not know what will be the best investment for my future. It would be nice if everything is laid out in front of me and all that I have to do is just venture into it with an open heart. A friend said that I should follow my heart. Frankly, my heart says find a job. Weird. I know. Another part of my heart says, go travel and explore the world. Oh, ignore that part of my heart. As much as I am worried, somehow I know that God will work things out for me. All I want is some stability in every part of my life. 

Sit right smack in front of your lecturer, this is a very good  investment. 

A few reliable multi coloured pens and a good pencil are worth the investment.
Actually, I didn't pay for the red and green pen.
Thanks .... firm ? Haha

No caption needed? 

Above everything else, education is the best investment that you could invest in. I used to be one lazy kid and I still am but when you're older, you can differentiate what is important and what is not. Being 23 years old sucks if I am going to be this boring. Let's go out lah!

#H

How do you know that you have had enough of something?
How do you tell that someone is angry at you?
How do you measure effort?
How do you go about your day carrying guilt?
How do you fix a broken heart?
How do you sleep at night knowing that your results are coming out soon?
How do you make a perfect creme brulee?
How do you tie your shoelace?
How do you apply for a job?
How do you know that you should pursue your ACCA full time or just do it on a part time basis?
How do you face your days when you just lost a parent?
How do you know that someone is right for you?
How do you wake up in the morning when you know your day will suck?
How do you sustain happiness?
How do you pretend to smile when there is a lump in your throat?
How do you go back to Shah Alam, knowing that your Mom wants you to stay in Kedah?
How do you conceal your feelings?
How do you even know that ACCA is the best professional qualification for you?
How do you get tickets to go see Adele live in London?
How do you remain calm when everyone around you is getting married?!
How do you cook crab the way that Fatty Crab cooks it?
How do you feel when God gives you signs regarding that one thing that you've tried to avoid?
How do you say sorry?
How do you stay focus when you're hungry?
How do you do it? Handling so many girls around you, efficiently?
How do drive a manual car?
How do you know which political party you should vote for?
How do you stay calm when you can't watch your favourite tv show?
How do you watch a stupid Malay horror movie in the cinema for 2 hours?
How do you manage your life?

#G

Perhaps, words cannot describe the night perfectly but maybe pictures will ? 

:)

The green midget that I like to talk about, Lyzer!
Happy birthday midget!

Keep calm and remain in Class B :)

He claims that he is my favourite senior, Megat and I think he is :)
Girls, he is single !

And there's Epul, in the middle of the girls !

My pretty long lost cousin, Dayah <3

Nice pose, Pah! 

With the first one among us to be called a mother, soon <3

The best performance of the night, as least the big crowd thought so.  Haha
Two days of practice for the rest of them but I had only 7 hours of practice
but it was so much fun especially when I forgot the dance steps.
Clearly, I wasn't born to dance but all the sweats and calories burned were worth it.
Hehe

The awesome photobooth but some were missing :( 

The Twitter-holics!

After the evening rehearsal before everyone gets dressed up,  beautifully :)

Hey, the girl on the left is responsible for our awesome Graduation dinner, Najwa
and I had my last presentation for my Degree with her, Syu and Aloyah!

:L

With Megat, the first favourite senior and my second favourite senior (Seriously) Syafiq and Sharifah.
Did I say thank you for laughing while I missed my steps during JaiHo?
Haha :PP

Class A and Class B

Cibi and I, with Mr KTM !

Guys, remember we had that awesome picture with all four of us during
Futsal Night?

Miss-responsible-for-perfectly-scheduling-our-timetable-for-the-last-eight-semesters and Aloyah, the best classmate ever
:')

Oh, ayu pulak semua orang :D

While watching the saddest montage ever :'(

After the rehearsal, getting all hyper before we get ready!

Spot the guy in the middle?
That's our favourite Head Programme in UiTM.
We all go... Auwwwww, Mr Ezrien everytime he passes by..
Yes, every single time, even if we happen to pass by him twice a day :)

Anis, Farah and Nur..

The day after..
One rushed back to make a pit stop at the Cameron Highland signboard,
One went to work early in the morning
and left us, having breakfast in Paris!

All glamed up and ready to make the grand entrance :DD

With Yana, the food globbler. Hehe.

