Powerful mind.

It's been a while since I last encountered with 'signs'. I don't even remember when was the last time but usually, you will just appear at every whisper of my heart. Oh so geli but so true. Its Ramadhan and I dare not ask for silly things because I am aware of the power of the month. You pray for something nice, God will grant you 'it' at the very moment but today, you came across my mind and I pondered where were you. It was just a normal question because I think we are at the same place, geographically. A few hours later, your car passed by mine. I took it as an indication that you're here. Yes you are. Maybe I am reading too much into this, maybe but you didn't appear when I didn't ask for it. You only appear when I do. Rephrasing that, you always appear in front of me when you're on my mind. Get it?

The little things in life.

And so I passed my first ever professional paper, alhamdulillah. It felt good, knowing that all your efforts and prayers paid off. If I had failed, I know who to blame. (The one and only, yours truly who went out most of the nights, when she should be staying at home and study) And of course, if I failed it must have been because I was not ethical enough because it was a Corporate Governance paper. Lol! This time around, I passed because I studied hard, prayed hard and of course, with the extra touch of my parents' blessings. I am one who believes deeply in these kind of things because when you've been through it, you will feel its presence. This is sort off the part two of my previous post. 

As I grow older, I'm starting to realise the importance of having a good relationship with my parents, especially my mother. My days would suck if we're on bad terms. My days would feel empty without her calls. Basically, I try my best to please her on a daily basis but all of these have been learned in a few years time, especially ever since I've been living on my own. At the end of the day, your life would be blissful if your parents are happy, not your friends, not your siblings and most importantly, not your boyfriend. I come back at my mother's command. Sometimes, I get a phone call from my mother asking me to come back on the same day. Mind you, Alor Star is far and it gets tiring sometimes but... when your mother asks you to come back, she means it. As a matter of fact, I sort of plan my daily schedule at my mother's command. For example, entertain my grandmother, go visit my uncle, go back to Ampang, buy her curtains, and sometimes, go see her customer. 

To cut my long story short, during the one month study break, my mother wanted to bring my grandmother back to Alor Star knowing that I would be at home studying. Frankly, I cringed a bit when I found out about it. For me to be taking care of my grandmother when I am free and doing nothing would be more than fine but to take care of her during my study week would be quite a challenge. I did complain to a friend but she sort of said "Come on, takpe, buat je bagi dapat berkat" I took a really deep breath and I did. My priority changed during that time. Studying comes second and I would only do it if I had the time and energy. Pffttt! Excuses after excuses. Basically, all I did for the first two weeks was entertaining my grandmother who loves to go out for breakfast, lunch, tea and dinner. Sometimes, it would just be the two of us going out for breakfast and lunch. Sometimes, Mom would give me time to study and took my grandmother out for tea. Any ways that would fit our timetable. Somehow, it worked. My grandmother can be quite funny sometimes. She would pat the pillows a few times and say "Tido jom, asyik belajar je nak" HAHA I barely touched the books when she was around but when I do, she'd day "Mintak lulus la nak ye, rajin sangat" Hahahahaha funny but that's a doa right there and it came true.

Later, I went back to Shah Alam with a worried heart and empty mind. I had to start from scratch but I had two weeks to study. I was more than thankful for those two weeks. Probably one would say 'Alah, jaga maktok je kot, semua orang jaga kot' but I hardly do so, thus it is not an ordinary act for me. I would say the timing was right. I've heard a saying "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it" Fair enough, it is true. My mother was more than happy for that two weeks, to be having her mother around with us. I made her happy that two weeks. In return, I received more than what I bargained for. Probably one would say 'Oh come on, orang lain relax je pass tak kecoh pon' Hahaha okay, mohon faham ni blog sapa. Kahkahkah. Annoying kann.

I am not trying to say that I passed because I took care of my grandmother but it goes beyond that. Of course, those daily visits to the library, helpful friends and seniors made it possible but I really think that it was my parents' blessings that added the extra few points in the exams. At the end of the day, we only have one mother and one father. It took me a while to comprehend that fact. Appreciate them while they are still around and your life will work itself out, miraculously. I love my parents too much ;') for everything. Its the little things in life that counts and sometimes, you can't see it but you can definitely feel it.

