#S

Got ambushed when I reached home, got attacked with disturbing words. 

After all the efforts that I've put in, trying to adjust to this new surroundings, 

I think my limit has been exceeded. 

Its so weird that when you think that you've reached an age of maturity, 

your environment acts like they are 16 years old.

This is not a place for me to start dissing anyone,

but this is a heartfelt post, where I feel like my voice will be heard here.

It felt like I was being invaded, I had no choice.

Every step I take is being watched, I can hardly breathe. 

So, I prefer to stay silent because if I ever let it out, I'm afraid my words might be hurtful

and maybe, my act afterward may never be able to compensate it. 

#R

Random, most of the time, we all are.
Random, most of the time, we go to places we have never been before.
Random, most of the time, we wonder about what could have been.
Random, most of the time, we question if we've given enough for us to receive that much?
Random, most of the time, we forget where we came from.

This is random, heck it is.

Randomly, it hit me.
What if I had taken the extra mile, to just go a little further, in achieving what I want?
Anything random in particular.
Just anything, perhaps something so significant, so important to me at that particular moment.
What if I had swallowed my pride & ego to just tell you the truth on that particular night?
After all, no one choked from eating up their own ego.
What if I had just studied more and try my best to increase my CGPA during my Degree?
After all, no one died from studying too much.
What if I had stopped eating pancakes and nutella so much when I was in Form 2?
Perhaps, I'll be much smaller now.

You know what, after what I just wrote it is quite obvious what is important to me.
Someone said, just by reading someone else's blog, you can interpret that person
and the same someone said, I am someone who needs to be read in between the line.
I guess so.

As you grow older, the little things that used to be trivial mean the most.
Things that cannot be explained in words but as you mature with time,
a person tend to be more observant and meticulous.

You know why I am being melodramatic today?
I visited a friend who just delivered a cute baby yesterday.
It is such a warm feeling for someone to be calling you a mom isn't it?
And the friend that is watching, which is me and the other 16 or 17 of us, can't help it but feel a tad too old.

And, I went to Petrosains for the first time, ever.
It was one hell of a RANDOM trip!
KLCC can be called my fourth home, after Alor Star, Ampang and Shah Alam
and yet, I was too ignorant to enter into the magical space of science.
Having a set of wacko and on the go friends helped :)
See, I felt like I skipped a bit of my childhood and at 23 years old, I had to find a way to recover it.
Thank God I did, and not when I have reached 43 years old or more. Hehe

Random much?
I am trying to bite my nails now and other than that, I, hereby, promise to go the extra mile in everything that I do. I am done, wishing, thinking and hopelessly playing those stupid imaginary conversation in my head about anything. Anything.

While the Sultan was being installed as the 14th Yang Dipertuan Agong of Malaysia,
we learned about science :)


Credit to Qaila, for the picture taken.

#Q

It should have been an exciting day, as it was a day filled with events with family and friends. From the moment I opened my eyes, I had friends to wake me up. Mind you, I am not one of those girls who wake up with the brightest smile on her face, I am one of those girls who need time to warm up in the morning but still, on that one particular day, the sun was shining a bit brighter and I had interesting things to wake up to. If I were to put things in sequence, the first person to cheer me up was perhaps, my classmates/coursemates/housemates because we sang to Demi Lovato's song in the car, pretending that we were in the karaoke box. It was just like any other car ride to class, but somehow "Give Your Heart A Break" seems like a good anthem these days. Secondly, Hilary Duff finally uploaded Luca's pictures after 14 days of torture. He looks like her. A boy version of Hilary Duff. Thirdly, my group which consisted of three people, managed to escape from presenting on that particular day. As much as I'd like to get it over and done with, I still wasn't in the mood to present as it was quite awkward to be presenting in class, after so long. Fourthly, I had a good 2 hour nap after class.  A nap that can be categorized as a power nap. Hmmm. 2 hours, it should have been powerful isn't it? Later, I had lunch. A short lunch with someone that should have been the person that could make or break my day. Surprisingly, I still was not excited after that. I came back home, opened my laptop and started applying for jobs. Why did I fill up for jobs application? It was because I'd rather do that, than starting to flip the books in front of me. I was looking for excuses, reason to not touch those black and white pages. Next, I finally started to browse through the pages and I found strength to look into the Agency relationship between the principal and the agent. Funny how I've been studying this topic since last year but every single time that I read it, I'd still get confused. Weird. Then, it was dinner time with the cousins. When it comes to dinner with family, I've embedded my brains with little mental notes. For example, dinner will always start late, no matter how early everyone has promised to be there. Minor factors, like TRAFFIC and KABUTNESS of everyone should have been included while planning. Nonetheless, dinner with the cousins will always be entertaining and anything swallowed, will make my tummy smile :) And then, we had a coffee session and I went back home. 