Pardon ourselves, our VC came to our graduation dinner.
Yes, we were honoured :)

:)

My dramatic housemates!

And my dramatic classmates :DD

Credits to all the owners of the picture ; Qaila, Cibi, and more




And oh, 
this is my favourite picture of the night :)

This night proved that I made the right decision to pick accountancy over journalism. 
A decision I made in one night, that made my Mom raised her eyebrows,
but I followed my instinct and it led me to you guys.
Bimbos with brains. 
Hehe.
Love, love and love always.

Dusty space.

Its getting a bit dusty here. Clearly, I am in no mood for any kind of writing. Reason being, I am mentally exhausted. As of last week, I have been to five funerals for the last six months. I am not complaining but lately, I have been doing nothing, literally nothing but thinking. Initially, I had planned to write about Graduation Dinner for the letter #G but I can't seem to find the perfect word to describe the night. Two or three words were typed, but there's no ending to those words. Five funerals, can act as an eye opener. I take it, as the universe is trying to convey a message. Lord knows what is the reason behind it, I don't. 

Al-fatihah to those who had just lost their loved ones.. Our prayers will always be with them, InsyaAllah..

#F

So, I've waited patiently for this little naughty letter, where I can say, F stands for FUCK YOU! Hahaha okay, kidding :P Tonight, the letter F stands for fear, for a lot of things we fear of, for a lot of things we fear to face and for a lot of the unknown things we might encounter along the way. *Warning : It's a long post*

My biggest fear is of course, Allah SWT and if there's any Muslim out there who says he or she is not scared of Allah, is lying because after all, you should turn back to your Creator because one day, we will eventually go back to Him, the one and Only. Sometimes, I know that my actions and the way I carry myself doesn't show or reflect what I am saying but I am only human and I am truly scared of Him. I am trying to change myself and it needs more than just the physical change. I know I need to cover my head, I know but I am still looking for that courage to do so. There was this one event where it hit me and it hit me hard. I went for days, thinking about what happened and I am somehow, humiliated by myself. It happened when I was on my way back from Korea and at that time, I was alone. Before the gate closed, I boarded the plane and placed myself comfortably in the designated seat. Little did I know, I was seating to a Sri Lankan man. After a few hours in the flight, he initiated some small talk and because I was bored, we talked a bit. A few questions into the conversation, he told me is a Muslim and he asked what religion am I? At that point, I was stunned. By the look of what I was wearing that day, I surely did not present myself like a Muslim. I told him I was a Muslim and he said, where is my Hijab? He struggled to say the word hijab but I managed to understand because of the hand gestures that he did. I told him, my country was liberal enough to accept Muslims that don't cover their head but in my mind, I was puzzled. My country is liberal enough but my religion? If I had covered my head and presented myself like a true Muslim, I wouldn't be that ashamed and at that point, felt like I was just been hit by a brick. Even until today, I kept questioning myself why am I still not covering my head? I pray 5 times a day (I try) and I recite the Quran sometimes but why is it so hard for me to do that one compulsory thing? If you guys notice, I hardly wear shorts these days? Haha. There you go, baby steps. No point of me bragging about this because at the end of the day, it's between me and God but I've been carrying this thing for quite sometime and I hope when the right time comes, I will change :)

And of course, to elaborate on the fear of losing our parents would be unbearable. Let's not talk about things we can never alter. Thus, my second fear will be regarding my future and to be more specific, about marriage. Not wedding, but marriage because I can pretend to have a wedding but I can't pretend a marriage can I? I fear that I might not get married to the one that I truly love and of course, I am terrified thinking about the possibility of me not getting married at all. To be apart of the peer pressure thingy is one thing, but to be alone for the rest of your life can be the scariest thing. When there's no one for you to go back to.. Ah, just the thought of it, scares me. When I tell my friends this, they will say just have faith and continue praying. I am putting all my faith in God but it's only normal for you to have this curiosity about your future partner. Who is he? Do you know him now? If not, when will I meet him? How did I meet him? I am sooo curious about this and if only I have little sneak peeks of these questions, then maybe my curiosity will tone down a bit and my faith will always be restored and increased. I mean, have faith in Him, always. I pray to God hard everyday that I don't end up alone in this world, because being a lone ranger sucks if everyone else is already married.  After all, it is normal for human being to want to be loved and to love back. As for now, I am quite having fun :) 

