stuck between silence and feelings

its been at least 2 weeks now into the new semester. usually, i'll have a very high spirited beggining but not this time around. sucks! i need motivation. yeah yeah. study now or you'll regret later. i hear them all the time but urrrghhh. anyway, im caught in between right now. torn between my feelings and things i should have said. i know i'll be relieved after i say ' these' things but i can't. cannot. i'll hurt myself even more. how do you please the person you love? things are left half way dead. i need to regain my consciousness and re invent my self. but at 19 and trying to RE INVENT yourself? i should invent, not re invent. all i wanna do now is go to penang and do things i should have done earlier.