This day should have been an exciting day, because just by looking at the 'itinerary' of my day, I am exhausted but I was not. Thankful for the day, I really am but somehow, the day went by so quietly, I was still looking for some kind of sparks, because I spent time with the most important people in my life on this specific day but somehow, something did not click. It feels like it was one of those days where it feels really empty and quiet. I was bored, even just by looking at you. It was weird. Yes, perhaps, it really was one of those quiet days. 

#P

Stumbled upon a nice quote today, it says " PATIENCE is not about how long one can wait, but how well one behaves while waiting". A short sentence yet, it serves several meanings. Under certain circumstances, this quote fits me well right now. To ever have that faith that things will turn out well, one has to have the utmost faith in whatever he does. Being patient is something that we hope to have as one of our main characteristics but when times get tough, some will just act out of anger and forget the meaning of being patient. 

My father is an example of a very patient man and I'd like to think that I am just as patient as he is :P Sometimes, even the simplest task, such as waiting for us by the school porch can be a difficult task if one does not have the patience to do so but my father will wait for us outside the school porch, even if we are late by one hour. He waits patiently, knowing that we're still in our extra classes. Sometimes, he will just read the newspaper and sometimes, he just listens to the radio. As we enter the car, he will not get angry, at all. I will just say "Sorry Pa, lambat" and he says "Okay" and life moves on as usual. In contrast, my mother will be angry and says "I am not picking you up tomorrow, your father will do so! " Hahaha. How a marriage works, I guess. The power of Ying and Yang. 

If there's anything that I'd like to have in this world, it would be to have passion and to be patient but come to think of it, if you're passionate in something that you do, you would not mind in being patient and to wait for the best results of it. You will be patient even if you are running in circles, going around nowhere while doing what you love to do. You will not get bored watching something that you adore, something that you wish to acquire, be it a skill, a qualification, a trophy, a car or perhaps, someone? :P 

Right now, what bothers me the most is that my expectation of being 23 years old doesn't seem to match with where I am right now. In your mind, you've created this path for your career, for your life and a wrong turning alters everything. This is what I mean by being patient and hoping that life will take you to a better road, with a greater ending. I'd always thought that by now, I'd have everything figure out, or at least, I've got one thing figured out. I have not figured anything out. I haven't. I haven't. 

#O

iPod, iPad, iPhone... Obsession with these coolest gadgets will never come to an end. The latest gadget makes it debut at the top shelf, and the older version of it only gets the lower shelf. Assuming that the newest gadget is revamped with additional over-the-top features, everyone is rushing to go and get it and the previous model becomes obsolete. While everyone is eagerly waiting for the new iPad 3 to hit the stores, I am patiently waiting for the price of iPad 2 to drop, drastically, even if it is not possible. But, but here's the tricky part. What's the point of me having an iPad actually, or even an iPod touch? I love pretty things and iPad 2 can be easily categorized as one of those pretty things that I love but shouldn't I wait for iPad 4 to come out, so that the price of iPad 3 will drop? What is this stupid equation that I am making but you get the picture here right? These gadgets will always be improvised and the latest one will always come and how do I decide which one will be the best? 