This feels like a thank you speech, in a way. Haha. Its more than that. I see it as a reflection ;) For me to improve and refine. 

The 11th day of Ramadhan.

Last year, this time of the year was my favourite time but somehow, it feels different this year. Probably because I am not trying hard enough to be a good servant or maybe because I've been spending too much time hanging out, or more like making up for the lost times I might incur in the future, really near future. Every night before I go to sleep, I question my decision of opting to work this September. No point of me pondering upon the same question over and over again, knowing that I will never be ready for it. Heart feels all over the place, as it wishes to be at home during this blessed month. Not to mention, screwed up sleeping pattern and weird food cravings lately. I take it as a challenge, I should be thankful. Thankful with everything that I have and to sincerely mean it and understand the concept of being thankful. It's more than just saying it, it is something that you will have to fully comprehend.

Going into this particular week, I stepped in with the wrong foot and a wrong turn. I promised a bunch of friends that I'd break fast with them when I should have spent my time with my grandmother. Soon after I left the house, my heart felt reluctant to drive forward but remembering how excited my friends are, I slowly marched on. If I was a good granddaughter, I would have taken a u-turn and at this point of time, I wished I did. I am not complaining nor am I trying to portray a bad image of myself but my grandmother can be a very difficult woman but coming from the same genes, probably I'll be the same when I turn her age, with God's willing. Who knows.. So, my week proceeded as usual with little mishaps happening here and there. It has not been a good week. Here I am, typing something that I regretted which could have been avoided if I were not that stubborn. 

Learning about yourself can be the hardest thing especially when you're learning it from your mistakes. No, I am not being a goody two shoes or something but if there's anything that I believe in during my almost 23 years of living on Earth is that, if you do things with the blessings from your parents, especially your mother, the things that you do gets easier. If there's anything that can make you happy, is when your mother is happy and the way to make your mother happy is if her mother is happy. It's a chain of reaction. There are 7 days in a week and I try to keep that in mind. If I had a bad day, I try to cheer myself up by reminding myself that there are better days ahead. True but the guilt that you carry from previous days doesn't vanish just like that. 

11 days into Ramadhan, I still have 19 days to make up for it. Please the elder ones, may also indirectly please myself. I hate blurting out my regrets, especially when it all boils down to one wrong deed. To avoid this ordeal to occur again in the near future, I should write it down and paste it everywhere. "Remember the golden rule; Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" In other words, I'll get old one day and of course, I want my children and grandchildren to take care of me. But of course, to put aside my grumpy and impatient attitude now would be the ultimate challenge. That's what Ramadhan is for, for you to improve yourself. I think so. 

I hope it's not too late to wish Selamat Berpuasa and have a blessed Ramadhan :)

#Z

Here we go, after 7 months of prolonging this agenda I'm finally at the last alphabet but of course, I skipped one, just because. Last night, the name Zayn Malik came to mind and I thought, 'Hey this boy is too good looking, God created his face so perfectly that I think he deserves a post' but then I spelled his name wrongly, Zayn Malek and then within minutes, I got slammed by the Directioners. Kahkahkah! But seriously, he is so handsome, too handsome with his chiseled jaw, symmetrically shaven sideburns, black thick nice eyebrows, oh I can go on and on but the thing is, he is too good looking, that he dares not look into his fan's eyes knowing that they will melt upon seeing him. Urm, very considerate. One girl fainted when he touched her hand at a meet and greet session in the States. Seriosusly, go youtube it. (Zayn Malik girl faint) Crazy, but probably I'll faint too if Ashton Kutcher touches my hand, or maybe I'll faint right at 'Hi'. 

Who wouldn't faint when this guy touches you? Hahaha and this is not even a good picture of him and yet, he looks so good. Haih. But I'll drop dead if I see this one. 

