10000000 timesss

dah sejuta kali kot blk alor star from sh alam. that's the easy part. but going back to sh alam from alor star, ohmyLord, mcm a burden that i cant easily shake it off. 4 more hours to go and i still havent done any packing. apetah lg studying. seriously, i dont care about tomorrow. my mom's not around. she went to MCKK . hmm. one week with only boys and foreign students? kinda heaven minus the part where the boys will extremely be cocky. urghh. tp mesti ade yg hensem kan tp bdak kecik la. ahah. main point here is, I MISS MY MOM TERRIBLY. she's not at home for half a day and i've been missing her so much , i could cry now. if i were still in school, i will follow her to that school . hehe. cuci mata and my eyes will definitely be cleaned up well. haih. i know i said i dont care about the test esok tp terpikir jgak,nak jwb ape eh? can we peek around? copy ? or can someone save us? hahaha. "are you smarter than a 5th grader"*with the theme song singing at the back* hahaha. i'm mentally tired. tired of thinking about unsettled things and agenda. for instance, tomorrow, i wanna pick my laundry-byk gle, but i lost the receipt. my mom said that i can't pick it up. what if btol xle amek??? i have all my important sleeping material there. i need my super comfortable comforter. hmm. i'm actually thinking about my room in Melati. not good not good. so, this is like my gazzilion times going back to s alam and still, it still sucks!

no plans to change it.

clearly, if anyone has been reading my blog, i am very sensitive and emo-ish. if im not how can i write such things. i'm not trying to act like i'm tough or anything but i prefer letting it out through writing rather than crying. crying for a guy? seriously, lame. when i write, at least i'm letting it go. the emotions will be neutral when i'm done writing. the feelings come and go. i'm easily hurt yes. but that doesnt mean i'm weak. i try not to make it a scene in the real world so i opted for a blog. if you choose to read, continue, if not, leave. tell me something, you get attached to someone, don't you think one day, eventually , u'll love that person. i spent a huge amount of time with a friend , sarah. i know my friends like maisara and puteri would know about the story and laugh. i spent too much time hanging out with her that one day, when she told me she's moving away, i practically cried like the whole night. felt like i was losing a big sister i never had. it's a kind of sisterly love, so probably i think for a girl and a guy to be the best of friends is actually possible. not impossible. haihh. i need to stop being very emo-ish that it scares ppl away man. seriously. but then again, why change. its me. dah la as it is, liyana slalu ckp, i'm emotionless. i can be at times but bile ade rase tu over sket. ahaha. well, i'm a girl. at least , i dont shout at people . and i dont leave hurtful remarks and DONT FEEL GUILTY like some people. and after that, they acted normal like nothing happened. gosh.

exciting things do happened.

i'm 19 and i bet i'm allowed to experience a bit of exciting things right. thought so. i am trying to be as happy as i could before i reach melati. seriously, my life is here. here in alorstar. as much as i tried to build up a happy home there, it just aint working. home is alor star. even if i'm in sh alam, i'll find my alor star friends. haha. things happened the way i like it here in alor star. in reasonable manners. yes. during times, unspoken words are that shouldnt be uttered are said outloud. like, certain things. when that thing happens in alorstar, its fine. i'll be gone to sh alam and when i come back, it's fine. right back on track. but when things are left in sh alam, it'll be that way even after i leave. no one will pick up the pieces. what i'm trying to say here is, i will miss this place so much that my heart will ache. tonight, im really happy. you know what, change that. today , the whole day, im really happy. God may have taken a few away from me, but has given me back some of the precious ones. God works in his own special ways.

second blog for the night.

MALAS. i need medicine to cure my problem.
anyone? just like a slap ke. haha.
if only studying MAF is like watching hilary duff's podcast,
if only studying FAR is like looking at ashton kutcher's cute little face and his perfect hair,
if only studying TAX is like sleeping in the evening during rainy days,
if only studying LAW is like eating and hanging out at mcd section 3,
if only studying BEL is like talking non-stop about our fave topic. eh chup, we do that right in BEL classes. hahahahah.

so, what im trying to say is that, if only that what we have to do is actually fun and FUN,so no one will be complaining right. haha. we should make FUN things a compulsory rather than making boring things a compulsory. haihh. imagine if i were the prime minister of MALAYSIA, well. one thing. LINGKUP! hahahahha. hilary duff will be invited to perform like weekly, ashton kutcher will be my urm,driver. haha. or my whatever la kan. but definitely, he will be invited like monthly. hahahaha. this is so funny. my own goverment. i'll declare myself as an accountant and i'll make our own system lof accounting. hahhahaha. there's debit no credit. ahhahaha. parents should give the children a fixed sum of money monthly. hahaha. every child will be provided with a car. and they can go to US anytime they want, you know, the way i see it, its for education. hahahahaha. my god, imagine.

dont vote for me. hahaha.

i miss you beruang.

i met u twice this time around. when we're alone its the same. when we're in a crowd , i mean your crowd, its all macho time for you.chup! i have no intention to hide your name because you dont really deserve it! you guys are all the same. fuck la. i am so mad. seriously. act a bit grown up la. i miss the old you. I MISS THE OLD BEAR. if you are reading this which i hope you're not,i miss you nazrinsyah. haha. there you go. i said it clear. i miss my bestfriend.i actually miss talking to you about anything. ANYTHING period. tell me, if you are denying our friendship in front all of your friends, it means that you are actually saying something is going on between us which i dont think so. you know that . we are friends. urghh. i wanna say. I KNOW. I KNOW why you are acting this way. but i cant tell you. i wont. but then again, i tested you. you failed my test and it linked to a happy news for me. hahahaha. so, whatever for now. but i wont see you till at least posa nnt. and by then, you'll be acting super weird because ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS will be here . if all of us jd blk, you know what will happen, gathering . you crowd and my crowd. i know i shouldnt waste my time thinking about all this crap. but i really thought after all this while, i've found a decent guy that i can at least call him a friend. when you;re cranky, this is all tthe crap i have to go through but when i'm cranky?? yeah, im the bad one. thank you very much.