The argument went on and on from a few weeks back and it still occurs, once in a while.. My answer is to just stick to my obsession with handbags and purses. Well, actually, not that I have that many but my first paycheck will find its way to the nearest Prada shop in exchange of a solid dusty pink purse HAHA Yes. It's a dream of mine. Somehow...when I see that particular purse, I can feel it calling my name... and all I can do is... just smile back and whisper to it.. "I'll be your saviour...soon" HAHAHAHAHA entah-entah first gaji nanti tak cukup nak bayar kereta pon! I will work hard.... I will... Hard enough to... *to be continued*

Oh, speaking about my obsession. I'd like to welcome Luca Cruz Comrie into the world ! You're only 8 days old but you're loved by millions other fans :)) There's no solid issue in this post actually but these past few days, I've been thinking about getting an Apple product but I can't find any concrete reason for having one other than, for entertainment purposes. The thing is, have I not been getting enough entertainment already? Shouldn't I be obsessed with books? I need to be obsessed with it. One day, perhaps. 

PS : After the letter M should be N, I know. I am skipping this letter, just because.. Just because..

#M

Miracles, commonly associated with something that happens attributed to the divine intervention. One does not simply encounter with miracles on a daily basis, or else it is not known as miracles. It might have been just a norm, a plan that was well-planned. A friend answered only 5 lines for his 40 marks question and ended his lines with " I am sorry, my mind went blank..." and he passed his paper when the other 60 course mates failed the same subject. I believe, that's a miracle, if you see it from his perspective. A mother lost her daughter in a shopping mall for hours, she went to perform her prayers and suddenly, her daughter was found. I believe, that's a miracle, if you see it from her perspective. Something that happens at the right time, at the right moment. Something that you wished would happen and with deep prayers and determination, it happens because God can read your mind and he knows what is in your heart, even if you don't say it out loud.

Personally, a miracle would be if I can get a job right now, be it a permanent job or a part time. Logically, I am starting to doubt my own decision of doing my ACCA as a full time student. 10 hours of classes per week, which means I have only one class per day and it ends at 2pm, the latest. Ample of time and by that, it means, ample of time being wasted. Its a bit funny now that I have my Degree and I am looking for a part time job at some fast food chain, instead of using my qualifications for a proper job and pursuing my ACCA only as a part time student. Seems like a messed up plan, yes, I think so too. Reason being, Mom doesn't want me to fail my papers. As lame as it might sound, I think I work better when I am under pressure. I am not saying there's no pressure now because now, the pressure is higher because everyone expects you to pass on your first sitting because you're doing it as a full time student. If I really did  pass on my first sitting, that's a miracle alright! 

I am just lost right now, but I read somewhere it is okay to be lost at times because by then, you'll have time to explore your options. Narrow down your choices. As for me now, all I can do is narrow down my invisible choices! Anyway, back to the topic of miracles, sure I've seen miracles but it is a lot more magical when a miracle happens when you're with your friends. Hahaha. It's a funny story but I shall just keep it to myself. Miracles make you think hard, about God.

#L

Few weeks back, I've written a mental post for the letter L but magically, it didn't appear on my blog. So, now I am finally in the mood to type out a proper one but I reckon it'll be different from the one I've mentally written a while ago. A while ago, I had a short holiday to visit Hannah and Aina in London. Initially, I wanted to just enjoy my last week of the holiday at the serenity of my own home but it has been decided that I got to pay them a visit. All I can say is, FINALLY because the last time I planned this, it was cancelled due to appendicitis. 

During this last trip of my last free ticket, I discovered new things and I visited new places. In those 8 short days, I managed to meet up with some old schoolmates and old coursemates during my Diploma. Thank you for dinner, Faqi. Thank you Oggy, Shahrir and Dyad for an unbelievable amount of raw salmon intake during dinner. Thank you for coffee, Ezzaty. Thank you for lunch and dessert, Shakirah. Thank you Hannah and Aina for being the most wonderful and welcoming hostess.. Hostess? I think that is the word. Haha. If I were to list down the things Hannah did for me while I was there, this post would be a a long post for you then. Haha I am more than thankful and if I can repeat it, again I shall do so but probably a little less trifle this time because everyone says I am fat now. Huh! Evil people! ..... but yes, I did gain weight. I thought with the amount of walking I did, the calories intake would have been set off, I was wrong.. So wrong..