                                                                             Hi ;')

Now, this post is actually about something else lah. #Z is about zoo. A place that I bet everyone has been to but I have not. Evidently, it is because of my lack of interest towards animals but now that I am older, I do feel like I missed out a bit during my childhood. If I were to list out to the animal places that I have been, its quite acceptable. I've been to the mini zoo in Melaka where it has crocodile and some other reptiles. I've seen Orang Utan when I was in Kuching. I've been to Sea World in Houston. If I were to accumulate my experience, probably I've (almost) been to a zoo and not to forget, my house with 8 cats at all times but I have not been to a proper zoo. 

My friends promised me that they'll take me there one day but do I really want to go there? Hahaha or am I just going there for the sake of 'Yes, I've been there, done that!' Urm, actually. Yes. One day, I have to go to the zoo and I hope it won't be until the day where I'll be taking my own kids to the zoo and they'll ask me, "Mama tu binatang apa?" "Taktau la sayang, Mama pon first time datang sini" LOL! Noooooooob! 

                      That's me trying to kiss a fish. No fish came near me. Mission aborted. Haha. 

Lately, I've been going to the local attractions in KL. Probably because I know I can't go abroad for a long time, anymore, might as well make use of what is here. Hihihi. Since my exam was done by the 20th of June, I was free like a bird after that. So, I googled 'Things to do in KL' and a few suggestions came out. For instance, one should visit : 

1. The Petrosains.

Checked.

 2. I-city in Shah Alam. 

Checked.

3. Istana Negara (The old one)

Checked.
(The Istana is open to public now and it's free. Do pay them a visit and you'll see why Malaysia needs a new Istana ;P )

4. Menara KL 

Half-checked.
(We actually went to Menara KL but the price to go up the tower was quite pricey , RM 60 bucks with the 3D rides or something. We were not prepared for it! So, we ditched the tower, took a picture with a pony and went to Sungai Wang instead hehe!)

5. Dataran Merdeka 

Half-checked
(I didn't go down and run freely at the Dataran itself,  we just passed by)

6. Putrajaya, of course. 

Checked.

7. Broga Hills.

Checked.
(First and last eh haha penat gile)

8. Bagan Lalang - Checked.

9. Cyberjaya -Checked

10. Playing Baseball in One Utama -Checked.

11. Bukit Cerakah in Shah Alam - Checked.

12. Pusat Sains Negara at Bukit Kiara - Checked. 

13. KLPac- Checked.

14. Sunway Lagoon - Checked.

Well, that's all that I can remember now. I'd love to go visit :

1. Batu Caves.

2. Muzium Negara.

3. ZOO NEGARA. 

4. Central Market.

5. Setia Alam City Mall (Lame, I know haha ) but they said it looks like Westfield. I looove Westfield.

6. Lake Garden.

That's all for now? I bet you guys are questioning why am I doing this? You know why? I've got all the free time in the world now. I'm free 6 days a week and my class is on a Sunday. Wasalam!

Turning 23 years old soon and my mother still buys me pyjama pants, I should be thankful aren't I? Normally, I would have picked a more serious design and my sister gets a funky ones, to match our personalities (puke rainbows) but this time around, I decided that we should get the same pattern but of course, different sizes. Huh! One of the things in life that are planned, but what about those that happen coincidentally? Are there such things? Of course there are but how far can we see one thing, event, moment or thought as a coincidence and not a sign? Too much coincidences have made me a very confused and puzzled kid. Too much interpretations of it made me seemed like a girl who lives in her own self-made fantasy. Live moderately with an average amount of fantasies and dreams, I have tried and frankly, its a bit boh oh ring but its doable. But sometimes, just sometimes, when those coincidences or in other words, something that you did not plan to happen, happened right in front of your bare eyes, you can't help it but to take it as a sign from the universe. If only I have the courage to use real life examples here, I don't. So right now, in this limited amount of cyber space given, I shall just leave an abstract thought, for the concrete ones need to gather its courage for it to have its own post. InsyaAllah, some day. Salam Nisfu Syaaban ;)

#Y

One of those nights where I feel the need to create a line or two, be it right or wrong. Weather seems so chilly these past two days, the air-con controller can be chucked aside, comforter seems like the best hiding place. Strolling around town with the windows down, one might have thought we're in London for a second, especially when the car passed by the mini I-City in front of Masjid Zahir. Life seems so easy in Alor Setar but literally, it is easy. 