ps; why is everyone acting so weird and stressed out these days?
haih. chiill la. talking about stressed out.
i'm in the fast track program. i should know what stress out really means!
right guys?
we are all okay and normal. haha. seriously, chill la.
life's a bundle of joy. ok now im crapping crap. haha

K.A.M.I

pictures time! haha.
glad i had a good time.

unwanted

yes look closely. the evidence. i was trying to stay sober* and there he goes. look closely. i was out from the library , trying to be at home as soon as possible and that's when i caught him in the middle of the road. haha. so much for us not talking this holiday uhhuh?? i wanted to keep my words but God forbid. hahaha. so , don't chase for it. it'll come running to u. we had a talk on the road and he was wearing red. hmmm. the colour that turns me on. haaahhaha. red red red. i was concentrating on the traffic lights that i wasnt really focus on him. silly me. hehe.

the perfect date

"My idea of a perfect date is having not to pretend and you can be just who you are.Plus, having two hot guys wouldn't hurt either!"

that was what i wrote. i wanted to test my skills in writing. my first attempt succedded. haha. the date went really well. the guys were really funny. we went there at around 7.45pm. met them at the marmalade cafe in bangsar village. ezani greeted us with flowers. i went there with my cousin , deanna. then , we went ahead with the food. the appetizer was ok. veges soup. luckily i like veges but it was a bit thick. we talked about almost anything. i sat next to ezani. he was kinda cute but compared to nas-t, i dont think so! haha. nas-t has the perfect lips. i feel like urm. anyways, his eyes and bone structure was just perfect.macho is the word. FUNNY . then we had our main course. i ate chicken pie with mashed potatoes. it was really good but later on, muak laa. for desert we had cupcakes that wasnt good at all. seriously. it wasnt even pretty. haha. i'm glad i didn't dress up to the nines because the date was really casual. i was being myself minus my big hair. there was 4 girls and turned out, one of them is from abacs. haha.it was like jejak kaseh kejap . hehe. we gossiped a lot about the celebs. they bashed about mama juwie and huzz. hahahahahah. they called huzz 'a thing' and not human. hahaha. later it was picture time. i really wanna upload it badly but i dont have the cabel for my camera! i'll try to get it from sarah but she won't be home till at least tomorrow. lambat la. haih. but all in all, !it was all worth it. glad i had fun. so thank you to seventeen magazine. hehe.

a few hours away from home

its like 2.40am now and i can't really sleep. sleepy though but trying to occupy my mind with things. i was thinking of going to the curve tomorrow but we'll see. depends on what time will i wake up. haha. estimating it to be at around 12pm. heaven. so, tomorrow is the big date. i'm so nervous man. as much as i don't want to, i actually am. meeting guys you've never met. kinda Creepy. *I WANTED TO BE SOBER( sober ; based on my own terms ) , but now, SO MUCH FOR ME BEING SOBER LA KAN* the seventeen people didnt call me up though. if she had rang me earlier maybe i would know if it was confirmed or not. i hope it is. i realised something, i need a new resolution on my fave subj ( if u know me well, u could have guessed the topic because we talk about this constantly ) . the more you think about it , the more you won't get it. the more you keep looking for it, the more they dissapear. the more you chase them , the further they'll run away. so now, my resolution would be, stop thinking about it, stop looking and stop chasing. it's not the easiest thing i would say. hard hard hard. but i'll try. i was offended by a few comments made. haha. offended in a not so serious way . one of the comments is , do i even care about the age?? OMG. of course i do. i think so. i mean i don't want a 16 year old obviously , considering how old i am now. not in desperate mode right now. just trying to keep my life busy. but trust me on this ok, i will close my eyes and see no other *** when i found the right one. that's the plan i intend to keep. i'll drop everything, especially my past if i'm serious with one. still havent found any. hahaha. the search must go on when i say so. but for now. it is on hold. i need to study. nothing much that i should do actually. STUDY STUDY STUDY. FAR especially. ape la yang lecturer tu merepek lagi. sumpahh xdgr dowh. especially when u're hungry. haha. your mind keeps on wondering away. ohhh yessss! i went to HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL just now and it was really GOOD! our seats were the best. the fake zac efron looked exactly like the real one , with all the weirdness. ahaha. but gabriela was so different that the only resemblance they had was the clothes. but overall , it was GREAT! i felt really BAD not having my little sister with me just now. hmm. i'll bring u next time around, ok ati? if i'm not busy i'll post the picture later. its in the handphone. precious little tool of mine. and the LDK just now sucked so badly. that it was really really bad. my god, i've never hated LDKs before but this time around , even my heart ached thinking about it. i hate arrogant and controlling men! and also boastful!

uitm.

seriously man, uitm should reconsider things when they plan stuff ahead. for instance, for my batch , they are having our LDK on the first day of semester break. then we have our FAR test on the saturday that we were suppose to have our 4 days break. dah la nak dapat cuti seksa , then they take it away from us easily. i really wanna go back and have my first day of buka posa with my family , especially my mom. duhh. ape ni. i do appreciate uitm for everything and stuff but ohh come on. if i live in KL then this matter would not be raised up but i live in ALOR STAR .anyways, the debate just now was superb. haha. i was rooting for the APACS guy.i know i know im in aftas but if he's good , he's good man. i like that kind of event. beneficial and entertaining. haha. i need to go now. contracts acts are calling me. *oooh i cant wait* NOT!