To compensate the small white lie that I told my father about this trip.. I really did visit a lot of university. Truth is, I told him I'm going for a holiday only one week before and he goes... "What?" and I said "Oh, I am going to visit the university, checking out which university suits me best for my professional papers.." Firstly, only certain COLLEGES offer those accounting professional papers, not universities. Hahaha. I bet my dad knows her daughter too well already but yes, I did go around the university or more like I visited those impossible university I could ever enter. We went to Oxford Uni :O Impressive ! And then, we went to Cambridge :OO There was this cute Malay guy in one of those halal shops, the attractive meter went up to the boiling point! And we did get to see the University of Portsmouth's library and it reminded me of PTAR. No joke and lastly, I went to University College of London. Not bad, but the buildings were so scattered around the block, I need more than a month to catch up and locate the buildings. There, see. I did visit many universities and technically, I did not lie.

And all the pictures surfaced on Facebook did portray a fun learning experience that I had, because truthfully, I did had fun but somehow, my heart is not there, my heart is still in Malaysia when the topic about studying abroad comes up, every single time. Maybe, I love going out to see other people's country but I still love my own country more to stay here and study here. To be away from my family, is not a risk that I am willing to take now, especially after going through 5 funerals in the last 6 months. I suppose, there must be a reason why I didn't get to further my studies abroad and now that I can try to do so, at least by applying for scholarships and loans, I am not interested to do so. At all, weird indeed. 

Anyway, here are some of the pictures :) 

In front of one of the colleges in Oxford. Boy, was I excited or what.. During that time, the students were running on the track field. They looked like normal British students but when you're an Oxford student, suddenly...
Yeah, suddenly..

Ahhh, the picture uploader is not cooperating well right now.

This post ends here then.

#K

K for Kerek and Gonjeng boy. 

#J

Would it be too much if I write about myself since this post starts with the letter J? I would like to assume that its not. Hehe. Facts about me?

1. The name Jasmin was given by my father without the knowledge of my mother. At first, my name was supposed to be Aiman Anis but my father thought it sounded like a boy. So, he just went with Jasmin. Somehow or rather, I think that is the reason why I associate with a lot of Aiman in my life. Haha.

2. My favourite number are 4 and 2 because when I was in Standard One, I got number 4 for my first term and number 2 for the last term. That was actually my first and my last time of going up the stage to receive present during my school years. Pathetic. I know. 

3. Dusty pink is my favourite colour since I was small. Everything in my room was pink, from the blanket, to ribbon and posters on the wall. My mother wanted me to be dainty and sweet since I was small but turned out, I am... not.. Hahaha. I still have my baby blanket and my white shoes when I was 2 years old and I intend to give it to my future daughter, when the time comes insyaAllah. Anyway when I turned 13, I decided to change my favourite colour to blue. It was quite stupid because one day, I just went to my mom and said "Ma, I've decided that I want to paint my room, sea blue. I've changed my favourite colour" How naive I was at that time. You don't change your favourite colour. It is your favourite, sometimes for no reason. Well, the things that I go through for me to learn about myself :P But anyway, my mother did entertain me and I got bored with the colour blue in less than a year. Pink is my favourite colour and recently, its grey :) The colour in between!

4. When I am bored, unhappy, stressed out, happy, sad and nervous, I will bite my nails, intensely. When I can't think straight, I will start to clean something up. Usually, to resolve everything, I will just call my mother. I love my mother too much :')

5. Throughout my entire life, I have truly only liked three boys. I've never been in a serious relationship. I'm scared of it. I think I've only love(d)/love (still,will,always) one out of all the three. I've never cried for a boy. I did go crazy for one. Period. 