Growing up, I have always had both my parents at home, all the time. Since both of my parents are academicians, its rare for them to be working at night. So basically, they are at home by 4pm. During my primary years, my siblings and I took the bus to go to school and when we entered into our secondary schools, my mother will send us to school and my father will pick us up, occasionally but mostly, my mother will pick us up. In the evening, we will be sent for our Quran classes, every single day and at night, time will be spent at the tuition centers. In between, we will go for swimming lessons, movies, hang outs and more. 

It was not easy but it is sufficient for my growing up needs. From what I remembered, I had great memories because my parents were always around to teach me how to read when I was 4 years old, to wash my plates when I was 5 years old, to sweep the floor when I was 6 years old, to take care of my little sister when I was 7 years old, to lock the house when I was 8 years old, to start praying properly when I was 9 years old, to start fasting when I was 10 years old, to play badminton when I was 11 years old, to study hard when I was 12 years old, to behave when I was 13 years old, to not follow the wrong set of friends when I was 14 years old, to not get attached to a boy when I was 15 years old, to not go against your own parents when I was 16 years old and to choose the right path for my career at 17 years old. 

Those are some of the things that I can remember vividly. Mom has always asked me to be careful when it comes to mingling with boys, extra reminder to not be attached to a guy at a very young age and every time I am close to a guy, those words will come banging in my head. Yes Mom. I wish my parents would have told me the significance of praying daily, rather than asking us to do so and punishing us with a belt when we did not because to understand something and to do it seems more reasonable rather than to do it without knowing why. Its those little things that get stuck in your head, for a longer time. Of course, now we all know why.

A normal conversation between my friends and I will always stumble upon whether do we want to settle in Kedah for good when the right time comes? To be honest, I do but with all these visions and missions(WOW!) that I have in life, it seems unfair for me to discount them when I make those decisions. At the end of the day, it is my life but I want to be able to be there for my future kids later, just how my parents have always been there for me through thick and thin, throughout my stupidest decisions and the wise ones. 

Conclusion of this post is... Haha.. I wish I could just stay here because life is simple here but there's nothing much to be offered here other than the food is much more cheaper here, houses are of course, cheaper, but at the end of the day, it is your life, your say. Pretty much, you have to choose the life that will make you happy or at least, not miserable. If you're happy single, so be it. If you're happy being a workaholic, then be it. If you're happy going out with a married guy, so be it. If you're happy with 10 kids, so be it. If you're happy riding a motorcycle, then be it. 

It's 1.25am, I am still deciding whether I should perform that endoscopy procedure or not. Honestly, life here feels right. 

#X

I cringe a little when the letter X is next in line and I ponder why did I start this alphabet posts because it is so hard to come up with a suitable word that starts with X. Haha but not to worry, I managed to recall a conversation that I had with my friends while we had a mini durian feast at Liyana's house. I like the tiny ones with thin layer of durians in it. My favourite! Anyway, while we were eating the magical fruit and burping its wonderful smell, someone mentioned about the 'X-Factor' game, which was a phenomenon 10 years ago. Or has it been more than 10 years of less? At one point, I was glued to the television because the show is somehow addictive. If one person can make it through one physical activity, then a high threshold has been set. Everyone else should be able to do it too because it seems feasible. 

It is only normal that when you're watching the game, you immerse yourself into the game, fantasically.  If that was you in that position, would you have done it? Let's say the challenge is to walk on a rope across 2 building that is 30 floors up, would you? I would not. I could not. I fear of heights. There was this one time when we all went to Genting Highland and I found myself curious about the long queue for Solero Shots, so I joined the crowd. Little did I know that this ride was one that challenges the gravity as it shoots you up in the sky. In those naive moments, I had no idea what it was and the clever little me picked the wrong seat. I placed my self on a seat where I can see the whole of Genting and some parts of KL. Defying the gravity, I should have never done that. If its not cool to be afraid of the heights, then so be it. I don't want to be cool. Haha

Hence, every single time that I watch the show most of the words that are played in my mind would be "Nope, I don't think I can do that" but that's the thing, I have not tried them. So, how do I know that I will not be able to actually do it? If I can survive Solero Shot, sure I can get passed anything right? And the other day, I had an intense conversation with a friend about her job offer, in Singapore. The dialogue started with a question asking me "Would I accept the offer if I were given the opportunity?" Part of me said no and the other half would have said yes. In those moments, I realized that I didn't apply for such things because I did not want to be put through such situations where I will be torn. I didn't apply to go abroad because I didn't want to have any options. I thought by being specific with what you want in life would be easier but gosh, I don't know what I want in life. 