I also fear that I might not be able to have my own  kids. Is this too much information already? I love cute little kids and to not be able to have them on my own someday will kill me on the inside. I am not scared of not having enough money in the world because no amount will ever be enough anyway. I am not scared of not getting the best position in the world because those are only material stuff and we can always work hard to achieve those material matter. One more thing, I fear that I might not be able to get over you. What if I don't get over you and we do not end up with each other? I don't think we'd end up with each other, by looking at the current situation now. Haha, I fear that one day I might confess to you, again and again and I might lose you for good. I'm scared to even tell you what I am feeling because at certain points, even I am not sure of what I am feeling. I fear that I might cross the invisible friendship line again because it is too fine that sometimes, the line seems blurry. I fear of talking to you in public because then people might be able to see how I really feel for you. I fear that you might not know that you have actually crossed the line and I am just too plain dumb to confront you and I can only wonder why without having the courage to do so. I fear that I can only ask myself what I mean to you because I know you will never ever tell me. I fear for a lot of things when it comes to you. I fear that you will read this. Haha. Ah, just when I am typing, you appeared. Scary shit.

Fearless is something that we aim to be but if we are always fearless, then perhaps we will not be humbled and we may be arrogant in many ways. I prefer to be fearful of something and be humbled along the way. 

#E for eh, my amazing housemates lah jugak!

We're handing over our house keys to the owner tomorrow, so it's safe to say that these are my ex-housemates now. For over 2 and a half years, we lived together in harmony. To move in with them, is one of those best decision that I've ever made because of all the obvious reasons. We hardly fought with each other because with them, I learned to talk things over. When one is dissatisfied with another, you discuss. 5 girls living together, sure it's not easy but we made it fun. We tolerated each other, we helped each other in every ways possible. We are always there for each other and for that, I love them very much. I know I can still pick up the phone and call them if I need help and I want them to know that they can rely on me for that too. One thing that I like about us is that, we somehow do not need a duty roaster. It seems like everyone knows their responsibility without having to write them on a piece of paper. The scenario that I am familiar with is, I reach home from class and I'll sweep the whole house and sometimes, I'll mop it. I'll just gather all the rubbish and put it aside in a big plastic bag. I'll collect all the mugs and I'll put it in the kitchen sink and my duty stops there once I go inside my room for a nap. Somehow, when I wake up later the rubbish will be gone and the sink will be empty. The work flow goes on without anyone complaining and that's why I think we are a good combination and oh, the amazing part of our every day is when we're watching the television together. They are the reason why I am addicted to the Malay series. Geez, thanks guys! If only we can watch Gemersik Kalbu together and perhaps we will be screaming together because the main actor is so freaking adorable (Or at least Aizzaty and I think so hehehehe) haih I miss you guys so much and  I love you guys lah and Nadia too! 

PS : Yazid is not my housemate. Sometimes, he comes by for group work and such but that's about it :P He doesn't own a bed in our house. 

#E for eh, my wonderful classmates lah!

..And I am missing each and everyone of you dearly..

I know time flies when you're having fun 

but I didn't expect it to move this fast.

<3

#E

Ever since I've been home, all that I have been doing is trying to fulfill that expectations that has been set by some people. Expectations in various forms, from one extreme point, to the other. If I ever reached or exceeded it, nothing will be exchanged in return but if I don't reach the expectation, there will be lots of complains coming my way. The house is not clean enough, the food is not spicy enough, there's too much clothes around or in other words, there's just so much complains. When the house is tip top, spick and span, suddenly everyone becomes speechless, no thank yous, or no gratitude expressed in return. Ho yeah. Love this unappreciated feeling. 

I see expectation as that goal, that target that someone has put on you or maybe, just your own expectations that you have set for yourself but one needs to know that expectations should be at par with one's ability and capability. Don't set your expectations as high as the sky and be disappointed when you don't reach it. The sky is too high, you can't reach it with just some ladder. Ho yeah. So, E is for expectations that are beyond reach.