6. I love to cook and bake but I'm not good at it. 

7. Kot, is my favourite word because I am always in between. Fickle minded perhaps? I don't think I am but I see the world as full of uncertainty. I learned my lesson the hard way and therefore, I hate planning. For example, esok pegi London tak? Pegi.. kot.. See. 

8. Adventurous is not my middle name. 

9. I used to be someone who is easily affected by the past. For example, anything anyone said to me in the past, anything that I have done in the past, places that I have been in the past but then I learned that just because things happened in the past, it doesn't mean that it will be there again in the future. People make promises in the past, they might break their promises in the future. When I was younger, I used to sit and reminisce about the past so much, that even going to the places that I have been could hurt me, easily but now that I am much older, I could put a stop to it. I can just say, "Hey so what if that has happened, it is in the past and nothing that you do now will change the past. Treasure what you've had, correct the mistakes and just live with it" 

10. I believe in signs. I don't know why. Sometimes, I think that it is syirik but somehow, these signs help you to make better decision. I've seen so many signs in my life, I think I should not interpret it anymore. It is scary now. 

11. My favourite thing to do is just drive around in the car with someone, and talk. Oh, sometimes I talk to myself while driving and I make it look like as if I am singing, but actually I am just clearing out my thought :) 

12. I think this is boring but I am a boring person. I can be serious and I can be loud at times but many says I am playful. Have you ever heard that you should not take life too seriously? 

13. I experienced too many acid-reflux lately that I think there is something wrong with my esophagus.

14. I love going to pretty looking malls with many bright lights. I love going to the Curve at night. 

15. Probably it runs in the blood, probably its not but I have got killer instincts. When I say killer, it means it is drop dead scary. Some of my friends have experienced it. Hehe. If I have the courage to tell my mother about something that has not happened yet, it means that I think it will come true. So far, one did come true and one has yet to come true. I am scared just thinking about it, but let's just see if it happens. If it did, I will definitely update it here.

#I

Let's make things a bit formal by discussing about investment for the letter I. Let's pretend that I am 23 years old already. Let's play grown up. Everyone can roughly explain what is investment but to sum it up in a few words can be quite tough, so I asked our good friend, Mr Google. Apparently, the word investment can be viewed from two different perspectives which are from the finance view, or the economic view. 

"Finance investment is putting money into something with the expectation of gain, that upon thorough analysis, has a high degree of security for the principal amount, as well as security of return, within an expected period of time"

" In economic theory, investment is the amount purchased per unit time of goods which are not consumed but are to be used for future production"                

                                                                                                                 (Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)

Bottom line, investment is something that will bring benefit to us in the future. Heck, I have no idea where I am going with this but it seems like everything we do in life should be beneficial for us, hence, anything that we do should be an investment but that doesn't mean that when we offer to do nice things to other people, in return we would want people to do the same for us. That is related to sincerity and that is another different topic. 

Being an accounting student/ accounting graduate ( YAHOOOOOO!), I see the word investment practically everywhere. One would only invest when there is a guaranteed return at the end of the tunnel. The higher the risk, the higher the return. It's a favourite phrase for all the finance lecturer but it seems impossible for one to calculate the risk. For me, risk is something that is very vague. You can try to count them but are they accurate? 

Everything seems so uncertain right now and I do not know what will be the best investment for my future. It would be nice if everything is laid out in front of me and all that I have to do is just venture into it with an open heart. A friend said that I should follow my heart. Frankly, my heart says find a job. Weird. I know. Another part of my heart says, go travel and explore the world. Oh, ignore that part of my heart. As much as I am worried, somehow I know that God will work things out for me. All I want is some stability in every part of my life. 

Sit right smack in front of your lecturer, this is a very good  investment. 

A few reliable multi coloured pens and a good pencil are worth the investment.
Actually, I didn't pay for the red and green pen.
Thanks .... firm ? Haha

No caption needed? 

Above everything else, education is the best investment that you could invest in. I used to be one lazy kid and I still am but when you're older, you can differentiate what is important and what is not. Being 23 years old sucks if I am going to be this boring. Let's go out lah!