All I know is I want to be the right path where life would be be bearable and not all miserable. At some point in life I thought about the chances I didn't take more that the ones that I have taken. If I had taken that path, how will life turn about? And because of the path that I have taken, it led me here. After seating for my first ACCA paper, I think I did the right choice by wanting to work because if I were to fail my paper (InsyaAllah I wil not) perhaps I can start picking up on the experience. Well, that is one way to look at it. If I didn't do it, then I will always wonder whether will I be able to work and study at the same time? Its not that I want to do it but sure I am curious a bit. 

Long essay I have written here, I need to let it out. Haha. Oh, X-Factor. When I like someone I will always think about why do I like him or have a crush on him? Then the same thing will appear, its the thick eyebrows. Haha is that one of the x-factor? But when you like someone for no reason, thin eyebrows also can :P

#W

There are days that you do not feel like talking, and there are days that you feel like you can talk nonstop, even when the time stops, you can still talk.

There are days where you feel so low, you might think that you have hit rock bottom, and there are days that you feel so high, its either you have had too much of caffeine or some puffs of weeds.

There are days when you know you miss that someone so badly, you feel like walking to their house and just hug them, and there are days when you feel like "I don't know you, why should we see each other?"

There are days where you do not even know what is the purpose of you living on this holy Earth, and there are days where you see the people that you love around you and you found the purpose of it.

There are days where everything gets so blurry, you might have thought that your vision is badly impaired, and there are days where everything is so clear, it is crystal clear.

There are days that you just feel angry, you start to blame the cat for its existence, and there are days where you just feel happy and excited like you have just been asked for your hand in marriage.

There are days where you just want to curl in your bed all day and night long, not move an inch, and there are days where you just want to go out and move forward.

There are days when you just miss a random place that you have been before, secretly wishing that you are transported to that place, and there are days when you are just thankful with the place that you are living in at the time.

There are days ( a lot of these days ) when you feel so lazy, you can barely touch any books because you just do not feel like doing so and there are days ( less of it ) when you feel like "Okay, 10 chapters at one go, TODAY" ( Never )

To be that motivated might never be the case for me but this time around, I have got to stop fooling around. Of course I want to pass my paper but at this point, the want changes into the need. So, let me rephrase the sentence. I need to pass my paper.  For it to be underlined, bold and italicized, I hope the message is rather clear.

I am trying to find a few days where, my WILLPOWER overrides my laziness and with God's willing, I shall pass the paper.

And today, I think I did :)

#V

I am so careless, I deserve a tight slap on my face. Haha no, seriously. This past week, I have been signing documents and agreements without reading it first. So much for being a student studying professional courses. Pfttt! Read Jasmin Anis. Read what is on the paper. Do not just read things in between the line. Read what is clearly infront of you. Read to enhance your knowledge. Read to understand the gist of it. Read in order to understand the mechanism of something. Read, just because. Okay, I get it. Just read then. I always go through such thing, then to make my self feel better, I will create a story behind it. In this case of my own nightmare, I am trying to conclude that perhaps God wants me to find other jobs with a work life balanced. Ha ha ha. See, how I twist my own mind to make it seem like itS is okay. Sick, I am. Careless, very. I am in a very vulnerable state. Tskkkk. Not. Just a bit cuckoo.

No title.

"To fight against what I'm feeling, that's tolerable but to fight against what is written, that's impossible."


I go weak every single time I see this quote. My heart explodes. My mind goes blank. Present tense, because it happens a lot. My feelings for you; they fluctuate.