something to blab about

i read an article in the stars yesterday when i was having dinner with a bunch of friends.it caught my attention as the phrase was saying, ' it's about having a conversation with someone knowing that it's the last one you'll have with them '

i kept on figuring all night long, plus, i had coffee hours before, so my mind was really focused on something-that is the phrase i read earlier.think about it, what would you say to yout mom, knowing it's the last one.i don't think i have the guts to even think about it properly without crying.the thing is , i am super sensitive when it comes to my mother.we are super close that when we argue or disagree about something, which by the way happens a lot, it bothers me so so much.the bond that i have with her makes it hard for me to think about what i would say because i think, my words will be endless.

the others, like my dad and my other siblings, i love them just as much as my mom. so , i'll be left just as speechless as before. in total, i'll just reserve all my conversations with the people whom i love, adore and cherish so much in my mind.

but i cant help it ,wishing that i could have one more conversation with whateverhisnameis. if i could talk to him, for real, for one last time, just the two of us, i want some explanation. you dont just lose your interest in your friends unless you have some thing that you dont like.or else , its either you are a pyscho or just being egoistic. i have always always told you i'll be here for you , even when you are in the deepest shit you can get, i'll always be here. i meant it and i meant it well. for a start "how are you cause we havent been doing any talking at all". i know,you know i am the only person that doesnt really judge you while you're telling me the whole world are. it was so so hard to move on because you gave me words, and i , out of all the people, believe in words. words can be written as black and white on paper and usually, people make it official by the papers . see how important words are.

well, that was the reason i couldnt really sleep last night.from just some words, i turned it into a very serious matter.my heart and my mind ached just thinking about it. and in just days, i'll be very disturbed because i'm going back home.

and the reason is usually the same, whateverhisnameis.

this sounded like one of my writings in my diary.try to make it less emo-ish next time.but whateverhisnameis will always interfere with my mind wether im aware of it or not.